Dear Sandy:

Greetings. First, I am sorry that this issue has brought you so many sleepless nights. Your anxiety is understood.

First, you may want to speak with your daughter about the living situation and visitation to determine her desires. Next, you may want to offer him a reduction (a small reduction)in child support to avoid the costs of litigation.

Finally, if that fails, I suggest that you find witnesses to your ex’s drug and alcohol use/abuse other than your children, keep a calendar of events and visitation, record your calls with your ex, and keep all of your communications confined to positive written communications when possible. Let us know if we can help!

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Divorce
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


I was granted sole custody of my 3 kids in Sept 2003. My 2 eldest have little to do with their dad. My youngest, 10 years old still has a relationship with her dad. His visitation is not specified in our custody papers. So I pretty much let my daughters see their dad when they want to, I never put up roadblocks to their relationship with him. My ex and I can not talk; he is very angry and bitter. All communication is through the kids or notes written by him. I will call him to give him any info that I feel he needs to know, but the conversation is very limited and difficult. Their dad has a history of drug and alcohol abuse that the older kids can attest to.

He has decided that he wants to pursue shared custody of my youngest. His reasoning is that she needs to be brought up by both parents, I believe he is looking at reducing child support. He is looking for 50% at his house, 50% at mine. I do not support this, and will fight with every ounce of energy that I have. With that said, I do not want my child to be dragged into a selection process.

Will the courts entertain this option? Nothing substantial has changed in my life since he left our family over a year ago. I have begun dating, but am very discreet and careful in my life. I am also very involved with my kid