I’m a little confused. Your ex’s wife tried to talk your son into staying in CA and he did not agree? This was at the airport, picking them up at the beginning of the visit or dropping them off at the end of the visit?
Regardless, they can not keep him since there is an agreement stating that the children live with you in NC. Your ex may be trying to get custody modified but I would say that after this long it may be difficult to get primary custody. Gather all the information about non payment of child support and visitations. If he is not taking his visitation because they do not want to move there, then I would say that he’s giving up his opportunity to see his children. If this is just his wife trying to make the children feel badly about not wanting to move, then I suggest you discuss this with your ex. He needs to be aware that you have primary custody according to the agreement that he signed. He needs to know that children should never be made to choose between their parents and they should never feel badly if they do choose!
You really should consult an attorney if he files for Custody but the fact that you have had the children for 4 years since your divorce will help in the long run. The courts would want to know why he wants to uproot the children’s lives and routines and why it would be better for them to live with him. He will have to file here in NC where the children reside.
You could also go to DSS and file for child support. This would be going through the state and would required him to pay every month. It’s an option, but keep in mind that once the state or the courts get involved in custody or child support it is difficult to go back to agreement status. It’s a good idea to consult an attorney to know where you stand legally, but it’s cheaper and easier to work something out between yourselves.

I sorry that was confusing. My exes wife was taking them to the airport to come back home, they visited for 9 days. The story is a long one regarding everything that happen but in short my ex lived in CA for 2 years after our divorce, he saw the kids ony for maybe 5 weeks the whole time. He decided to move here after he got married to be closer to the kids and we had the kids 50/50. My oldest decided to tell her father she wanted to stay with me and visit him on weekends. He got REALLY mad, screamed at her with profound words and told her he was not a meal ticket and was not paying child support, and he was moving back to CA because of her statement, and his wife said that they were going to move and adopt so they will have someone who loves them, so he moved back to CA in February of this year. My oldest refuses to visit him and is scared he is still mad at her. I filed for Child Support in February and still have not gotten a dime!
He only wants the youngest (the only boy) and that really is tramatizing to the girls. His wife has pulled many stunts regarding the children ex: telling them they came out of her stomach when they were born, they have to call her mommy or they get in trouble, telling the kids that they are the fun parents and we are not, telling the kids they have more money and they need to live there, etc., I could go on and on!!
I am not sure what to do I don’t have alot of money and apparently he does (he tells child support he has none, but on the kids trip there they told me that she bought a brand new BMW, they went to a theme park and stayed in resorts the whole time!!) Can I file these papers myself without a lawyer??? I paid the last lawyer $5,000 and got nothing but a divorce finalized and paper drawn but never signed by a judge!!!

Lisa Ayscue

In order for the judge to sign I believe that custody would have to be heard, making your agreement a court order. I am not sure if you can file for custody without an attorney, possibly someone else knows.
It sounds as though you really have nothing to worry about. If you had an agreement originally that stated you have primary custody, then he can not keep your son, unless he files for custody and wins. I believe that he would be hard pressed to find a judge who would overturn an agreement that has worked for 4 years, simply because he has more money. In fact, given the fact that he hasn’t paid you child support and his wife is bragging to the children that they have more money a judge would likely raise some serious questions about his finacial responsibility to his children.
You should contact DSS and find out where your case for child support stands. He is supposed to provide them with finacial information so that they can determine the amount he owes. If necessary contact the Child Support Enforcement Agency. You obviously know where he lives…
Keep records of everything even verbal agreements and make yourself a journal with dates that things happened.

I have called Child Support everyday, the local and 1800 number. Apparently the paperwork sent back to them with my exes signature had one of the copies with the wrong date so the judge would not approve it so they sent another copy with the correct date and that was almost 2 months ago and they still have ot received the paperwork back signed by the judge. I am really disappointed in child support enforcement. I feel as if they are not enforcing the fact that he has a load of money and telling child support he has none and they set child support at $300. total, we pay out $200. for support for one child (my husbands daughter) and that is not court ordered, we do it for the well being of his daughter!!

Lisa Ayscue

I am not sure I understand your question. If you are worried that he will keep custody of your children, the easiest way to resolve this would be for both of you to sign a consent order where you both agree to a custody schedule. If he will not agree and you are worried that they are going to keep the children, you can file a lawsuit for custody in North Carolina and ask to have a Judge make a decision regarding custody. If you do not have the funds to afford an attorney, you can represent yourself in court, you do not have to have an attorney.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780


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I have 3 children from my previous marraige. Our divorce was in 2003. The children reside with me in NC and my ex now lives in CA. We never had papers signed by a judge concerning custody, we only have papers signed by him and I from 2003 stating that he was living in CA and I in NC and the kids would reside here. Two of the kids recently visited and my exes new wife tried to talk the youngest (only boy) into staying in CA and apparently when he did not say he wanted to live there she stated "Well get on the plane then, I talked to your dad and he is in class crying. " (they were at the airport when she was doing this. What are my rights? Can she keep him there? How can I go about getting these papers signed by a judge w/out spending alot on a lawyer. We really do not have alot of money and haven’t had any help with child support for at least 6 months. The kids are supposed to go back for Thanksgiving and I am scared that they will try to keep my son. My ex called this morning and asked who our divorce lawyer was and I am terrified that he is getting a lawyer (he can afford it he doesn’t pay for his kids!)

Lisa Ayscue