At a loss - desperately needing direction

I have been separated from my children’s father since January, 2006. We entered into a SA (prepared by my attorney at the time) in March, 2007 and were divorced in May, 2007. My ex has never upheld his obligations that were outlined in the SA. He will “comply” with pieces at a time - as it is convenient for him - but has never consistently honored this agreement. I have full legal custody - he has a visitation schedule. He does not honor his time commitment to our children - and only took the children on the visitation schedule for about 18 months. The rest of the time, he sees them, again, when it is convenient for him. I have kept a calendar of the visitations he has kept.

As a result of his refusal to be responsible, I have been in the court room on average once a year, spent thousands of dollars on attorney fees (all but a few dollars being awarded back to me), and am continuously stressed. He has never paid a penny toward the attorney fees, owes me thousands in back alimony, and thousands in unpaid CS. In 2013, for our 5 children, he only paid $6500 in CS. He IS employed.

Our agreement states that he is to give me his pay stubs each quarter so that a new CS worksheet can be run. If there is a 10% difference in what he is paying vs. what he should be paying, the amount will change. This arrangement has not always been to my benefit, but since he is in sales, it was the most fair way to make sure that the children were taken care of. I have only seen pay stubs in the court room - or after the judge has ordered him to submit them by “X” date. I have, on multiple occasions, tried to get him to make his CS payments - and to make the payments that he has been ordered to make to pay off some of the debt due to back CS and alimony - and attorney fees.

I am having no luck getting him to comply. Now I am trying to figure out how to get the financial support that my children deserve - and that he is responsible for paying - but I am clearly not in the financial position to pay an attorney to take him back to court.


Thank you!

Unfortunately, I can’t give you any advice other than to follow the court orders and file contempt motions when appropriate. You may also want to file a motion to modify child support if the arrangement you have now isn’t working. Same with child custody.

I would need the whole story and the ability ask questions, which is outside of the scope of this forum, before I would be able to give you meaningful advice in this situation. Sounds like you may want to go to a new attorney for a consultation. Sometimes, a new set of eyes on a situation can help find a solution.

I could have written your post. The system sucks, and only the lawyers seem to profit. I had what I thought was an iron clad separation agreement that covered every possible situation. Come to find out that the agreement is completely worthless. Ex hasn’t complied with any of it. Ex recently filed a motion to modify support (when he’s currently paying less than the NC guidelines), which forced us to file a motion for breach for all the areas where he’s not complying.

He owes me well over 100k in back child support and alimony. I’ve already spent $4,000 in legal fees just to answer his bogus motion and draft the motion for breach. Now I am forced to go to mediation which my lawyer tells me to allow 10 hours for…10 hours, where she bills at $400/hour PLUS I will have to may the mediator. Mediation for what? When he won’t comply with the order HE SIGNED? What compromise is there on this? I need someone to ENFORCE the agreement. A mediator can’t help with that.

Very frustrated that there are NO options for getting basic support and assistance when the agreement has not been followed. Where are people supposed to come up with 20K+ just to get something like this before a judge? I’ve got college for 3 kids to pay for coming up in a few months…this is such a waste of money that should be going to my children. Very frustrated!