Bed and Board after Divorce


#1

Dear hmason:

Greetings. Wow. This is one mess. In the separation agreement, what issues were addressed and what waivers existed?

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#2

Thanks for the reply - sorry for the repost.

My separation agreement basically said that my wife would drop the domestic violence charge if I would agree to stay away from her and the house. I agreed to pay the mortgage and credit card payments until my own complaint, in which the other issues are pending, is resolved.

I have offered a settlement which basically divides assets evenly, as I see it, and does not include alimony. She is apparently very eager to relocate and has had realtors and buyers attempt to contact me, and has attempted to do so herself by phone and email, in violation of the separation agreement.

My lawyer says that I will be entitled to half the mortgage and credit card payments I’ve been making, which I’ve factored into the settlement offer.

If I am forced to court, I guess I would ask that the results of the pregnancy and STD tests, which I discovered on my own, be admissible. I have the phone records of calls to her lover, which correspond to the dates of her three doctor’s visits for test results. It was tough for me to go through testing myself, not knowing what I might have contracted that she was concerned enough about to get tested. But the worst part was being falsely accused of domestic violence in order to get me removed when I had taken her back after twice deserting.

As for my son, my wife told me he had been abused, but would not say by whom. She has written email only once and recently, blaming me for everything and denying any wrongdoing, although she includes the statement that there are things I " don’t know, probably shouldn’t know about our family. All is forgiven." I have other material she has written in the past lamenting the state of her life, including childhood abuse, drugs, promiscuity, abortion, and multiple affairs, while describing me as a “faithful husband”. She questions why she is still alive. It is so much victim mentality.

My daughter has told me that she knows things that she can’t talk about, but may some day. It has been very difficult to be so in the dark. Even my ex-wife’s family shut the door on me, taking her side and refusing to acknowledge her problems, though I’ve been telling them for years of suicidal looking behavior, such as jumping from our car while moving.

According to counselors we met with after her return from the first desertion, she has turned my children against me and created her own alternate reality in order to survive. When attention turned toward her in counseling, she stormed out and would not return.

Bottom line - I expect that my ex-wife just wants cash so that she can run away again as she always has once she finds herself surrounded by the consequences of her immoral behavior. She wants to hold on to our son for the money, though her pattern has been that she will relocate him elsewhere. I don’t want to pay her hundreds of dollars each month while she isn’t even parenting. That is why part of my settlement offer is that he can choose with whom he lives, and that once there, he be enrolled in public or private school in the district where that parent resides, and finish the school year there.

I’d rather have my son emancipated and living with my daughter in the house than see him shipped off somewhere while my ex-wife collects the money.

I’m not vindictive, and tried to talk sense into her, not realizing until much later how messed up she is, having then discovered many things she had written about her affairs and her despair. I had originally thought the way to help her was to force her to face reality, but have been told she will likely forever play the victim, rewriting history in her mind to cope.

Yes, a mess indeed. I’ve been told to be glad I got out in good shape and that I will likely not have to pay alimony. I’m told to be patient with my children, that they’ll come around after being free of her influence.

I hope my ex-wife accepts my settlement. I keep getting phone calls from the area where she lives, which I never answer. I have been served papers to respond to discovery, though I don’t have much of the information since I was removed from the house and don’t have my files.

It’s tough dealing with someone who is so messed up, but I may be forced to court if my ex-wife won’t settle and pushes for alimony. She has told me through my daughter that she just wants the house and child support for our son. I’m getting to the point where I’m thinking of fighting her on everything, including mental competency.


#3

I am sorry for all that I have read sounds very messy I thought mine is bad but sorry to say you got me on this one. May I ask you are you going for the rotten rat with AOA and CC I am. May want to think maybe use it with your ex then she may think again and drop everything and give you want you something to think about.
Trust me I next week going to court for CS this whole thing is going to be very bad and ugly but I did not start this but I will finish this mess and my lawsuit against the rotten rat will be the month hope I can get everything from the rat.
good luck to you and all who is going though this


#4

Dear hmason:

Greetings. Typically you do not want to drop your complaint, especially if she made counterclaims. I suggest that you immediately set up a custody hearing. What in the world could be more important than having your children immediately come live with you and acquire safety and security? Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#5

Thank you, Ms. Fritts, for the recommendation. The only option I was aware of was to have a “custody evaluation” done, which I have been told would require $3K-$5K for a psychiatrist and cause all kinds of discomfort to all involved. I have thought more about that as my son has done so badly since I was forced out and my ex-wife has been so delusional.

Would a custody hearing be done separately from my pending complaint for divorce from bed and board? How could this be broken out of her counterclaim? Can the house be sold as a separate issue as well? How would it be in my (and my son’s) best interest to proceed with a separate custody hearing when I could deal with custody as part of the complaint for divorce from bed and board I currently have pending?


#6

Dear hmason:

Greetings. You and your wife no longer live together, so your complaint for divorce from bed and board is now worthless in my opinion. You need to have a complaint for custody filed. Good luck.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

ROSENDIVORCE.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#7

Thank you, Ms. Fritts.


#8

I have recently been granted an absolute divorce in NC without any issues of alimony, child custody/support (one 18 yr. old daugter, one 16 yr. old son), equitable distribution, etc. resolved. My wife had me removed from the house we co-own in early 2004 on a domestic violence order (which she later dropped after we signed a separation agreement) in an attempt to conceal a pregnancy resulting from an affair. I had a vasectomy in 1998, with follow-up visit to confirm sterility.

I still have a complaint for divorce from bed and board pending which I initiated after surprising my wife while with a second man just before she had me removed and I confirmed my suspicions about the pregnancy with the first man through phone and medical records (STD, hcG beta testing, though I don’t have the results of the tests). All the issues of alimony, etc., are part of her counter to my complaint for divorce from bed and board.

I have a settlement offer on the table, and my ex-wife wants to sell the house and move to another state, although neither of my children wish to leave NC. She has already sent our minor child out of state to live with relatives, and has done so before. I reside out of state. My ex-wife was sexually abused as a child and I suspect her of abusing our minor child. She has sent him away to live with others, once for four months when she deserted me and took the children out of state. He had been removed from two schools in the last school year and is not attending school at present. Medical records show he has been tested recently for STD’s, although I don’t know the results.

I am assuming I can’t just drop my complaint for divorce from bed and board on grounds of mailcious turning out of doors, adultery, and indignities (sending my son away and bringing her mother in from out of state to live with us while attempting unsuccessfully to harrass me into deserting) and eliminate the issues of alimony, child support, and equitable distribution.

Question:

If can’t just drop my complaint and eliminate the outstanding issues, can I bring my complaint to a hearing, have my ex-wife removed, allow my daughter to live in the house, and obtain custody of our son on the grounds that she is unfit to parent on multiple grounds, including having sent him away before and now once again?