So basically you have joint custody/50/50 right? Are you paid child support? Do you have joint legal custody?
He cannot sign your child up for these events during your custodial time without your permission and I’m sure that your lawyer would tell you that.
You should be sharing these types of unusual out of pocket expenses 50/50
I would do the following:
Carefully read over your custody order and see if it has any existing language about joint legal custody and sharing of expenses.
Approach your ex first via e-mail or certified letter and try and work this out as far as scheduling of these camps and the sharing expenses. Explain to him that you do not schedule things during his custodial period and cannot bear the expense on your own.
Depending on the age of your child you may want to have a talk with your child about this situation. If they are old enough they will understand that both parents, regardless of the divorce, need to play a part in these types of decisions and that money IS an issue.
If you cannot resolve this you will have to go back to the table with your lawyers and mediators/counselors.
I have a similar situation. My ex and I have 50/50 custody of our two children. We share insurance, medical, school expenses equally, but when it comes to recreation, the parent who decided to sign them up for it pays for it. My issue is however, that my children have indicated to me that their father and step-mom have a cruise planned for this year. I do not know if this is a week long cruise, a weekend cruise, or a 2 week deal. Nothing has been said to me about it. If this cruise is taken, that means, he will expect me to give up my days with my children so they can be on a cruise with him. He has done this before in the past–planned vacations before “asking” me if I would be willing to give up my days. I don’t have the $$ to haul him into court over this.
I might get chewed out for this, but here is my take:
If my kids had an opportunity to go on a cruise and it was over one of my weekends, then I would say great! It’s a good opportunity. NOW that being said, out of courtesy, he should let you know of the dates. If it’s over the summer, then how about asking if you can double-up weekends? It’s not worth dragging someone into court over 3 days. I know time is precious, but not allowing your kids go on this fun opportunity (or making a big deal of it)is doing them a disservice, in my opinion.
I know he’s been unreasonable in the past (ie: the tournament issue) and it sounds like he’s emotionally blackmailing you too (with his educated sounding wording). Question: did you have lawyer representation when you were in court last time? Sounds like a new lawyer is needed…especially if you earn 1/3 his income. You can’t be expected to provide as he does 50/50. You can’t pay what you don’t have ya know? Seems his ‘threats’ are to intimidate you.
Since I’m having a problem posting a new topic I’ll post it in yours, How long does it takes for Child Support Enforcement to enforce payment on the defendant, the order was given in Sept 06 and I haven’t recieved a payment yet and the enforcement agency has had all documentation since Sept 06. this is Durham Count I’m talking about.
I think you will likely win on this issue. I would file a motion if I were you to show cause for why he is trying to take away your time. What is more important - time at camp or time with a parent? You should win this. Thanks
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
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1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
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The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
My custody order states that my ex and I share custody on an alternating week schedule. My ex has signed my child up for a month long summer camp without my consent or agreement. This camp takes away 2 weeks of my custodial time. I received an email from my ex in which he states that I need to reconsider my stance concerning this camp and further states that “with human certainty, I am taking a position that has no chance of being supported or sustained”. In other words, he will take me to Court over this issue. The judge in this case has made no ruling whatsover in my favor. Nothing. The ex gets whatever he wants. This judge indirectly ordered me to take my child to a tennis tournament on my custodial time that my ex had signed my child up for without my consent or agreement. Had my son advanced in this tournament, I would have been forced to take my son to an out of town tournament requiring overnight stays and much expense on my custodial time. However, my son did not advance and I had nothing whatsoever to do with this tournament which was 3 1/2 hours away from home. I do support my son in his endeavors, but this situation was way out of line and beyond anything that I wanted for my child—a two week tournament. Had he advanced, I could have possibly ended up staying out of town for 5 nights with all expenses coming out of my pocket. I do not have the income that my ex has—less than 1/3.
Anyway, I fully expect to be dragged to Court over the camp issue. I fully expect the judge to order me to give up 2 weeks of my custody and pay 50% for this camp, which is over 3,000. Do I have any recourse whatsover? Probably not. Thanks.