She would have to show that they had a viable marriage prior to his affair and that the affair or contact didn’t stop after she had knowledge of it. The courts could choose to see that since she had sex with her husband after having knowledge of his affair, that she forgave him. I do not know if that has a effect on whether or not she can sue the 3rd party, but I know that it would affect alimony were she trying for that. I would assume that would depend on whether she believes that this woman had a part in her reconciliation not working out. If she had not been involved before it would be clear cut. In reading all the posts about alienation of affection on this site, to me it’s a waste of time and money and it will not look good to the courts as it’s seen as a method of revenge. That’s just my opinion though. If the courts see your sister as vindictive that could affect a lot of things. My suggestion, get what she can out of the marriage and let it go. It’s not worth the effort and even though it may make her feel better for a short time, it will not change the outcome and will only alienate her STBX further.

I agree totally with you. I also have read the posts here on the subject. In THIS case, it would be best to make the end of this marriage as drama-free as possible. Vengence does nothing good for anyone. I want my brother-in-law to be happy. To me, to prove all that needs to be proved in AofA, it seems time better used to getting yourself together, get counseling if needed and move on in life. I just don’t know if she can do that. I hope she can.

what about alienation of affection against ex-wife. She lives in North Carolina and has vowed to destroy my second marriage. She has used the kids and filed a baseless lawsuit which she abandoned. I think this should be the cornerstone of this action, someone who vows to destroy a marriage and then does everything to do so. I have been divorced from her for years. Please advise.

Sounds like a vengeful, angry woman. She has no case-obviously-since she abandoned it. If you’re worried about your marriage being destroyed because of your ex’s actions with her/your kids then it sounds like you need to have a talk with the kids and your current wife. I am hoping that your current wife and you have a strong enough relationship to overcome any words or doings from the ex. I think it’s horrendous that the ex uses the kids as weapons to try to ruin your marriage. You and your wife have to rise above her tricks and do not stoop to her level by fighting back. Just stay strong in your relationship, talk and get support. That is all you can do unless the ex breaks a law.

So many folks waste precious time and energy trying to hurt others instead of working on their own hurt and healing and moving on. Life is so short-it’s just not worth the time, energy and money to try to make others’ lives miserable. Be strong and good luck!

Thank you for your kind words. Of course in the perfect world you are indeed correct. My current wife has stood by my side but the love we once had has been destroyed and it is devastating.

We did survive the abandoned lawsuit against my wife, but I thought I was doing the right thing when the ex said " you will never see the kids if you don’t divorce her" and after several years of trying to work it out in court and seeing the children cry I made the painful decision not to fight her when she filed for sole custody and suspended visitation based on late arrivals after I had been driving seven hours every other weekend to see them and the fact I told my daughter who had an ear infection I thought it was best if her mother took her to a regular doctor Monday morning rather than urgent care on a Sunday afternoon. I thought by giving up custody and visitation I could spare them pain because I knew the ex would never stop and it was painful to watch her use them as human pawns.

I pay exorbitant child support which has been on time every month and I also pay a great majority of the medical bills. However I have never experienced such pain as when I found out that my then twelve year old daughter was prescrived Valtrex in amounts used to treat genital herpes. I asked for permission to speak with the doctor and the ex refused although she told me in the past to call a doctor if I had questions. I cannot get the information because of the laws. I was devastated and drank heavily. I feel so terrible that I tried to protect them and now the children are dealing with this. I almost died and am now a recovering alcoholic who has remained sober.

In my recovery however I have had to come to terms with the devastation this woman has caused. I send cards to the children and have provided a 800 number but never hear from the children. My present wife loved the children and they loved her. I still look at the pictures of us as a “family” and it is sometimes a challenge not to take another drink. The pain of this has devastated my marriage to my wife who stood by my hospital bed crying many nights.

I think there should be accountability. There is no basis under North Carolina law for alienation for children but there is for a spouse. I wonder how many men and women suffer like I have. I look at my present wife’s situation with her ex-husband. They speak often about their child and the three of us work together for his interest. In my opinion both women and men who use children like this should be tried for child abuse and neglect.

In any event I hope that my story will help someone else who may be going through something similar. My prayers are with all of you.

WOW…I am so sorry. The only solace I can provide is that ONE DAY, your children will see their mother for what she is and what she has done. What comes around-goes around. Now that you’ve signed away custody and visitation, I am afraid there may be little you can do.

Moving on is the hard part, but you have to take each day at a time and concentrate on your current relationship and your fight not to drink. Drinking isn’t the solution-just a bandaid of sorts if you look at it like that. Sooner or later that band-aid will be ripped off and the blood starts flowing again until the next band-aid is used. Better to keep a scab that will eventually heal-but the scar will be there. That is ok. It will be a reminder of what you accomplished. Hows THAT for an analogy? [:)]

Keep your chin up and continue to call or send your kids cards and be there for them when they need you. They will and do need you and they’ll seek you out eventually. Good luck!

Dear momof4kids:

Greetings. Yes, she may be able to sue the other woman for alienation of affection despite any possible reconciliation - which I am doubtful that reconciliation actually happened based on what you wrote here. Thank you and good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

YEAH!!! I can post!

OK-in a nutshell for background: My brother-in-law had an affair while he was married. Wife found out and confronted. He admitted. He was still in the house married. He stayed a couple of months to see if they could work things out. Didn’t work out. Sidenote: B-inlaw has been unhappy for some time. My sis is VERY HARD to live with. Many issues so I feel for my in-law.

ANYWAY…he separated. No agreement. Now, 2 months after he left word is that he is seeing the other woman again. My sister is livid. She wants to hurt someone, and she is wants to sue the woman for AofA. I told her that I didn’t think it would wash in that she ‘forgave’ the earlier indiscretion by allowing him to stay and try to work things out. She has no evidence of adultry since he left the house.

Question: Can she sue the other woman after-the-fact for AofA? I don’t know for sure that it would be a good case. I told her to just let it go and move on. To be honest, I’ve never seen my in-law so happy and I hate for something to mess up his happiness just because my sis is such a cold and angry person inside (and not just because of this event–it goes way back). Thanks!