Thanks for the reply - sorry for the repost.
My separation agreement basically said that my wife would drop the domestic violence charge if I would agree to stay away from her and the house. I agreed to pay the mortgage and credit card payments until my own complaint, in which the other issues are pending, is resolved.
I have offered a settlement which basically divides assets evenly, as I see it, and does not include alimony. She is apparently very eager to relocate and has had realtors and buyers attempt to contact me, and has attempted to do so herself by phone and email, in violation of the separation agreement.
My lawyer says that I will be entitled to half the mortgage and credit card payments I’ve been making, which I’ve factored into the settlement offer.
If I am forced to court, I guess I would ask that the results of the pregnancy and STD tests, which I discovered on my own, be admissible. I have the phone records of calls to her lover, which correspond to the dates of her three doctor’s visits for test results. It was tough for me to go through testing myself, not knowing what I might have contracted that she was concerned enough about to get tested. But the worst part was being falsely accused of domestic violence in order to get me removed when I had taken her back after twice deserting.
As for my son, my wife told me he had been abused, but would not say by whom. She has written email only once and recently, blaming me for everything and denying any wrongdoing, although she includes the statement that there are things I " don’t know, probably shouldn’t know about our family. All is forgiven." I have other material she has written in the past lamenting the state of her life, including childhood abuse, drugs, promiscuity, abortion, and multiple affairs, while describing me as a “faithful husband”. She questions why she is still alive. It is so much victim mentality.
My daughter has told me that she knows things that she can’t talk about, but may some day. It has been very difficult to be so in the dark. Even my ex-wife’s family shut the door on me, taking her side and refusing to acknowledge her problems, though I’ve been telling them for years of suicidal looking behavior, such as jumping from our car while moving.
According to counselors we met with after her return from the first desertion, she has turned my children against me and created her own alternate reality in order to survive. When attention turned toward her in counseling, she stormed out and would not return.
Bottom line - I expect that my ex-wife just wants cash so that she can run away again as she always has once she finds herself surrounded by the consequences of her immoral behavior. She wants to hold on to our son for the money, though her pattern has been that she will relocate him elsewhere. I don’t want to pay her hundreds of dollars each month while she isn’t even parenting. That is why part of my settlement offer is that he can choose with whom he lives, and that once there, he be enrolled in public or private school in the district where that parent resides, and finish the school year there.
I’d rather have my son emancipated and living with my daughter in the house than see him shipped off somewhere while my ex-wife collects the money.
I’m not vindictive, and tried to talk sense into her, not realizing until much later how messed up she is, having then discovered many things she had written about her affairs and her despair. I had originally thought the way to help her was to force her to face reality, but have been told she will likely forever play the victim, rewriting history in her mind to cope.
Yes, a mess indeed. I’ve been told to be glad I got out in good shape and that I will likely not have to pay alimony. I’m told to be patient with my children, that they’ll come around after being free of her influence.
I hope my ex-wife accepts my settlement. I keep getting phone calls from the area where she lives, which I never answer. I have been served papers to respond to discovery, though I don’t have much of the information since I was removed from the house and don’t have my files.
It’s tough dealing with someone who is so messed up, but I may be forced to court if my ex-wife won’t settle and pushes for alimony. She has told me through my daughter that she just wants the house and child support for our son. I’m getting to the point where I’m thinking of fighting her on everything, including mental competency.