Do you honestly think it’s fair that he only gets to see her for a few hours a month? Why would you not want your daughter’s father to spend more time with her? Why deny your daughter the love of her father, when he might just be trying to spend more time with her and let her know he loves her.
Someone is a little bitter…Everyone on these boards think that they deserve to have their children full time. Everyone is scared or worried that their ex spouse is doing something to harm the kids or doing something that will ruin thier lives. EVERYONE in this situation needs emotional support not badgering because of how their situation is. Maybe Anitad’s ex hasn’t really wanted anything to do with their daughter until now and she’s worried that after three years of little or no contact he will take her daughter away. Can you imagine the insecure feelings this causes. Would you want your ex to let you have your child for 3 years and then suddenly say, I want her/him back and you don’t get to see them except every other weekend??? Can you imagine what this does to the child? YES, Every child needs both parents, but the parents have to want that too. And it is up to the one who has primary custody to decide if it’s best for the child to change their circumstances that drastically.
Anitad, yes custody can be changed, but think about this; The court awarded you custody of your daughter. If there is no significant change in circumstances then there is no reason to change custody, unless you are neglecting or abusing. Now, that being said, the court could change the visitation schedule so that your daughter doesn’t have a choice about going to her father’s every other weekend. If he’s serious about wanting to be involved in her life more, then in my opinion the change needs to happen now while she’s still young enough to adapt to it, and get to know him. Sit her down and explain it to her the best you can but let her know that this is not her choice to see her father, it’s something you are deciding for her. When she is older, she can decide that for herself.
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[i]Originally posted by stepmother[/i] [br]Someone is a little bitter...Everyone on these boards think that they deserve to have their children full time. Everyone is scared or worried that their ex spouse is doing something to harm the kids or doing something that will ruin thier lives. EVERYONE in this situation needs emotional support not badgering because their situation may be better than yours. Maybe Anitad's ex hasn't really wanted anything to do with their daughter until now and she's worried that after three years of little or no contact he will take her daughter away. Can you imagine the insecure feelings this causes. Would you want your ex to let you have your child for 3 years and then suddenly say, I want her/him back and you don't get to see them except every other weekend??? Can you imagine what this does to the child? YES, Every child needs both parents, but the parents have to want that too. And it is up to the one who has primary custody to decide if it's best for the child to change their circumstances that drastically. She didn't say that this was fair, only that this is the way her situation is. She didn't say that her ex is taking her back to court or that he WANTS to spend more time with his daughter. If this were the father writing this, it would just be a father asking if there's a way his ex can take their child away after giving sole custody to him three years ago. Try not to be so judgemental, after all, this isn't your ex.Anitad, yes custody can be changed, but think about this; The court awarded you custody of your daughter. If there is no significant change in circumstances then there is no reason to change custody, unless you are neglecting or abusing. Now, that being said, the court could change the visitation schedule so that your daughter doesn’t have a choice about going to her father’s every other weekend. If he’s serious about wanting to be involved in her life more, then in my opinion the change needs to happen now while she’s still young enough to adapt to it, and get to know him. Sit her down and explain it to her the best you can but let her know that she does not decide to see her father, it’s something you are deciding for her. When she is older, with the way your arrangement is, she can decide that for herself.
Bitter?.. Yeah I’m bitter. I’m tired of People thinking that children only need one parent in their lives. I’m tired of seeing kids used as a bargaining tool when one parent wants to try to control the other. I’m tired of every “ex” husband being described as a pervert or worse on almost every post in the hopes that this will result in him being alienated from the children’s lives. As far a the father taking the child back, you and I both know the odds are very stacked against him. In the original custody hearing he only had a 20% chance of getting custody to begin with, just because he’s a man. You’re willing to give anitad the benefit of the doubt, but why can’t you recognize that maybe the father just wants to part of his childs life?
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[i]Originally posted by hawkman[/i] [br]Bitter?... Yeah I'm bitter. I'm tired of People thinking that children only need one parent in their lives. I'm tired of seeing kids used as a bargaining tool when one parent wants to try to control the other. I'm tired of every "ex" husband being described as a pervert or worse on almost every post in the hopes that this will result in him being alienated from the children's lives. As far a the father taking the child back, you and I both know the odds are very stacked against him. In the original custody hearing he only had a 20% chance of getting custody to begin with, just because he's a man. You're willing to give anitad the benefit of the doubt, but why can't you recognize that maybe the father just wants to part of his childs life?
I was writing my response to what she wrote, not to what I hope is the case. It did not sound like to me that the father has pushed the issue and may never push the issue. I do believe that I put in my post that every child needs both parents but that the parents have to want that too. I was only suggested that taking out your anger and frustration over your own situation is not helpful to someone who is only looking for support over their situation. Face it, every “ex” husband IS a lying, cheating, good for nothing jerks just as every “ex” wife IS a psychotic, affection starved, suffocating, money hungry witches. It all depends on who’s story you are listening to and which side of the fence you are on.
If he wants to be part of his daughters life, GREAT, WONDERFUL, but wait a second, that’s not a pat on the back. He’s SUPPOSED to WANT to be part of his child’s life, it’s not supposed to be a choice, but there you go. He has that choice now as does every divorced parent. What if he’s the one using his child for control? She posted that “he gave me complete and total sole custody”. To me that sounds like a choice. My husband and his ex can’t agree on anything and they have court ordered joint custody. He didn’t just assume that the courts would give her the children. I know that men do have more of a chance now than they EVER had of getting custody and I hope that the courts continue give more father’s custody. But I also know that if you give your children to your “ex” in the first place, whether man or woman, the emotional or physical ability to get them back is a lot less than it could have been had you fought to stay in their lives to start with and the longer it goes on like that and the older the children get, the smaller that chance becomes.
I used Rosen to get help with my divorce about three years ago. At that time, my ex-husband and I went through the Wake Co court system and he gave me complete and total sole custody. It specifies in the contract that he sees her only at my discretion. This has worked fine so far but I am always concerned that he may come back and try to play her as his only trump card. Once he gave her up to me, wasn’t that it (unless I’m unfit, I mean)? Could he now come back and get partial custody? He sees her for about a couple of hours every other month. She is now six-years-old so what kind of say could she have in the matter? She doesn’t care to see him at all but I’ve been able to talk her into seeing him a little. We did not file any child support through the court system. I’m just so frustrated because I thought that filing everything through the court system eliminated him threatening to get her but I’m always scared that he could find some way around it.