Court Appearances

Forgot to add that there is still one minor child involved and the case was decided here in Wake County. My ex lives in another county 150 miles away.

you and your ex can sign a consent order that is filed with the court and will be sent on to Child Support without going through a lawyer at all. Contact your Child Support offices and they will explain this to you. I would suggest to you that you do this sooner rather than later. If you go the route of filing a modification and having to go to court it can take several weeks for the modification to occur. We are going through this now. We filed for modification in April, had a court date for June, had a consent order signed in early June and are still waiting for modification amount to change.

That sounds good. The only problem is that I am sure that my ex wants as much as she can possibly get. I have some unusual expenses that are not usually calculated in a straight consent order. I carry life insurance on both of my children and I am also 100% responsible for all costs associated with pick up and drop off for visitations. Since my round trips each way twice a month come to around 600 miles, and the fact that, as we all know too well, gas has tripled or more since 2001 when the original order was filed, I think I must present these extraordinary expenses to the court. I don’t think there is any way my ex would sign a consent order that would grant me any help with that.

Add to that is the fact that she has not worked a full time paying job in nearly 4 years. She has being “going to school” to get her teacher’s certificate and her master’s degree. She has her certificate, but apparently has not landed a teacher’s job. She will not consider just getting a job to bring in money. I will need the court to impute some sort of income to her, because it is not fair for me to shoulder 100% of the child support when she is able to work, whether she is willing to do so or not is another question. Her new husband inherited a lot of money and in a little over 4 years, they have gone through it all with vacations, cruises, etc. while I have paid through the nose in child support. Now they are broke, but that’s not my fault.

I replied on your other post, please read. Yes I would go to court for this modification, there is no reason why she can’t work. A lot of people work, go to school and take care of kids, even married ones. Sounds like she has been getting a free ride financially and not being responsible for anything. Present to the court all of your evidence, everything that you pay for. I would ask the court that she meets you halfway for visitation, since she’s the one that moved. I know this can be done, I have a relative that this was ordered, meet halfway. The courts seem to forget “best interest” for kids when they financial strap one of the parents, both should be held accountable for the children, not just one. Advice: GOOD attorney and present all evidence, tell the court how you have provided for children and show how she has or hasn’t.
Good Luck

If your wife can’t drive, it’s not your fault, it’s her responsibility to show up for court. If she can’t drive how is she going to every get a job? Bring this up in court. Also, you can add to your paper that other responsible adults can drive the children to the halway point for visitation. Go to SPARC website for help, it’s a good website. If you don’t have money for attorney again read this site and present EVERYTHING to the court. I would still check to see how much an attorney would charge for this motion. Ask them if you could get attorney fees from her, probably not but ask anyway. See if you are eligible for pro bono attorney to help you, there is a list on NC who might help. Did you agree that she could move children, this was a change of circumstance, you could have filed a motion on this to stop her or get custody.
Good Luck

Thanks, I have talked with several attorneys though that say that since she does not work, and can show no income, if I were to go to court to try to lower my child support, my support would actually be increased because she shows no income and all the income is mine. That hardly seems fair, but they say those are the guidelines. I’ve even run the guideline calculator on this site and it shows an increase.

If your children are all over the age of three she will be imputed at least minimum wage in the calculation of child support. You should go to court and present your evidence, the court will rule based on the evidence that has been presented. If she cannot be there it is not your responsibility to present her evidence to the judge.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
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My ex and I are going to have to recalculate my child support since my son is now 19 and has graduated from high school. Since the child support goes through the NC Collections Agency and is set by the court, I must file for a modification. I understand that I have to appear in court on the specified date so the judge can set the new amount. However, my ex is in a different situation. She lives 150 miles away and cannot drive. She also is looking for a job and I do not want to get in the way of her working. Is there any way that the judge can rule on this case without her being in court? Neither of us is represented by an attorney at this point and neither one of us can afford one either. Could I have her send me or the court the pertinent documentation (pay stubs, etc.) without her actually appearing in court?