Custody Questions - One parent keeping child from the other

There is no current custody agreement as we have always been able to work out things between us. The child in question got grounded for some bad behavior and called the other parent saying they wanted to be picked up because they were upset. The parent came and picked them up against the parent’s wishes who grounded them (and whos house they were at at the time). Now the parent who picked them up is refusing to send the child back to the other parent’s house. No reason has been given other than that the kid “doesn’t want to come and should be able to choose where they want to be”. The kid is barely 13 and is now messaging the parent they haven’t seen saying they don’t want to come back and that it is their choice. The other parent is totally and utterly non responsive other than to say they can’t make the child do anything now that they are 13.

Prior to this incident the parents had 50/50 custody for the past 5 - 7 years. In fact, due to the parent that now has the kid changing the schedule all the time, the parent that is being kept away from the child actually had them about 55% of the time. The parent that is now being kept away from the child has never missed an event, pays for all field trips and extra curricular activities, handles all doctor’s appts, school related issues, etc.

At this point, there are concerns about what is being said to the child at the other parent’s house that is making them act this way. The one parent is constantly trying to perpetuate a story about the child hating the other parent though the child is always happy, healthy and well taken care of. The child shows no signs of displeasure with the parent they haven’t seen unless they get in trouble (as all 13 year olds do from time to time). Otherwise they are always happy and everything is fine. The child does tell the parent they are now avoiding all the time how the other parent upsets them, doesn’t care about them, etc. which shows some emotional immaturity and maybe indicates that they are saying these things to both parents, about the other.

Based on this my questions are: how likely is the judge to reinstate the 50/50 physical custody agreement? Do you think it is possible for the parent who is being shunned to get sole legal custody based on the actions of the other parent (causing instability for the child)? Would a judge look at this as one parent trying to keep a kid from the other parent even though there is no agreement?

The best way to resolve this issue is to file a child custody action against the other parent. By law, children do not have a say so in where they should live until they are 18 years-old.

A judge is likely going to order a joint physical custody schedule (i.e. 50/50) absent any serious issues that could affect the child.

It is not likely that the parent who is being shunned would be awarded sole legal custody. Generally parents each have joint legal custody.

Yes, a judge would consider the fact that one parent is trying to keep the child from the other parent, and a judge would not look favorably on the parent keeping the child from the other.


Anna Ayscue

Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest

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