Child Visitation Contempt?

I will try to be as brief as possible to get my info out here and I have stated a few exact questions at the end… I am engaged to a woman that has a current child custody and consent order in place with her ex-husband. He is currently the primary caregiver as set forth in the agreement (she agreeded to it for financial reasons it is not court ordered). He has decided that he does not want his son to be around me because I am a recovering drug addict that relapsed with 2 1/2 yrs clean back in Feb but checked myself into detox on Apr 22 and have been back clean since. I have also been living with this childs mother since he was 6mo old (he will be 5 yrs old in Dec) and have been the primary means of financial and moral support for them both (as far as she goes). I also was the saturday babysitter for 2 yrs up until Mar for the child when his mother and father always worked saturdays. He holds her child over her head on a regular basis in order to make her do what he wants or not do something he doesnt want her to. He also sends her regular text messages telling her how worthless of a mother she is and what she may or may not do regarding the child. He also regularly cusses her out and tells her how worthless she is on the phone with the child present. He is currently dating the owner of the daycare that the child attends and the woman is married. He regularly takes the child with him to see her at hidden locations or sometimes even at the daycare. He tells her that she cant do anything about it because he has ultimate say in the childs life but I read the order differently. The order states the following: (along with other stuff that is irrealvant)

Line 2: The defendant mother shall have reasonable visitation with the minor child including up to 2 overnights per week with the nights to be mutually agreed upon by the father and mother. This visitation shall take place provided the mother gives the father at least 24 hrs advance notice of her intent to exercise visitation.

Line 5: Each party shall attempt to foster a feeling of affection between the children and the other party, and neither party shall do anything to estrange the children from the other party or to injure the childrens opinion of the other party in any manner which may hamper the free and natural development of the childs love and respect for the other party.

Line 10: Neither party shall make derogatory comments about the other party in the prescence of the child or allow anyone else to do so.

Line 11 The minor child may not be left alone, without the plaintiff father or defendant mother being present, with anyone of the opposite sex not related to them by blood or marriage, for 6 mo from the date of this order. At the end of said 6mo, the plaintiff father or defendant mother shall be allowed to leave the children with another adult not related by blood or marriage provided the father and mother mutually agree on the person. (we are in the after 6mo period now)

Line 12: Neither party shall consume alcoholic beverages or posess or use illegal substances in the prescence of the minor children or allow anyone else to do so. (when I relapsed I never used anything around the child and the drugs i did relapse on were my own prescriptions but the father drinks on a regular basis with the child present)

Ok now my questions…

  1. Can he keep the child away from his mother if I am present? If so, can he still do such after me and her are married? (see line 11 the part about "not related to the by blood or MARRIAGE because the way I read it is if we are married he has no choice.)

  2. Can she stop or have her ex held in contempt for taking her child around the married daycare owner and/or get the court to make the father change the childs daycare? (she has told him numerous times not to have the baby around her except at the daycare during business hours and she would more-so have the child in a different daycare altogether until the affair stops or the woman legally seperates from her husband. As in question 1 if the father is not married to the woman Line 1 says to me the she has the right to say whether the child can be around that woman just like he can say the child cant be around me as long as we are not married)

  3. Can she get him for contempt for keeping the child from her and for all the derogatory comments that he and his girlfriend have made to her in the childs presence? (It reads to me in LINE 2 that so long as she gives 24hr notice of wanting the child he has to let her have him or does it read in a manner where he can say “no we have plans” because of the mutually agreed upon part)

  4. If she was to try to get him for civil contempt which Motion to Show Cause Order would she file? (There are a BUNCH of different ones)

Thank You for your time and answers

And furthermore her ex-husband just sent her a text message telling her that today he learned I am sharing an address with her so that being the case she cannot bring her son to this house any longer no matter who is or is not here at the time.

Based on what you provided in your question, without seeing the Order myself, it is impossible for me to say if such acts will rise to the level of contempt. However, below are my general thoughts on this:

  1. Yes, while your are unmarried he can if the mother is not present. This does change if you are married.
  2. If the visits are occuring outside of normal business hours, then they are personal in nature, so she can refuse to allow these visits.
  3. Presumably, yes. You will have to convince a judge of these facts to get contempt.
  4. Contact the clerk in the county you live in to see if they want a particular form. Also, you can use the aoc website or the DIY portion of this website for forms.

Ok so here is our contemt claim we intend to put on the motion… Is it sufficient? It is written in anonymous terms here but specific in the motion.

In the Consent Order number 07CvD**** the Defendant John Doe (further referred to as Mr. Doe), was ordered to adhere to the stipulations set forth in said order, of which he has, on numerous occasions, willfully declined to do so in the following such ways:

As ordered in the Ordered, Adjudged and Decreed section of the Consent Order:

Mr. Doe refused to allow the Plaintiff mother Jane Doe (further referred to as Ms. Doe) visitation of their child (further referred to as child) on the date of 8-2-11 ,after a meeting time and place had been previously agreed upon, due to personal differences with Ms. Doe. Mr. Doe stated he did not like Ms. Does’ attitude when she arrived to pick up child and therefore she wasn’t seeing the child that day. This action is in willful violation of Line 2 of the Consent Order.

Mr. Doe has told Ms Doe on numerous occasions that if she wants to fix the problem of him telling her when she can see, talk to or visit child then she should go sign her rights as childs mother over to him and be done with it. Mr. Doe has also cursed out, slandered, and otherwise verbally abused Ms. Doe in the presence of the child. In addition, child has began to do the same in response to hearing it so often. These actions are in willful violation of Line 5 of the Consent Order.

Mr. Doe has, and has allowed his friend, Mistress #9, to degrade, slander and verbally abuse Ms. Doe in the presence of child. This is in willful violation of line 10 of the Consent Order.

Mr. Doe told Ms. Doe, in a series of text messages dated between Aug2 and Aug 5, 2011, that Ms. Doe could not have visitation with child at her home located at 103 Antonio Dr. Dudley, NC 28333, after a meeting time and place had been previously agreed upon to pick up and drop off child, as long as Ms. Does’ fiance John Fiance (further referred to as Mr. Fiance) was sharing an address with her. Mr. Doe has also denied any and all future brief visitation or overnight visitation of Ms. Doe and child as long as Mr. Fiance is sharing an address with Ms. Doe or if Mr. Fiance is present during the visitation in any way. This occured even after Ms. Doe assured Mr. Doe that Child would not be left alone with Mr. Fiance at any time for any reason if Mr. Doe did not want him to be in accordance with the stipulations of Line 11 of the Consent Order. Mr Doe still declined to allow any visitation and is in willful violation of Line 11 of the Consent Order in this instance.

Mr. Doe has informed Ms. Doe that he and Child have aquired a new home and are in the process of moving there. Upon learning this information Ms. Doe asked Mr. Doe where the new house is located and was told by Mr. Doe “that is none of your buisness but it is here in town.” Mr. Doe did not give Ms. Doe an address and still has not given Ms. Doe this address as of the date of this motion. This is in willful violation of Line 15 of the Consent Order.

Just so you know Line 15 states The defendant mother and plaintiff father shall notify the other party of any changes in his/her home address, home phone number or employment phone number within 24 hours, and such information shall not be used to harass the other party. The mother only wants to know where her child is at and with whom he is with.

Advising anyone on specific drafting language in a legal document or reviewing a legal document is beyond the scope of this forum. I cannot give an opinion on whether this motion is valid without doing such a review.