One thing I would say is be careful because she could sue you for criminal conversation and possibably alienation of affection.
I agree with DoneWrong. As someone who was just friends with my now BF before he separated from his wife (at the wife’s request, no less), I would think twice about telling her about any romantic attachment between you two. She could very well come back and make your life miserable by threatening and/or prosecuting for AA & CC. It’s been happening to us over the last year, despite all evidence to the contrary.
As far as separation agreements go, my understanding is that they don’t need to be filed per se to be valid…plz correct me if I’m wrong, Ms. Nevicosi. Once they are notarized, they they stand in full force as a private contract, and the courts will not normally interfere unless there is a breach of that contract. Therefore, she cannot just simply change the agreement because she’s angry. I have seen case law where a separation agreement was changed due to the terms being excessive and the defendant’s inability to pay, however, from what I understand it was the exception to the rule.
So, so she can try, but if she doesn’t honor the terms of the agreement, she’s in breach and can be sued.
Thanks for your input. Things just became a great deal more complicated with me finding out that I am pregnant. Neither of us have our divorces yet and are very aware that this information can be a way for both of our STBX’s to take us for everything that we have both worked for in our separate marriages. In my case, my STBX left that home many years ago & refused to return even after being asked, so from what I understand that would make him ‘at fault’ if it came down to a fight (which I am hoping that it won’t). I have also been told that in NC if you are legally married (regardless of the amt of time separated) when a child is conceived, it is the spouses name that goes on the birth certificate and that it will have to be modified after the birth. Does anyone know anything about that?
I too began seeing my now husband during his separation. It is not illegal to date during separation but the others are correct about the Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation…
The thing to keep in mind is that you can tell your respective ex’s that you are seeing someone, you don’t have to go into detail about how long you have been seeing them. As far as you being pregnant…that will depend on the timeline. How much money the ex has at her disposal to file AofA. If the custody has been agreed on in an agreement, then either can still file for primary custody but it will be a battle to show why the arrangement that has been in affect since the separation date should suddenly be changed. The child support can be determined using the calculator on the home page to see if what is in the agreement is fair and reasonable.
No, she can not change a signed, notarized separation agreement due to anger. But there are exceptions…my husband’s ex attempted to get their separation agreement rendered void due to supposedly being on depression medication at the time she signed. The suit she filed was that she did not know what she was signing. Now, my husband had been on medication for depression during the last 8 years of their marriage, and we had proof that she never had the medication filled so she dropped it before it could go to court…but there are loopholes even if they are small ones…
About your child…if you are legally married at the time of the birth, the husband is presumed the father. I’m not absolutely certain but I don’t believe that a name must be put on the birth certificate. It may be that it can be put on after the fact. Maybe someone else knows a little more about this. I don’t believe that time of conception is a factor…
Just to clear up a few things…how long have both of you been separated and when is the birth expected in relation to the time of divorces?
I do not think it matters that your STBX left the house. You say many years ago, yet you aren’t divorced yet? NC is a ‘no fault’ state eitherway.
Sooner or later, both ex’s will find out about the baby. I would think the only monotary fear is that you could get sued for CC because you obviously had sex with the man. I don’t think ED would be compromised.
I would suggest you file divorce papers and get yourself settled.
Not sure about the baby’s name, but have read the same as you believe.
Well from what I understand if my STBX and I can have the papers drawn up out of court and can do this amicably, then we could be divorced rather quickly. My best friend has been only been in separate residences since the first of March, although they did have an in house separation that started in Sept of last year we realize that doesn’t count. We don’t know how far along we are since I have yet to go to the doctor. Only positive home tests so far. Since I don’t have anything confirmed medically yet, I can honestly say that I do not have a medical confirmation of anything.
I know that all of this makes me (us) sound like really awful people, but we aren’t. My STBX left our family many years ago, we have actually been separated longer than we were together. Why we haven’t divorced yet, well there really isn’t a good reason other than I wasn’t ready to give up on my marriage holding out hope that things would improve. They never did despite how hard I tried. It does take two. The lengthy separation has taken it’s toll on my self esteem and I have finally decided (and had made this choice before meeting my best friend) that it was time to move forward and I started this process last summer. Working on improving my workplace skills, improving my credit, clearing off as much debt as I could and just trying to educate myself with the entire process of divorce.
If the separation agreement is signed and notarized, then the terms within cannot be changed unless it was procured by fraud, or there are other unusual circumstances such as mental incapacity.
You are in no more risk legally if you tell her now than you would be if you waited until after the divorce is final. The only risk you run is a lawsuit for alienation of affection, she would have to prove that there was a happy marriage and your relationship interfered with that happy relationship. She can sue you for this even after the divorce is final.
P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit radio.rosen.com/live for details
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
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Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
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Charlotte, NC 28262
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The man that I have been seeing had an in house separation when we first met. We were not dating at that time, but rather just friends. When she moved out, we did become involved in a relationship. They had a separation agreement drawn up that clearly states the break down of the marital assets, debts, custody, child support, ect… The both signed the papers and had them notorized but nothing was filed with the clerk’s office. She has not know about me, but we are at the point where we spend more time around one another’s children and rather than having her find out through his child, I was wondering if it would be better if he told her has been seeing someone. BUT the question for both of us is whether or not she can change anything on the S/A just based on anger. What I have understood was that everything based on the marriage itself is set. No changes there, no ability to go after alimony or retirement or such. That the only thing that she could possibly get a modification in would be child support and custody and that would be something that she would have to do outside of the divorce at this point?
What are the specific laws in NC in regards to this? Rather than to create an ongoing chaotic battle by doing what we feel is the respectful thing and telling our soon to be exes, if need be, we can keep it quiet until the divorces as final.