It sounds as though you should one, quit contacting your son while he is with his father. And two, contact an attorney.
If you have things to discuss, like school or schedules you should do so in writing. I know that this may be difficult to do but it sounds like it’s necessary. If school orientation is mandatory for school registration, then your ex should take him. Maybe it’s not necessary for both of you to go and your ex, for some reason, is trying to avoid you.
It sounds as though you are trying to work with someone who is not willing to meet you halfway on anything. Document everything and get a recorder for your phone. Getting the police involved will probably make matters worse. I would contact an attorney and do as little communicating with the ex as possible.
If you have an agreement in place that he signed then if he actually did cancel the alimony check you need to contact an attorney immediately. You do not have to change your name. In fact, I find that it’s better for children at least if the mother does not go back to the maiden name. This is too confusing for them to have a different last name, especially if he lives with you. If you CHOOSE to change your name now, after divorce is final, it will cost you. It can be done at the time of divorce.
The stuff about your son hating you…forget it. Kids do not know the difference. They do not realize that there is a area in between love and hate. Your son loves you. Please do not question that. He may be angry at you and/or not like you at the moment…there’s no indication of why…but he does not hate you.
I suggest that you put in writing to your ex that if he continues to include your son in the issues and disputes between you that you will have no choice except to decrease the amount of extra time that you allow him to spend with him. If your ex can not discusss rationally with you schedules and issues about your son then you should put your foot down on this and quit attempting to accomodate him. Do NOT argue with him, hang up. Do NOT negotiate with him. Make sure that he knows that HE is setting up how things are going to be. If you are not allowed to communicate with your son during his time, then the same will be true during your time. During your custodial time do NOT accept any calls or visits from him. Let him know that if he is willing to sit down and discuss things like adults, without his girlfriend or your son present then you will be glad to negotiate with him but you are NOT going to stand for this treatment or play games anymore.
My husband’s youngest son left a voicemail message for him telling him he hated him while they were going through the custody/divorce thing, because his mother, bless her heart, let him read the court papers. He was 7 years old at the time so all he really understood was that “Daddy is calling mommy a ***** and that she’s a terrible mom”. He doesn’t know what a ***** is, he had no reason to read the court complaint for custody and no way to understand that his father was doing what was necessary for his best interest. The next day, when my husband went to pick him up from school…he hugged his neck and told him he loved him, just like normal. He said he didn’t understand why he said all those things about his mom. My husband had to explain to him that she was trying to take them away from him and that he did not say anything that he did not believe was true.
Children should never be put in the middle of a custody battle but they always are. They love BOTH parents equally and should never be made to choose. Please contact an attorney.