I have a friend who needs some marital advice.She has no backbone so I am trying to get info. So here it is: She has been married for 8 1/2 years. They were dual military. When she was in her first year of marriage, he went TDY ( business trip) and had an affair with a female he had met in a club. When his wife found out she said she was going to leave, however she found out she was pregnant and decided to stay and make it work. She got out of the military and raised her son. Her husband is still active duty in the Air Force.About a month ago he returned from Afghanistan . He was there for 3 months. The last 2 weeks of that tour, he met a female who works within the same compound as he does and is also married. They had an affair when ever and however they could!When he returned home to his wife, he was unemotional, distant , and more. She asked him if he was okay and what was going on. Well, a few days later he told her…EVERYTHING! She was devastated. A few weeks later I attended a birthday party of a mutual friend. At this point I haven’t seen her in a year. I saw her and we hugged and she started to tear up, and so did I. We were talking about stuff with the other ladies there. My friend’s husband was also there but he was very quiet. Eventually he left the party because of out girl talk, and that is when my friend told me everything.I had a hard time comprehending this. I couldn’t believe this. And what was worse, he had her thinking it was her fault she didnt make him feel a spark anymore. So all the ladies attending the party found out and we created a support system for her.We finally got her to realize that it wasnt her fault. Later that night we drove her home. The next morning she told me that they had talked until 4 am and she told him that she loves him still and wants to work it out.She also told him that she had told us(the ladies) about his affair with the female. She said he started to show emotions and cry.So she said they agreed on giving them 3 months time to work things out. If that didnt work out, she would take her son back up to her home state and that would be that. Then he asked her to work it out because he needed them. When my friend informed me of this conversation, I was skeptical. Why wasnt he emotional before? And why was he emotional AFTER she told him that she told us about the affair? I told her that I thought that he was trying to save his military career and the female’s military career. But she didn’t want to believe me. Yesterday, I was shopping and I got a frantic phone call from her saying she was going to kill him and she cant believe what he did. And then she told me to call her cell phone. I tried calling her but there was no answer. I couldnt get ahold of her anywhere so I called the sheriffs department to check her residence. There was no answer. So I had to sweat it out and wait for her to call. She did call me and let me know that she had called me after she found an email that he had written to the female saying he missed her and loved her and couldnt wait to hold her again. And this was after the fact they agreed to work it out. So she printed out the email and put it in her truck. When her husband found out what she was doing , he ran out to the truck, took the email, came back inside and shook her a little and pushed her on the bed. And then he left. he also sent an email to the female saying that his wife is upset and must have misunderstood their relationship (hubby and mistresses) and is trying to get him in trouble.The way he wrote the email made it seem that he was trying to cover his butt.When she tried to go back and get the email reprinted, he had already changed the password, and erased all the other emails. He also took the liberty of changing her PIN number to her ATM and locking her out of the email account.She called me today and told me she asked him to reconsider and he said he didnt want to be with her.All this was brought up to his commands attention so military action will be taken, as far as I know. But here is the problem. He has told his wife that he will deny to his command that he committed adultery and say that she is dillusional. And since he has erased the proof she had,she is concerned that she will not have anything to prove. Also, she is worried about their financial situation. They have a second mortgage on their home and are 30k in credit card debt. SO what does she need to do to protect herself.She is interested in Alienation of affection, but I know that it can be quite expensive. Could she put it as part as the money sought in court? And even if she files for the divorce, is there a way she can include the fee in the charges, whether it be in alienation of affection or just divorce court? I just want to make sure she is well educated on this topic. She is lacking a backbone and I can’t blame her. I would be the same if I was in her shoes. So can you please answer the questions so I can help? Thank you so much for you time. Have a great day!
Worried about my friend