What to do? stressed and scared


#1

I’m sure that you will get some responses on this from the men, but let me tell you from the “girlfriend” “new wife” point of view, do not get drug into acting the same way. My husband’s ex is the exact same way. Several times screaming, cursing and threatening me, high speed car chase that ended at the police department, vandalism to my personal property. All this and I never spoke a word to the woman. She called me everything in the book and had the kids passing messages to their father with foul language about both of us. Most of it they never even understood. The children watched her standing outside our vehicle screaming at me and pounding on the window, giving me rude hand gestures. This particular incident was because I LOOKED at her. I never responded to her. The children even apologized for her behavior. I told them that it did not matter. So what if she gave me the finger or called me a bitch? I know who I am, I know what kind of person I am and it doesn’t bother me what she thinks, believes or feels about me. The people who know me know the truth and those are the ONLY people I care about. The children need to understand that just because someone says something unkind about you doesn’t mean that it’s true. The way to make them see that is not to let this type of behavior bother you or your gf. It may make the ex angrier but eventually the children will see that it’s mom making a big deal. My two step children love being at our house because there’s not as much drama and they can relax and be children. Take a long look at what’s bothering you about her behavior and decide what exactly you can do about any of it. There are times when you have to choose your battles and the battle over how the ex acts is not one you fight. Let her burn herself out. Don’t fuel it but don’t give in to it either. Continue to record things but don’t involve the children. Don’t even discuss her in front of them. Let them see you being the bigger person in this so they might also learn how to distance themselves from mom’s psycho behavior. Do what you think is right for your children, including teaching them right from wrong.
Just in my opinion, but I wouldn’t continue paying her car payment or insurance especially now that the divorce is final…


#2

thanks!

I have to pay those things because we agreed to it in the sep agreement and that is incorporated into the decree…

Good news is, she sends me money towards the car payment and insurace. My old lawyer worked that out and got that after she falsely accused me of stalking her, which was dismissed by the da of her county…


#3

Divorce has just been finalized. Ex has violated a 50-b against HER yet again. A criminal summons has been issued against her to appear in court next month. When she gets served, she may retaliate against me. She has in the past with a false stalking charge that the DA dismissed a week after she took it out, but after I was arrested, humiliated, imprisoned, for a day. I also didn’t see my children for over two months after this out of fear of more charges. She has stated that me and my gf sexually abuse my kids. We are not sickos and we do nothing of the sort. I don’t even let them sleep in my bed when I have them!! She has proven to be an habitual liar who is poisoning my children. I am scared to death she will do this to me again, even with the 50-b on my side, the 1st violation, which she is taking classes for supposedly, and now the 2nd violation, it seems like nobody except those closest to me who witness this stuff (hear the recordings etc) believes me. The court just rolls its eyes, like yeah right, poor little male victim. She has made my youngest son say to me on the phone "have fun ing your girlfriend". SHe has referred to my gf as a whore, slut, tram. Called me dumb- on numerous occasions. I have lots of recordings. Nobody up to this point except my lawyer has listened. I have insisted, and gotten in the seperation agreement that is now incorporated into the divorce, the requirement of us meeting at a police department to swap the kids. I am that scared of the woman. She is vengeful, unhappy, pscho. I asked the DA in the last court hearing to get her a mental eval and they wouldn’t do it. Maybe this time they will. Last night, when I saw the magistrate, he just rhough the summons at me like I was a piece of scum. If I was a white girl complaining against my ex husband, I bet it would have been different. I feel hopeless at times, like all she has to do is go to the magistrate, lie again, and there I am in jail with bubba. I have gone to a pschologist, but it only made me temperarily forget what happened last year. I just want to be with my kids and move on. My kids adore me. We hike, go do fun family things with my gf and her kids, and we just enjoy each other’s company. I try to discipline them (teaching them right from wrong) yet they still love me and always tell me they don’t want to go back to her. I get the kids every other weekend. I pay my ex more than the guidelines, to the tune of $200/month more and I pay her car payment and insurance payment. I pay the kids insurance. I set this up without lawyers, at least that part. I feel I did the right htiong by doing so. I was so poor last year after the seperation, I lost my job and got a lower paying one, that I had to file bankruptcy, which is done now. I have improved my life significantly since then though and have a bright future, yet I still have her hanging over me… Any words of wisdom out there for me? Any men support groups for this sort of things?

thanks…

I am in the cary nc area…