Condonement of affair?


What are the rules in which an affair is “forgiven”/condoned in NC?

Here are the factors to consider in this particular situation:

  • Affair lasted for 5 years of the marriage with someone else who is also married
  • Marriage was in trouble prior to the beginning of the affair, although the couple had a child during the affair and continued sexual relations throughout
  • The married couple were in and out of marriage counseling throughout the time of the affair, where ironically the offending spouse was actively working on the married but the jilted spouse was not
  • The jilted spouse wanted to save the marriage
  • The jilted spouse wrote a letter to the offending spouse stating that they were forgiving them and that they understood why they did it and that they wanted to stay in the marriage
  • The married couple had intercourse twice since the affair was known
  • The jilted spouse scheduled and attended marriage counseling for 2 months after finding out about the affair
  • The offending spouse decided to terminate the marriage
  • The jilted spouse eventually moved out ~ 3 months later (at the urging of the offending spouse)
  • If subpoenaed, phone and email records could also prove that the affair has continued after the jilted spouse learned of the affair, even though the offending spouse stated it had ceased.
  • The separation agreement states that each party can date as if unmarried and that they will not accuse anyone’s romantic interest of aa/cc.

Thanks in advance.


Based on the facts even if the affair was forgiven by the jilted spouse it was revived after the fact.


FWIW, based upon all the posts that you’ve sent over the last couple of days, you have a waiver (not a well-written one) of any AA/CC claims against a 3rd party. It no longer matters whether or not the affair has resumed. You cannot sue the 3rd party for AA/CC as per the terms of your signed, notarized separation agreement. If you undertook such an action, you would likely be slapped with a countersuit for violation of the terms of your separation agreement. If your agreement was not notarized or signed, then you may be able to argue your way out of the restriction, but unless that is the case, I’m afraid that you’ll have to stick by all the terms of the separation agreement.


Is this the case even if it could be proven that the affair never really stopped? That could only be proven through subpoenaed phone/email records, but still just wondering if it matters if the affair never ceased.


Nope. When you signed that separation agreement, you were of sound mind and agreed to the terms. According to your statements, you agreed not to accuse/prosecute a 3rd party for AA/CC. There was no additional statement saying “unless the affair is resumed”…just a blanket agreement not to prosecute, so technically you agreed to the clause.