I’m glad that there are some out there willing to adjust to the situation and I applaud you attempting to be a better person. Separation and divorce is difficult for everyone involved, the one that is left, the one that left and the children, not to mention anyone who gets involved with either parent.
The main thing to keep in mind is that the child/children have love both parents and if at all possible it’s better if they are both involved in that child’s life. Just because a husband or wife leaves does not mean that that child has “lost” a mother or father.
I never got the no contact order though I had more than enough to be able to. There are a couple of reasons that I didn’t…one is that I believed it would only make the situation worse (if possible) and the other was that the boys would have never understood if I had had their mother arrested…
I carried a disposable camera with me for a year and I told everyone that if it took her beating my a** to get her off my back then that is what would have to happen. I couldn’t stop it, I wouldn’t run from it, but that when/if it happened, there would be witnesses, there would be pictures, hospital and police report and I would not drop assault charges. What finally worked was me putting all my attention on my relationship with him and the children and completely ignoring the fact that she existed…I did not talk badly about her to the children, I did not hate her. I do not respond well to being screamed at…
Whenever one of the boys said anything about how much she hated me and how bad that made them feel, I told them that they didn’t need to concern themselves about that because it didn’t matter to me. They would say, but she called you ---- and I would ask them what difference that made. It/they were just words and they couldn’t hurt me unless I let them. I knew that the things she said about me weren’t true and that’s all that mattered.
They both saw me walk away from her yelling and screaming in my face and shoving me. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It made her more angry that I wouldn’t hit her but I am not a violent person and have never seen the reason for it. It broke my heart to see the boys so upset over the way she was acting.
If this woman is a problem for you then my suggestion is this: do not respond to her. Keep documentation in case it’s ever needed, but in every other aspect you can pretend that she doesn’t exist. If they are standing there, do not look at her, she’s not there for you to see. Do not talk to her. Do not make any reference to her whatsoever. It may cause the situation to be worse for a bit but you can always mention to the ex that when his girlfriend grows up and can be an adult then there may be a way for the two of you to communicate again. Let him know that in the mean time, she needs to quit contacting you or you will be forced to take legal action.