Its time for me to let this out


I am in a situation where I was perceived as the other woman however I dont consider myself the other woman. My husband met me at a time that he and his ex-wife split up but not yet divorced. They lived separately however he still paid the bills at the marital home to ensure that she and the kids kept a roof over their heads. She had some hope of them working things out but he did not and from what I KNOW from her own mouth this is true. No we are in a situation where she blames me for her divorce but according to EVERYONE who knows them she was the deciding factor. Not me and not him. I was actually told that there was nothing he wouldnt do for her but she was the one with the issues. She is not innocent by far. She had MANY bisexual relationships during their marriage. I honestly believe with everything in me that she is MENTALLY ILL because her thinking is so WARPED. Well now fast forward to today. I am happily married to her ex-husband. They have 2 children together. She believes it is her right to run things in my household because she has children. She uses them as her leverage and her crutch. We have been through a lot with this lady and now I have made it clear to her that she is not to contact me. ANYTHING regarding the children should be directed to my husband. Well she threatened me this past week that things could get ugly and that she was coming to my home and could bring the police after I told her she was not welcome there. I am in the process of filing a police report. My question is… am I wrong for not wanting any contact with her. Should I have contact with her even though she brings so much UNNECESSARY drama to our lives and the childrens lives. I feel that I am married to my husband and his children and NOT her so therefore I do not have to deal with her. With that said I am a very respectful person and I tried to get along with her but she chose the state that our relationship is in and I dont feel I have to keep trying. What do you think. If you need more background I am happy to share. My life has been like a soap opera this past 2 years. Unbelievable!


jchoseme, I’m sorry you’re having these issues, divorce can be difficult all around. I’m no expert, but what I can offer you is this: you will always be connected to the ex-wife as long as there are children involved, even as they grow up and leave the home. None of this was of their choosing, and they must live with the decisions and atmosphere that surrounds them. So the choice is yours: completely distance yourself from her and have no dealings with her whatsoever, or accept her for who she is in your new family’s life and let the bad feelings go. I recommend the latter. From now on, just go forward and leave the past behind. He is your husband now, and he chose you. However, she will ALWAYS be the mother of these children, and as such will always be in your life. Make your own life easier and accept this from the heart. Be friendly, accommodating, and non-judgmental. Get along. Don’t be the one who makes the children anxious and your husband stressed. Remember the concept of “pay it forward?” Try it. She will never be your best friend, but she is not the enemy. Be the hero. It will make holidays easier and life in general happier. Let us know what happens, there are people out here who care.


If you are in such a shattered stage of life then why don’t you talk about it to your husband. You both should sit together and find some way out.


I agree w/ emerson, you should talked it together with your husband so that he can do something regarding the matter. your the legal wife now and nothing she can do with that.