If you are an ex try and remember that it is not about you. It is about the kids and keeping them sane and happy and uninvolved with the trauma surrounding the divorce and its aftermath. Try not to let your life revolve around your children - that just means that you don’t have a life of your own. Don’t try and pressure your children into activities or organizations to spite your ex, in an attempt to impress your neighbors/coworkers/church friends, or to fufill some sort of gaping hole from your own childhood. Don’t try and be the super ex , trying to show everyone how much you buy for your kids in terms of fancy toys and electronic equipment, meanwhile they would be just as happy to play Monopoly with you or go camping.
Remember that if you share any sort of custody , then your time is your time with the child and your ex’s time is their time. Don’t schedule events or activities when it is not your time and don’t pay deposits for activities and events during your ex’s time and then conveniently remember at the last minute. This is just inconsiderate and is going against the custody order. Act like a parent and communicate for the child’s well-being.
couldn’t have said it better mal…I agree with everything you said. People need to act like parents and work together for the child and not work against each other…the child will wind up suffering in the long run. Alway can relate to this.
and…whenever you get really mad at the new wife/husband for what you “see” as their attempt to parent your child. Keep in mind that whether they are buying clothes, taking a trip with the child or picking them up from school they are HELPING THE CHILD. Your displaced anger is really just frustration at yourself or the situation and doesn’t need to be directed at a well-intentioned adult. The angrier and more defensive you are the more I just think that you recognize how much I am doing for your child and what you AREN’T doing because you are too busy with other parts of your life.