Oh gosh, THANK YOU for your reply. So I am not nuts, as he insisting?
I do want to clarify something. My son IS a good kid. Mr. Straight A Honor Roll, Sportsmanship Award twice in his baseball league, the darling of every teacher he’s ever had, to the extent that a couple of teachers have contacted me to tell me just that–not complaints, but, “Wow, your son is so great! What a leader” etc.
But yes, you’re right, the drugs thing. I was a good kid too. A lot like my son, but my parents went through a horrifying divorce (but this is way, way worse in comparison) and I was so messed up as a young adult as a result.
You mentioned getting a court order, etc. My goal? I’m so sad as I write this, but my goal is to have SOLE custody of both of these children. Not out of vengeance. No good comes of that; I’ve found that out myself. And it’s not out of selfishness; heck, I’d love to have down time, safe in the knowledge that Dad has both children and the weekend is all mine, to do whatever I want, even if it’s just changing all the sheets and listening to music and reading. But this?
Oh, someone, please, help me. Hear my scream for the welfare of my babies. I know I sound so dramatic, but this man corrupted my older daughter (from a former marriage, that husband deceased), and although I loved him, and I fought so hard to make it work and wanted it to work, I know it can’t, and I cannot ignore this outrageous incident. As we speak, my son is once again alone for a few days.
I"m going to copy Mr. Father’s most recent email to me, just because I want to, I don’t know, show how arrogant and irresponsible this is. It has eaten me alive since last week. THANK YOU FOR YOUR MORAL SUPPORT. I"m really lost and scared. My children are, like yours, precious, in the literal sense of the word. I’d never leave precious METALS open like this; I cannot get inside the head of someone who would leave a precious child open to all that can happen in such a situation as this.
And yes, I agree with you, about A DAY or an EVENING alone. But extended weekends? No communication? And then this? Here’s the latest email message, and believe me, I kept it very short, very civil in my communication to him, something like this: }I don’t condone this, no. Yes, I believe you have a right to enjoy your life and I am glad that you are, but this must never happen again."
Here’s the email chain:
My first email to him, doing the best I could to veil anger I felt:
<<I’m not going to get into this with you right now. I just want it cyrstal clear: I do NOT condone this. And I let you know that before. And you outright lied to me, telling me he was staying with friends. I’m not angry, but I’m really, really concerned.
Yes, we both know he is a good kid. We both agree on that. Totally self-sufficient? I don’t think so. No one thinks a fourteen-year-old is self-suffienct . . . to the extent that you are doing this.
That’s all I’m going to say. I don’t approve of this and I let you know ahead of time. You have a duty to be upfront with me when it comes the welfare of these children. We both do.
Yes, L can come hang out with you. Of course.
And thank you very much for bringing her bike by.
Oh, while K has down time this week, and before school starts, you might want to consider that he ought to come over here and start packing up his room, if he is indeed moving in with you. If you guys are planning a move early September, NOW is the time for him to get that stuff done. You really shouldn’t put it off, esp because he’ll be in school by then. He can have all the privacy he wants. I’ve picked up some boxes for him.
One more time, I don’t condone what you are doing, and I do wish that you would think this over a bit. Try considering what your reaction would have been had I done such a thing, okay? >>>>>>>
Home, he did very well, place is clean, he had no
problems, that Nols
course really paid off he is an independent self sufficient
young man that can
definitely be trusted. Will be leaving town tomorrow two
more days, he will be
fine, he knows what to in any case, emergency etc. will be
back Thursday or
Friday. Will be working Saturday and was wondering if I
could see [little girl]
Saturday night and she can spend the night. Let me know,
In a message dated 8/17/2008 9:15:45 P.M. Eastern Daylight
I’d really appreciate that. Just concerned about
him. When WILL you be back.
************ then this today, which I just ignored. ****************
K and I will be moving this week and next and by early September. He will need to get into your apartment and start to pack. The sooner I get set up the better. Lets make one thing clear, if you want to be the sole guardian of K as you were you need to make that arrangement once again. Otherwise we are managing just fine…
I will once again be out of town till Thursday, Please refrain from making scenes with police etc, I dont see where any of that is necessary, it only creates more problems. K is managing very well.
Is it me and wishful thinking that the line about “if you want to be sole custodian” sounds like he might be ambivalent, after his FIRST week of single parenting? I just don’t know what to make of that.
And this line about involving the police and making a scene? I called and asked for the ON CALL social worker; the police asked me to explain and then THEY decided to send officers to the home to check on my son. Keep in mind, if you are reading this (and I realize this may be really boring, just too much drama) that this guy has had multiple issues with the local police for domestic violence issues. Is he threatening me?
I really need help from other parents and if an atty can respond, even better. I just cannot fathom that this kind of neglect can take place and as the mother of this boy, I am powerless to do a thing about it?
That might also explain why I am up at this hour. I can’t sleep. I’m really worried.
ANY help, suggestions, anything is welcome. Please. And thank you very much to Coming Clean for the feedback. Help! I don’t want my so-far, so-good child to turn down the delinquency road, like I saw happen before. This guy is blind, but worse arrogant. He really insists that he is a great parent and that I am off my rocker for trying to insist on some rules, respect, etc.
God, I’m really hurting over this. And so, so worried.
Thanks to anyone who can offer ideas, insight, support, advice. I’m dying here.