AofA and CC is over

What proof did you have? Did the person you were suing live with your spouse? Why was there a lack of desire to share discovery? Who filed continuances?

What was your goal for bringing the AofA and CC?

I didn’t bring on the suit. She did. I was the defendant-not the plaintiff. Sorry, I didn’t clarify did I? [:I]

SHE filed all the continuances after I submitted everything that was requested to me in a timely manner. I did have a 30 day continuance on my part due to the volumn of information requested, but only used about 15 days of the continuance.

Thankyou for clarifying. Your information was still very valuable.

There is a very good chance i may be sued for A of A and/or CC. The plaintiff has some very good evidence and is a very venegeful and controlling person. Unfortunately, these are the same characteristics that ultimately led to the plaintiff’s divorce. My questions to Comingclean2 are these:

  1. How long did the entire process take from the filing of the complaint on you until your plaintiff ran out of money and steam?
  2. Do you have any idea how much the plaintiff spent persuing you for this time period?
  3. What type of proof did your plaintiff have?
  4. Can you give some examples of discovery questions?
  5. What advice do you have for others about to go through a lawsuit like this?

I will answer the best I can:

  1. 1 year, 9 months

  2. I do not have a specific amount. When a bill was flashed to her ex, he saw around 11K in charges. But some of that could have been legal fees for her agreement/divorce work with her Ex. But most of her legal time had been spent on persuing me.

  3. I have no idea what kind of proof. She SAID she had pictures (of a kiss at most), VIDEO (impossible), emails (I believe she got into her ex’s email), cell phone number (she did call me). Of course it could have been all made up, but her ex DID have the feeling he was being followed (investigator).

  4. The discovery questions were very personal. I’m talking dates, times, places, discussions, intimate details. We objected to some items that included dates WAY before I ever met the man, but basically, I told the truth to the best of my knowledge. My lawyer told me that it is best to just tell the truth. So I did. Of course I couldn’t remember each and every time we spoke or saw each other, but I did the best I could.
    EX: When was love declared? When did he proposition you? When did you proposition him? How many times? What locations? Who knew about it? Had I ever been in his house?..That and a WHOLE financial docie and history for me. That took the bulk of time to gather (cell phone records for 2 years as well as all credit card statements and bank statements).

  5. My advice? Well, if you’re already in the situation, then get a good lawyer, be honest and be patient. If you don’t want to go through the process, then maybe a settlement amount can be agreed to.
    If you’re contemplating on getting involved with a married person, then I would advise you NOT to. I know it sounds hypocratical, but the process of the lawsuit is not fun and definitely not worth the risk.

Thank you for the information. You are the only person on this forum I know of that has BEEN through this and is being open about it. I am already involved in this mess. I have not had a lawsuit filed on me yet, only threats. The other party says they will wait until the divorce is final and then come after me for everything I have (which unbeknownst to the plaintiff is very little). I really have a hard time understanding why a person would file suit against someone with no money. In my case there is a great chance the plaintiff will be awarded a judgement, but collection of that judgement is going to be a different issue.
Thanks for you’re advice though. I don’t have an attorney yet and don’t feel like I should get one until I KNOW I will be sued. By the way…The Plaintiff does not have any money either.

What county did your case take place in?

If you have not gotten ‘served’ by a sherrif with papers, then don’t worry. Threats are just that. She may never proceed once she finds out she needs to come up with some money for a retainer. She only has 3 years to file also.

My lawyer said he’s never been to trial for this. It either gets dropped or settled. I only made it through MAYBE 1/4 of the process. If she had disclosed discovery (which she chose not to do), then depositions can be taken (witness testimony) then you have a mandatory mediation. If mediation doesn’t have the outcome wanted, then they can persue a jury trial. Each level takes more money. Most lawyers won’t proceed past the ‘threatening letter’ without a substantial retainer. Each level can be dragged out for months.

I have very little in the way of assets. They saw this when they read my financials. I don’t think they can get what isn’t there.

If it had realy gone to trial, I estimate she would have had to come up with at least a 10K retainer. I was told I would have to come up with a 5K retainer.

You have been a big help. Most of what you’ve told me I suspected would be the case. I’m pretty sure this guy will cool down a good bit when he sees he’s got to come up with a lot of money to go through with this. I’m sure no attorney worth his salt would take a case like this on contingency. I certainly wouldn’t if I were an attorney and wasn’t sure of the defenda’s ability to pay. So where did you find an attorney that would take the case for $2500 and then be conservative with the money? I’ve been told and read that these cases costs much more than $2500 just to get started.

I guess I got lucky. My divorce lawyer recommended him. He dispises the whole AofA and CC law and says he would never represent a Plaintiff. After our intitial consultation, he saw that there wasn’t much there to litigate. He knew I didn’t have a lot of money and was a single Mom–maybe he did me a favor? He said he usually asks for 5K upfront, but didn’t think we’d need that much.

defendantnc, they (the plaintiff) many times brings the suits to get something out of the spouse. Sorta like “here is a separation agreement, sign it or else boyfriend is in for a rough time”. You are just collateral damage. Regardless of the reason, you are in trouble.

[i]Originally posted by don5327[/i] [br]defendantnc, they (the plaintiff) many times brings the suits to get something out of the spouse. Sorta like "here is a separation agreement, sign it or else boyfriend is in for a rough time". You are just collateral damage. Regardless of the reason, you are in trouble.

I can testify to this. The STBX has already left several voicemails and sent several emails stating that if he doesn’t pay enough money to “support her lifestyle” she will come after me for AA/CC. All because we were coworkers who went out after work on a couple of occasions to have drinks and began dating after SHE asked for the divorce and he moved out. I wasn’t involved other than to be a sympathetic ear for his disappointment after they split.

He has no money and is deeply in debt. I have had to amass 2 years’ worth of phone and financial records plus work schedules for both of my jobs. All of it pretty much proves that there was virtually NO opportunity or contact between us outside of work, and little within work itself. She doesn’t have a case (and I have no money), but instead of getting a full-time job, she will deplete her parents’ savings to pursue me for what she thinks I did rather than face up to the fact that the marriage split up because they have different mores, goals, and needs.

Senate Bill 1503 needs to be passed. AA and CC lawsuits promote the idea of spouses and spousal affection as property and are primarily used as vendettas. If the State of NC really wanted to promote the healthy institution of marriage, they would mandate premarital counselling rather than punitive measures.

stepping down off of soapbox now…

Amen to that. I want to find out more about Bill 1503. When will it be voted on again and what can I do as a NC resident to help motivate our lawmakers into the 21st century?

[i]Originally posted by defendantnc[/i] [br]Amen to that. I want to find out more about Bill 1503. When will it be voted on again and what can I do as a NC resident to help motivate our lawmakers into the 21st century?

Here’s the legislature link to it: … llID=s1503

It’s still active, but in a dormant state. Many people don’t know that it is still open. Write, email, or call your state senator or members of the judiciary committee who can be found on the above webpage.

athos I hear what you are saying. You sound like you are an innocent bystander to a failed marriage. I hope that one day I can post a message like comingclean2, but from the other side. Right now I can

I do understand the other side. Who hasn’t been cheated on at least once in their dating life? However, I chose to give the cheater, not his GF, a majority of the blame. I don’t believe in the notion of bewitchment. (Remember trying to get that person in high-school you had a crush on to like you? How successful were you?) He had free will and chose to do what he did. He didn’t have to put himself in that position. Since he chose to cheat, then he wasn’t the right person for me. I never could trust him again and I deserved better.

Yes, it hurt and took a long time to get over. I lost about 10% of my body weight from depression and I was less naive ever after. But moving on and living a happy life was really the best revenge.

As for the other woman…well, she got to date someone who would never be faithful to her. They stayed together less than 6 months and her heart was broken. What comes around goes around…why clog the courts with that nonsense?

The CC law in particular doesn’t care whether or not the parties are separated or even whether the defendant even knew his/her paramour was married. So, basically if you can’t afford an attorney and must have one because of other issues surrounding the breakup, you pretty much can’t move on with your life until you have money.

The AA law doesn’t even care about intercourse, but about intimacy, which means that technically not only the paramour, but in-laws, grown children, and businesses can also be sued for AA. Rarely happens, but in my case, the STBX contacted our workplace (which doesn’t have a policy against fraternization) and told them that she would sue them for AA, basically condonation and encouragement, unless they fired us immediately. Both of our incomes have dropped as a result. The accusations alone have damaged both of our careers and have put us in the position of having to defend ourselves to colleagues and friends on a regular basis. Luckily our friends have been supportive and some have offered to testify on our behalves.

In these actions, the only people who win are the attorneys. They make money off of the vengeful and those who acted without forethought of the consequences of their actions. In the end, you are still out a spouse, and at least 10k poorer for the short term. Personally I’d rather have that money to do some travelling and have fun.


It was kind of you to share your experience here. Many of us have a lot of questions about this kind of case and have been unable to get much substantive information. I’d like to ask you a few more questions, if I may.

  1. What does it mean to “share discovery”?

  2. You said that you answered many questions during discovery. Were these questions submitted to you in writing or during a personal deposition? Did you respond in writing or verbally?

  3. You said that you disclosed financials. Can you give examples of what types of financials were requested by the plaintiff? I assume a recent tax return, but what else?

I’m now involved in an AA/CC case myself and this information would be very helpful.


  1. Share Discovery: I was asked to submit a filled out questionnaire answering personal questions about my encounters with this gentleman, dates, placed, conversations… as well as who else knew, their names, addresses and so forth. The questions were quite personal. I also had to submit financials. All of this was my ‘discovery’. HER discovery would have been answering OUR questions concerning the state of her marriage, other personal questions as well as submitting all evidence she had against me and HER financial statements that would have shown who she paid to find such information. She decided NOT to share that with us. It SEEMS opposite to me. I would have thought she would have to share HER discovery before I shared mine.

  2. The questions were written out and I had to write answers in my own words. I was told that if the process continued to the next level (after she submitted her discovery), then verbal depositions would be taken. They/We could also depose friends and family—anyone involved.

  3. Financials: I sumbitted cell phone bills going back 2 years as well as bank statements and credit card statements and employment check stubs. I guess to establish date of contact and charges for ‘typical affair stuff’ like hotel rooms, vacations, gifts. I did not have to submit tax returns, though I had to submit my social security number. I did not have to submit any 401K or IRA info.

I can see why they asked for the financial stuff. They then could see that I have no hidden assets or deep pockets for the 40K they were asking for—unless I sold my house-and my lawyer said no judge would make me sell my house to pay a debt like that.

It has been a LONG time since I’ve been on the forum posting. I’ve been reading, but have been silent during my legal suit. I am relieved to say that it is now all over. I thought that it may be helpful for me to share what I experienced since I’ve read so many posts (from BOTH sides) concerning this type of suit. I can only answer from my experience. To say the least, this has been an emotional and stressful period for me and I’m sure it was for the Plaintiff. I’m not here to pass judgement, and I ask that you do not either. This forum is for informational purposes. I admitted my guilt long ago, and I must live with it for the rest of my life. I am just ready to move on, and I hope my experience will help others.

In a nutshell, my charges were dropped. I do not know why. I have my suspicions, but I do not know for sure. I think it had to do with lack of money and lack of desire to share discovery and possibly, lack of sufficient evidence.

We got the the stage of my submitting of ‘discovery’ questions, financial info and such. We awaited the Plaintiffs submittal. But after many continuances, the charges were finally dismissed.

It did cost me money. I had a $2,500 retainer paid to my lawyer. He was VERY good and was very conservative with the money. He knew I didn’t have extra money. We communicated when necessary and I did a lot of the paperwork/copying myself. I did not have to pay him any additional monies, but would have had the case continued.

If you have any questions, I’ll be happy to share.