I don’t know how to write this without either giving a great deal of background information or making it seem like I am making things up about my husband and trying to find out a way to prove it later on (or maybe I’m just so used to hearing my husband tell me that I’m trying to make things up to destroy him that I feel like nobody will believe me).
I will try to keep my questions brief and hope that someone who has been in a similar situation can relate and give me some advice.
My husband is a heavy drinker. Averages 10-12 beers/night (weeknights). I’ve expressed concerns for probably 10 years now. He always says that I am exaggerating my concerns or attempting to make him stop as a way to control him.
There is literally nobody else in the world except my family and our 12 year old daughter who can confirm my story. He has no close friends and only a few family members alive and none of them live closer than 8 hours away.
We had been separated, and tried to reconcile, but it is NOT working. I have serious concerns about his drinking and being alone with our children. Our younger 2 have special needs and neither one would be able to problem solve if something happened and they couldn’t wake him up at night. He has a history of lying about drinking, hiding cans/boxes of 12 packs, taking his can collection with him to throw away after he leaves the house, etc.
He does still maintain a full time job with all great deal of responsibility, and has never had a DUI. Two more things he claims are proof that I am exaggerating my concerns in an effort to take our kids away from him.
How in the world do I go about addressing my concerns when it is literally my word against his?
And I guess to piggy back on that, I have concerns for his mental health as well. I have been going to counseling on and off for a long time to treat my anxiety and depression.
His childhood was anything but normal, but I do not want to get into specifics. He is a veteran who served in Afghanistan, his best friend who he served with committed suicide a few years ago, he lost both of his parents in the past 10 years. He isolates himself, refuses to communicate with me, and drinks heavily as I stated earlier. I am not an expert, but I do see signs of narcissism and/or feel like there is emotional abuse toward me and our children to some extent, but again, my word against his.
After years and years of living like this, I know it has had an impact on my mental health as well, which he is very quick to bring up whenever I mention any of my concerns.
I’m wondering what can possibly be done legally to validate my concerns when the time comes.