Angry stepmother

My husband had this problem with his ex-wife. He had three children from his first marriage, and his second wife made life miserable for everyone if he even tried to call them. She was jealous, mentally unstable, and tried to be controlling. The children were all miserable, they missed their father terribly, but going to see him wasn’t worth the hassle of dealing with an angry manipulative new wife. His relationship with his children suffered seriously for the four years he was with this woman… He still deals with anger and resentment from his children because of what he subjected them to with this woman. Now that he and I are married, I am very supportive of his relationship with his kids (after all, they were in the picture loooong before i was…) but there is so much damage, he may not be able to repair the relationship with his two older children. They are too hurt by him “choosing” his new wife over them (and that is how they will see it, because they are children!) to get “over it” yet, if ever.

I would caution you to make a decision, and fast. The longer your children sense that your new wife is impeding your relationship, the more they will question your love and commitment to them. You have to wonder why a woman who chose to marry you, knowing that you had a family, would do this?? It’s not healthy, and I bet this isn’t the only thing that she gets “ANGRY” over.

You have pretty much hit the nail on the head. As a matter of fact my kids have told me in as many words that they felt like I was choosing her over them. This will rip your heart out if it has ever happened to you. She is supposed to go and see a doctor tommorow about her anger issues but I don’t know if anything will help. I really don’t want to get divorced again(especially since we have a 1 year old together) but at this point I don’t what else to do. Anyway, thanks for the response I really apprecite it!

If push comes to shove - I hope you will chose your children over your new wife. Your children need you and your behavior will have a lasting impact on them. Best case scenario: your new wife has sought professional counseling and accepts your children.

I have been with my second wife for about a year and a half(married for 8 months). We have a child together(11 months old), she has three children from a previous marriage, I have 2 from my first marriage. The problem we are having is that if I spend more than 5 minutes alone with either one of my kids she becomes very angry. I don’t mean the silent treatment i mean ANGRY. She will stay mad for the rest of the day and sometimes for a couple of days. My kids know this and now are refusing to come back to our house. I have joint custody so now on the days I have them we are staying at my parents house. I guess we are semi-separated. It had gotten so bad I couldn’t even help them with their homework without her yelling and screaming(and I mean this literally). Has anyone had this problem?? What should I do??