My ex did the same thing to me. She even denied me being able to see or talk to my kids. I know the feeling of guilt you must deal with daily. You CAN NOT be denied seeing your kids even though she wants to divorce you, but also wants to manipulate your life. Continue trying to see your children. If you know she will refuse, get a deputy or police to meet you and have them present when she denies you seeing the kids. Every time, get a report from the officer. Go to radio shack and ask for a “divorce kit” for your phone. They’ll know what you’re talking about, and tape every conversation. This way you have a record if she refuses you phone contact and maybe you can get her to make the false allegations about you, or get her to admit any other dirty tricks she’s done too. In the mean time, file the papers for divorce yourself. If the seperation agreement was already signed by both of you, then file for the hearing and divorce yourself.
As far as why she’s doing this. Unfortunately there are some people in this world that feed of pettyness and the misery of others, and feel that they have a right to manipulate the lives of others. Take comfort that you are not alone in this ordeal, and the source of your problems is probably being eaten alive inside by demons worse than you or I can imagine. Stay the course, you have a right to your life and happiness too. (until the court gets involved.)

Sorry to hear about this.
I watched my hubby go through this just this summer and then his ex started attacking me, making accusations that I was abusing the kids blah blah blah. She told my hubby the same thing, he married me this past july and got joint custody of the kids with no primary caretaker and no one paying support. Granted she’s already in contempt and still hates me, but hey, it’s a small victory.

It’s a control issue!
Can you pick your kids up from school? She can’t stop you. If they come up to you in a store, she can’t stop that. Unless she has filed a 50B domestic violence order and you have been ordered to stay clear of her and your kids, under NC laws you have just as much rights to your kids as she does. The only thing you can’t do, is walk into her home and take them if she says NO.

We taped ALL conversations, over the phone and in person. And YOU Don’t have to notify the person that you are taping because North Carolina is a 1 Party State, meaning only 1 Party has to know the conversation is being recorded and that party is YOU LOL [:D][}:)]
Don’t engage in an arguement with her, don’t yell cuss or scream, say Hi how are you then ask to speak with the kids only, when she says NO, ask why, when given a reason say ok and hang up. Don’t do it daily but a few times a week and ONLY ASK FOR THE KIDS! Otherwise she could file phone harassment charges, if she does, take your tape to court. Hire an attorney QUICk, find a good one, if you find $3000-$6000 expensive, several of them go hourly, do your own research, file your own papers with their help, if you don’t know how, let me know I’ll help as much as possible without giving you legal advice. I’m in school now as a paralegal, but my main niche is research.

Shoot me an email sometime( and I’ll be happy to tell you what we did and I’ll be happy to talk to your GF as support, I’ve been there done that and I have a few ideas of my own thanks to the lawyers here and my own teacher [:D][:D]

You absolutely must NOT give up the love of your life. My husband’s ex was the one pushing for separation, left him, went out an partied, and was on her 4th boyfriend when he and I met two months later. She hit the roof. She started telling their children things about me that were not true. There have been several “scenes” involving the police department and verbal threats. There have been numerous verbal threats of physical harm and I’ve been called everything in the book. The children finally put a stop to it, though not completely. They told her they were tired of hearing her talk about me. If this woman is the love of your life as you claim then why would you even consider walking away from her because your ex, someone who is NOT part of your life any longer wants you to. Your ex is not going to like ANY woman that you have around the children but she will need to get over that. As long as this woman is willing to deal with this and you believe that it is worth it then DO NOT give up on her. If she is in this for the duration then your ex will have to get over it because she has NO say in who you see or who you have around the children unless they are in danger or being neglected. It sounds as though your ex is like my husband’s and countless others out there. She rushed to get separated and was fine as long as he was at home, miserable and begging her to come back to him. As soon as he met someone (me) that he could possibly be happy with she fought him every step of the way. Even to the point of not signing the divorce papers. There is NO way to postpone divorce. If she filed for absolute divorce then it will be granted in 30-45 days. If she has filed an equitable distribution claim or child custody/support those are all three separate issues and have nothing to do with whether or not the divorce is granted. She CAN NOT refuse you to see your children because of who you are seeing. She CAN NOT refuse you visiting your children for any reason except abuse. Get an attorney if you don’t already have one, find out if this woman is willing to stick with you if you don’t already know that and fight for your children. Make sure you try to contact them EVERY day even if you are not successful it will be on your phone records that you attempted. You can send notification in writing of times you will be calling and dates you are going to be visiting your children. Make sure your children know how to contact you also. Yes, your children come first, but there is NO reason that you shouldn’t be happy also so if your children have no true issues with your new love then there’s no reason to walk away from her.

Another thing, if your children have an issue with this new person in your life, keep this in mind. Your son is almost an adult and your daughter is just about a teenager. How long will they be before they are so busy with their own lives, friends and love lives to worry about yours? Are you planning on being alone the rest of your life?
This doesn’t sound as though it has anything to do with the children, just your ex’s reaction to the possibility that you have a chance at happiness. This is about YOUR life, not your children and certainly not your ex’s. And why would your son believe her about the drugs? Have YOU talked with him? Doesn’t he know it’s not true?
Sorry, but I get fired up when I think about anyone tossing away the chance to have something good in their lives for the sake of someone who chose NOT to be with them any longer. Choose what is right FOR YOU and be there for your children but DO NOT sacrifice yourself, especially if you or your children will not benefit from it.

i was in boot camp for the coast guard in march of 2006. when i got out in may of 2006 my husband had disappeared with our daughter. i have not seen my child since march of 2006 which is almost 2 years. i havent even heard from them. she just turned 3 on the 4th.i am still married to him. i have sent 7 copies of the divorce papers to his family, but they dont know where he is either. i have now found the love of my life and i am engaged and have a beautiful 5 month old daughter, but we can not get married until he signs the papers. when i went to court they informed me that if he refuses to sign the papers that i can publish my divorce in the last known area where he lives for 3 weeks and bring proof to court and they will grant it for me. so maybe you should file it in the newspaper. the only advice i have gotten is file a parental kidnapping report with the police. when you go to court it is going to look very bad on her that she would not let you see them. at the age of 17 your child has the right to choose to come see you or not. but not at 11. sorry hope this helps…

Are you on drugs?

I am the mother of two preschoolers. I love my STBX and want him to be happy,at peace,to avoid further suffering, and to achieve his full potential. He is abusing subtances. I begged him to get help and he denies a problem–“just a couple of beers and a bowl to help him sleep.”

I also want my children to be safe. I think you need to separate the two issues–drugs and love-of-life. If you are abusing substances your perspective on this matter may be distorted. Remember: love is not a feeling, it is doing what is best for the other person. If your Ex is holding you accountable for substance abuse, she is the person who truly loves you.

My husband’s ex-girlfriend tried the same thing because he and I were dating. He would go months and not see his son. To make a long story short. He and I married, we filed for custody and were granted Primary custody. It’s always interesting how the tables get turned and the tricks and stunts ppl play on someone end up snaring them in thier own traps.

Hang in there!!!

Like others have said, hire an attorney, make as many attempts as possible to see the kids, even if that means seeing them before, during, or after school, and get as much evidence as you can. The better prepared you are the more proof you have the better your odds. Also DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Keep a journal or log of the times you called (date, time) and the essence of the conversation. Of course recording the convos help too. But you can use the journal to record incidents and such the like. The attorney may be kinda expensive, but at th end of the day, you can’t really put a price tag on your children.

I’m not sure where you live, but if it’s in the Triad, I have a great attorney. Her price is comparable to other attorneys and she has an excellent track record.

Hang in there!


I have a 17 yr old son, and an 11yr old daughter. My wife and I have been seperated for over a year. I love my children very much , she filed for divorce, but keeps dragging it out. She has told my son that I am on drugs,and other things. I have someone else in my life and she is the love of my life, and my ex says I will never see my kids as long as I am with her. I am torn, My children come first, and I can’t see them because of the love of my life. It’s killing me! Should I walk away from her? Are there any other answers? Why won’t she just give me the divorce and begin the healing?