Stressed Step Mom


#1

Just when you think you have it bad…my heart goes out to you. I guess you could always go after legally for harrassment or intimidation but you should probably just do everything possible to avoid contact with her. It is obvious that she is a very bitter, angry person and just taking it out on you.


#2

My suggestion would be not to deal with her at all, but with your situation that’s not really a solution. Either you or your husband or both can put a limitation on her actions though. Let her know in writing, through a lawyer if possible, that the stipulation for her visitations is that this behavior end and if it starts when you go to swap the children, leave WITH the children and let her know that another date or time will be arranged for her visit since you do not feel she is in the right frame of mind to care for the children. Start swapping the children in the parking lot of the local police station. Keep a copy of the custody order and that letter with you when you go to swap the children. Let them know that you are concerned for the children because of her behavior in the past.

Don’t be concerned too much about the allegations. No one who knows you is going to believe that and the courts did rule her unfit. Her words can’t hurt you and though the children may hear all of it, it’s up to you to make sure that they know nothing she says about you is true. Realize that though she is their mother, you are responsible for their care and well being. If the courts recognized her as unfit to have custody then they will certainly understand if your husband limits contact while the children are with him/you. Check over the custody order again and make sure that by doing this you are not violating it and put something into action to protect yourself and the children from her behavior.
Good luck to you!


#3

I feel so bad for you! I would take someone with me at all times and always meet in a public place, keep a journal, depends on your state record telephone conversations as long as you are talking on the recording. Get legal advise as well.


#4

thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. I do realize that things could be alot worse and just take it day by day. My husband and I are going exactly by the divorce decree so we that we are not violating it. thanks again for the support.


#5

Wow, some aspects of your post reminds me of some of the things I went through with my husband’s ex. She tried was constantly telling his kids that their dad had a new family and didn’t care about them anymore, yadayadyada. The only salvation we had was to go to counseling. It did not take long for the counselor to name her as a sociopath and then teach us how to set limits/boundaries so as to be able to deal with her. She was calling 30-60 times a month until we finally had to file phone harassment charges. Each time you/your husband sets a boundary with her, you MUST follow through or she will not believe you are serious. Good luck!


#6

I would like to get some advice on how to emotionally deal with my husband’s ex wife. I am married with three step children, twin 5 year old boys who are autistic and a 6 yr old step daughter and my biological daughter who is 8. My husband has full custody of his three. His exwife is married for the fifth time and just had her fifth child. So here I am taking care of four kids full time and she does nothing but harrass, make false allegations, curses, and yells at me and my husband when she calls or when we swap the kids for her 42 days of summer visitation. I literally get sick to my stomach and migranes whenever I have to deal with her. My husband is in the military so its mainly my responsibility to deal with his ex. He is very supportive of me and the children love me and my daughter. I am just stressed about her making false allegations and harrassment. She made her five year old fake choking herself and say that I choke her. Which is completely untrue. She curses about me in front of the children and pretty much ignores the boys. (the little girl is not biologically my husbands but he considers her his). The court recognized her as being a very unfit parent and awarded him custody of all three. She only wanted her daughter and could care less about the boys. Anyhooo, How do I handle this kind of mentality of this woman and what can I do to alleviate my stress…any advice.