Separation agreements are always cleaner than going to court. Problem is you both have to agree.
The only certain thing about going to court is the uncertainty.
It is hard to say what a judge would do. I think you have the advantage. He left you with the kids. You could easily get temporary custody since they are with you. Temporary custody tends to have a better chance of becoming permanent custody. He would have to travel here to fight you. With temporary custody comes child support. That too has a tendency of becoming permanent.
Same thing would happen if you filed for ED (Equatable Distribution). He would have to fight you here.
All of this ignores the fact that you would be paying an attorney to do all of this for you. You know they don’t work for free.
My opinion is that an agreement is always the best way to approach domestic issues if possible. As for custody, I prefer court orders because they are easier to enforce, especially across state lines, and they are more difficult to change. It is possible to agree on custody and have the agreement drafted into what is called a Consent Order, or you may have a separation agreement incorporated into your divorce decree. Either way all the terms are agreed upon prior to submitting the order to court.
If you do chose to litigate the matter ( which I recommend only if you cannot agree on the terms of an order) I can
My husband moved out of our marital home in NC and moved to NY. Would it be better for us to agree with a separation agreement as to the custody of the children, or would it be better to let it go through the court? Would a judge actually require the children (7 & 4) to travel 800 miles to see him for visitation, or would he have to come here to see them?