Beginning/ starting point of separation and divorce


#1

MY HUSBAND HAS STATED THAT HE WANTS A DIVORCE. HE SAYS HE NO LONGER WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND WANTS ME OUT OF HIS LIFE, HE WILL NOT ELABORATE OR SAY WHY OTHER THAN HE IS NOT HAPPY. I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE BECAUSE THIS IS THE PLACE THAT MY CHILD KNOWS AS HOME BUT FEEL I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE SINCE THE HOME IS HIS PERSONAL PROPERTY FROM BEFORE OUR MARRIAGE. I FEEL IF I REMAIN IN THE HOME THINGS ARE GOING TO GET MUCH WORSE WE HAVE NOT SPOKEN IN ALMOST A MONTH AND I HAVE A FIVE YEAR OLD THAT IS WITNESSING IT ALL. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO OR SHOULD I JUST LEAVE? I AM AFRAID THAT IF I LEAVE HE WILL SAY I ABANDONED THE MARRIAGE AND I DONT EVEN WANT A DIVORCE SO THIS IS REALLY WEIGHING HEAVY ON ME AND I AM AT A LOSS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO. SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.


#2

Even though the home is his separate property, it has been used as the martial residence, so he may not force you to leave absent any martial misconduct on your part. If you have engaged in marital misconduct (like adultery), then he could file for a divorce from bed and board seeking an order from the court forcing you out of the home. Otherwise, he cannot force you out of the martial residence absent fault as outlined in the statutes. He cannot change the locks unless and until such time as you leave the home with the intention of living elsewhere. Bear in mind though that you cannot file for ED or custody while you are living together.


#3

WELL I GUESS IT IS GOOD TO KNOW HE CAN NOT FORCE ME TO LEAVE THE HOME LEGALLY. HOWEVER, HE IS MAKING MY LIFE MISERABLE HE IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME AT ALL AND IS BARELY SPEAKING TO MY SON. HE HAS OFFERED TO LET ME STAY IN A RENTAL PROPERTY THAT HE OWNS AND I AGREED ONLY BECAUSE I CAN NOT AFFORD TO MAKE IT ON MY OWN RIGHT NOW BUT I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I FEEL AS THOUGH I SHOULD TAKE THE OFFER BUT AT THE SAME TIME I DO NOT WANT TO UPROOT MY CHILD WHO IS IN SCHOOL AND HAS LIVED IN THIS HOME FOR THE MAJORITY OF HIS LIFE. LIKE MOST OTHERS GOING THROUGH DIVORCE I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THIS SITUATION I HAVE NO IDEA WHY HE IS SO PERSISTENT ABOUT A DIVORCE BUT I FEEL HE IS GIVING ME NO SAY. IF I DECIDE TO STAY IN HIS RENTAL HOME BECAUSE HE IS BEING SO INTOLERABLE CAN HE SAY THAT I ABANDONED THE MARRIAGE. I DO NOT WANT TO EVEN GIVE HIM ANY GROUNDS FOR A SEPARATION BUT I KNOW BY LEAVING I AM DOING THAT. AT THIS POINT I AM HURT AND I MY CHILD IS HURTING TO SO I FEEL LIKE LEAVING AND TAKING HIS OFFER MAY JUST BE IN OUR BEST INTEREST EVEN KNOWING THAT I WANT OUR MARRIAGE TO WORK. AND JUST FOR THE RECORD I HAVE NOT DONE ANY HARM TO THE MARRIAGE, HAVE NOT COMMITTED ADULTERY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT. I DO NOT FEEL HE HAS EITHER THAT IS WHY I AM SO HURT BY HIS DECISION.


#4

IF I STAY AND IT BECOMES WORSE WOULD THERE BE ANYTHING I COULD DO? HE HAS NOT PUT HIS HANDS ON ME AT THIS POINT BUT HE DOES GET VERY ANGRY AND THAT AND THE FACT OF HIM NOT SPEAKING IS WHY I HAVE CONSIDERED LEAVING.


#5

I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING SO QUICKLY TO MY EARLIER RESPONSE.I WAS ALSO WONDERING HOW MUCH AN ATTORNEY USUALLY COST AND AT WHAT POINT SHOULD I HIRE ONE? I NEED SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE AT THIS POINT SUCH AS WHETHER OR NOT TO LEAVE SINCE I DO NOT WANT A DIVORCE.


#6

I APOLOGIZE FOR ASKING SO MANY QUESTION BUT I HAVE FOUND INFORMATION ON YOUR WEBSITE THAT HAS HELPED ME BUT I NEED TO FIND OUT SOME EXACT INFORMATION ABOUT IT IF POSSIBLE. THE DIVORCE FROM BED AND BOARD, I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD FILE FOR THAT WITH MY HUSBAND ACTING IN THE MANNER THAT HE IS. HE IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME AND HAS FORCED ME OUT OF THE MARITAL BED AND IS TRYING HIS BEST TO FORCE ME OUT OF THE HOME, HE IS ALSO CUTTING HIS TIES WITH MY SON WHOM HAS NOT DONE ANYTHING TO HIM…HIS CLAIM FOR THIS IS THAT MY CHILD IS NOT HIS CHILD HOWEVER HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS BEEN THERE AS A DADDY AND HE HAS BEEN IN MY CHILD’S LIFE SINCE HE WAS ONE AND A HALF AND HE IS ALMOST SIX NOW. WOULD TERMS SUCH AS THIS BE EVIDENCE AND GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE FROM BED AND BOARD AND IF SO WOULD I HAVE TO LEAVE SINCE THE HOME IS ONLY IN HIS NAME OR WOULD HE HAVE TO LEAVE AND HOW LONG IS THIS FOR?
ONCE AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR ALL OF THE QUESTIONS I HATE THAT I AM EVEN GOING THROUGH THIS BUT BEFORE I UP AND MOVE OUT WHEN I DONT EVEN WANT A DIVORCE I JUST WANTED TO CHECK ON MY RIGHTS AND WHAT I CAN DO TO PREVENT BEING FORCED OUT OF A HOME THAT MY CHILD IS COMFORTABLE IN.


#7

My best advice is to stop typing in all caps - maybe that’s why your husband wants a divorce :wink:


#8

All I would suggest is that you be careful to make sure all your legal bases are covered before agreeing to move into the rental property… Once you leave, you cannot return to the home without his permission, and he could also decide to, for example, stop paying the rent on the rental property after you move there.

Just make sure you see a lawyer first before doing anything. Don’t be bullied or intimidated into doing anything you are not comfortable with, as it would be almost impossible to change later (and “I didn’t know any better” will not be a defense).

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, just speaking from personal experience and what my own research has taught me.


#9

I would not recommend you leave the home. As far as a divorce from bed and board is concerned, it is a legal way to cut off estate rights- it is a legal separation, but the offending spouse is not necessarily ordered out of the home. You must allege fault to obtain a divorce from bed and board. A divorce from bed and board, if granted, authorizes a separation, but does not mean the judge will order your husband to leave the home. You can ask to be awarded possession of the home in a divorce from bed and board hearing, but there are no guarantees. You may want to consider filing an action for divorce from bed and board, and ask that possession of the martial residence be awarded to you pending equitable distribution of assets, or you may leave the home and file an action for Equitable Distribution, Post-Separation Support, Alimony and Attorney’s fees. Also, you probably realize this but he will not be under any legal obligation for your child for support. I suggest you meet with a lawyer as soon as possible to develop a plan of action.

Most attorneys bill by the hour, and have different rates depending on their level of experience, location, number of clients, and other factors. Attorneys also differ in the retainer amount they require to begin. There is no way to estimate the total hourly fee amount at the onset of the case as the number of hours work a case will take is always uncertain.

At Rosen we bill flat rates so you will know upfront exactly how much your case will cost you, start to finish. You may want to take a look at our fee calculator to get an estimate of what your total costs will be.


#10

Thank you Mrs.Russ your information has been very helpful. I def. will be looking for an attorney within the next week. I am aware that he will not be ordered to support my child but all the other information I was not sure about so I am very glad I was able to come to y’alls website for help. Thank you so much for your help!


#11

You are very welcome! Good luck!


#12

Well I’m not going anywhere, not right now anyway. Thanks for letting me know I didn’t have to leave, now I am just hoping the attitude gets better or that I can bare it for a while. Thanks again for everything, your website and quick responses have been very helpful.