Custody and discipline


#1

The behavior your 13 yr old is exhibiting does not seem typical of that age…pinching and yelling? Seems more like you are describing an angry 5 or 6 yr old who has not gotten their way. Have you tried taking this child to counseling? Perhaps she is acting out some of her anger/frustration/grief in this way? I think it is a mistake to match anger with anger and physical violence with physical violence. This doesn’t teach her anything but to fear you or to go to her father when she can’t get her way at your home. It is important that the two of you( you and your ex) be at least be on a similar page when it comes to dealing with your children, if not the same page. If you cannot accomplish this through talking between yourselves you may want to talk through a mediator. Many children will use conflict between parents and different parenting styles to manipulate one or both parents until they get what they want.
Eventually you will drive her away or the police will be called…


#2

There is no law in this state that prohibits corporal punishment, however there is no specific line that separates corporal punishment from abuse, that is decided on a case by case basis.

Your spouse does not have the right to dictate how you discpline your child or to make rules about what happens during your custodial time. However, it sounds like you are having some struggles with your daughter, have you thought about some counseling?

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
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ROSEN.COM

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#3

My ex-husband and I have been divorced for almost 5 years. We have 3 children 19 yr, 15, and 13. We currently have joint custody. They life with him one week and with me one week. We have very differnet values and very differnet lifestyles. Recently my 13 yr old has been having alot of attitude problems which I believe require some discipline. She will pitch temper tantrums in public and throw things arcoss the room, she hits and pinches when she doesnt get her way and will scream and yell if she doesnt get her way. On one such recent rant I spanked her and then when she started screaming that she hated me and where we lived and that she was not going to what she was asked I slapped in face. (Not even enough to leave a red mark but so that she would know that those kind of words were not to come out of her mouth in that manner) I also grounded her and took her cell phone away from her.

After that she called her father and he has said that he will have me arrested. That I was not allowed to discipline them and that I was not allowed to touch them and that they would no longer be able to live at my house. Nor was I allowed to take the cell phone away from her because he gave it to her. He does not discipline them at all and allows them to do what ever they want with no rules or expectations on how they are to behave.

Is it illeagl to spank your children for misbehaving and can one parent dictate what can or cannot be used as far as punishment. I do not want to lose my children but I do belive that occasionaly spanking your children is an appropriate from of punishment. I know I only had to wear my parents hand print a time or two to learn that there was an inappropriate way to speak to my parents.