Communicating Threats


#1

It sounds as though you should one, quit contacting your son while he is with his father. And two, contact an attorney.
If you have things to discuss, like school or schedules you should do so in writing. I know that this may be difficult to do but it sounds like it’s necessary. If school orientation is mandatory for school registration, then your ex should take him. Maybe it’s not necessary for both of you to go and your ex, for some reason, is trying to avoid you.
It sounds as though you are trying to work with someone who is not willing to meet you halfway on anything. Document everything and get a recorder for your phone. Getting the police involved will probably make matters worse. I would contact an attorney and do as little communicating with the ex as possible.

If you have an agreement in place that he signed then if he actually did cancel the alimony check you need to contact an attorney immediately. You do not have to change your name. In fact, I find that it’s better for children at least if the mother does not go back to the maiden name. This is too confusing for them to have a different last name, especially if he lives with you. If you CHOOSE to change your name now, after divorce is final, it will cost you. It can be done at the time of divorce.

The stuff about your son hating you…forget it. Kids do not know the difference. They do not realize that there is a area in between love and hate. Your son loves you. Please do not question that. He may be angry at you and/or not like you at the moment…there’s no indication of why…but he does not hate you.
I suggest that you put in writing to your ex that if he continues to include your son in the issues and disputes between you that you will have no choice except to decrease the amount of extra time that you allow him to spend with him. If your ex can not discusss rationally with you schedules and issues about your son then you should put your foot down on this and quit attempting to accomodate him. Do NOT argue with him, hang up. Do NOT negotiate with him. Make sure that he knows that HE is setting up how things are going to be. If you are not allowed to communicate with your son during his time, then the same will be true during your time. During your custodial time do NOT accept any calls or visits from him. Let him know that if he is willing to sit down and discuss things like adults, without his girlfriend or your son present then you will be glad to negotiate with him but you are NOT going to stand for this treatment or play games anymore.

My husband’s youngest son left a voicemail message for him telling him he hated him while they were going through the custody/divorce thing, because his mother, bless her heart, let him read the court papers. He was 7 years old at the time so all he really understood was that “Daddy is calling mommy a ***** and that she’s a terrible mom”. He doesn’t know what a ***** is, he had no reason to read the court complaint for custody and no way to understand that his father was doing what was necessary for his best interest. The next day, when my husband went to pick him up from school…he hugged his neck and told him he loved him, just like normal. He said he didn’t understand why he said all those things about his mom. My husband had to explain to him that she was trying to take them away from him and that he did not say anything that he did not believe was true.

Children should never be put in the middle of a custody battle but they always are. They love BOTH parents equally and should never be made to choose. Please contact an attorney.


#2

I agree with stepmother. Your relationship w/ your ex is in a bad place. I would also stop calling your son while he is with his father. I would only e-mail my ex unless it was an emergency or I could not reach him via e-mail and had to call.
Tell your son that if he wants to he can call you while he is w/ daddy. Tell him to let his daddy know but it is ok if he is busy or forgets. I would tell my ex via e-mail or certified mail that as things have disintegrated to this hostile situation between the two of you that the best course right now is to revert back to the original custody agreement and the visitation spelled out there until the situation improves. There is nothing he can do or say about that legal document until it is changed by a court ordered modification or a signed agreement between the parties.


#3

If you believe he will actually carry through on any of these threats you should contact the police. If you do not believe he will carry through on these threats then calling the police may make the situation more volatile. You know better than I do the facst of the situation and can better ascertain if he is serious.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#4

Contacting an officer to tell your ex not to make any more threats is really just part of an ongoing power struggle that you and your ex are engaged in. Don’t escalate the situation with tit-for-tat antics. Assert your strength in a more productive way. For example, do what stepmother said: let him know that you are going to have civil, substantive talks or you will choose to disengage him. If he won’t be courteous after a fair warning, hang up on his beligerant rump. Eventually he will get the picture: you can’t be pushed around.

I also agree that you should stop calling during his parenting time. I get my kids 4 days a month - that’s it. Yet, my ex makes sure to send them a gift or card each time they come to see me and she calls to talk to them for half an hour each of the 4 days they are will me. When I return them to her house she makes a big deal out of it, even stringing balloons to the front porch once to emphasize how glad she was to have them back. It is infuriating to see how hard she is trying to always be the “winner” between us in some stupid child loyalty war. My suggestion to you would be to trust your ex to take care of things when the kids are with him and reserve contact only for absolutely vital things.


#5

I have no idea if he will act or not. I’m not certain either way. I know and I feel that he absolutely hates me. I have sought legal advise and I’m having a letter drafted from an attorney indidcating that if the threats continue then I will pursue criminal charges.

quote:
[i]Originally posted by Helena Nevicosi[/i] [br]If you believe he will actually carry through on any of these threats you should contact the police. If you do not believe he will carry through on these threats then calling the police may make the situation more volatile. You know better than I do the facst of the situation and can better ascertain if he is serious.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.



#6

Situation just getting worse. I called to say Good Morning to my son and to ask if dad was bringing him to his new school orientation tonight. He said no he was not. When I protested, because he is doing this out of spite, I was told that my son hates me, that he will make sure he always hates me, that I’m going to go down, that he hopes I paid my rent because he cancelled the ‘check’, change my last name, etc…
I have the right to have an officer contact him to ask him not to communicate any further threats to me. I’m just wondering if it is time to take it to this level or not. Will it make things worse or is it the right thing to do. It’s like you are darned if you do and darned if you don’t. If I do then he will likely retaliate and if I don’t and he actually acts on any of his threats then I will be told that I should have done something. In need of advice…