Deviation from visitation order question


If you wish to change the schedule there is no reason you can not do that, however given how difficult he has been, it is probably best if you contact his attorney and ask to get the changes in a written order. You are correct that if you give him the children early, he could very well try to get them for the time set forth in the order as well.

P.S. Please feel free to bring up this or any other topic on our live call-in show every Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. EST. Visit for details

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

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I moved to FL from NC a few months ago. My ex and I have a temporary visitation order that was worked out by the attorneys.

The temporary order states he has the girls Christmas Day 5:00 pm (I am bringing them to NC because I am visitin my family anyway) until January 3rd - meeting me half-way for pick up. This is what he and his attorney asked for in court (we settled our of court).

He e-mailed me wanting me to bring the girls to him (deliver to his parents’ house) on December 20th, pick them back up at this parents’ house on Christmas Day, return them back to his parents’ house on the 26th and pick them back up again on the 28th @ 10:00am. He knows that I am working that week.

I responded saying that wasn’t the agreement that he and his attorney asked for in court, I was working that week and would not be in NC - so his proposed schedule was impossible and I would not deviate. He sent a response pitching a fit because his family gets together on Christmas Eve and they have always been with him on Christmas Eve. But this is what he and his attorney asked for.

I got to thinking about it and sent him an e-mail this past Sunday proposing a change that would allow him to have the girls Christmas Eve.

Here is the problem - my ex is absolutely nuts. He was to have the girls this week for Thanksgiving meeting me half-way for pick up and drop off. He repeatedly told me he wasn’t sure about exercising visitation due to his schedule. I told him I need to make child care plans because the girls were not in school and I really needed to know. I sent him an e-mail - he didn’t respond. Two days later, he sent a separate e-mail change the date, time and place for pick up, but then tells me over the phone that he did not send it. He said the now estranged wife must have. I sent him a copy of the e-mail to his work e-mail as he requested and asked him to confirm in writing that he did not send it. I thought the estranged wife was trying to setup a meeting with me and my girls. I was planning to use the confirmation to try and file a restraining order. He only responded that he would call me back later and never did.

He finally told me last Monday that he could not exercise visitation because he was playing all week (he plays in a band as a side thing). He then sent an e-mail to me and his attorney this past Friday which basically re-iterated the e-mail I got that he said he did not send, asking to change the date, time and place of pick up and asking about Christmas as stated above.

He is telling me one thing and then sending e-mails, copying his attorney, saying something completely different. It makes it look like I am being difficult about visitation, but I’m not.

Two questions -

How do I defend myself against this?

Let’s say we agree to change the visitation for Christmas and I have it in writing from him. He has the girls Dec 20th to Christmas Eve. Can he show up at my family’s house on Dec 25th with a police officer and the temporary visitation court order in hand and take the girls? This is something he is likely to do.