You may have some difficulty finding agreement with that even on this forum. I believe, as well as a lot of others on this site, that children should have both parents as involved in their lives as possible which means joint legal and physical custody with equal time.
If you have ask to have custody of the children and your ex has refused then it will need to go through mediation and go to court. Keep this in mind though, the only people who win in custody cases are the lawyers because they get paid no matter what the outcome is. If I were you, I would try to work out an agreement that you both can live with.
I know exactly what u mean and I have agreed to have the children live with me and he (my ex) could see them whenever he wants. I feel that he is using the children as a for me to stay. i don’t want to have sole custody of the children. I want them to spend as much time with their father. I just feel that with his schedule and timing and knowing that the children are mostly with me anyway that it would be an easier transition for them. he can see them whenever he wants to. i just don’t know what to do. what do u think
waiting for happiness!!
My opinion? I think you need to ask him if he’s doing this to make sure that he doesn’t lose time with the children or if he hasn’t accepted that your marriage is over. If it’s the first reason, then you may have some trouble convincing him. You could have an attorney draw up an agreement, (separation agreement if there’s not one), and have the custody terms in that along with equitable distribution. This can be broken down as much as you want to state days of the week the children are with each parent or simply stated that there is equal time and figure out what works best with both schedules. You can even write it yourself. Keep in mind that nothing about custody is written in stone, it can change from week to week if you don’t have a court order. Even then, if you and the ex get along, you can deviate to some extent from that as long as you hold up your end of the responsibility and ex holds up theirs. My husband and his ex switch off nights with the children sometimes to accomodate her changing work schedule or special plans for the children and they don’t get along at all. If you and the ex get along you have more room to try to do what’s best for the children.
If the reason he’s not agreeing to this is because he’s holding out hope for the marriage, you will need to let him know that this will not affect the outcome. Make sure that he understands that you are only asking for this for their benefit due to his schedule and that you will work with him if he has concerns. It may be that he’s refusing this solely on the child support amount. He will likely have to pay more if you have custody than if you share it. If he’s using the children as a bargaining chip then he needs to be reminded that the children should not be forced to endure what WILL be ugly if this goes to court. It always gets ugly in court, make no mistake. The attorney’s job is to make you look like the model parent and dig up as much dirt on your spouse as they can to make you look better. It is supposed to be proving you are a better parent but in the end it is still proving that your spouse is unfit. Your children may end up hearing things that they have no business knowing about either parent. Your children will be put in the middle even if it’s not intentional. If there’s any chance at all, find an arrangement you can agree on, because, rarely does a court award joint custody since that could be worked out without the courts involvement.
What you want and what is best for the children are 2 different things. How old are they and are they boys, girls or both? What do the children want? Also, would the children be better off with someone who works and can provide for them or someone who just wants to live off the other spouce? If, you end up going to court, the children will become pawns. I went to my Temp Child Custody/PSS and Child Support hearing today and my wife and her attorney tried to get the judge to allow them to be witnesses but the judge would not at this stage of the divorce. My wife has had temp custody of them for 6 months and has convinced them that they would be better off in her care and has told them to tell lies on the stand. They are 12 and 14 year old boys. She has turned them against me and asked for outrages amounts of money to support them all after she herself quit working the week before she filed for divorce. I just hope the judge can see through her ploy and do the right thing for the boys. If I can’t make it on whats left, I will have to become a deadbeat dad or another statistic.
It’s so sad to see the boys having to be a witness against their own father when they both love me a lot but have been brainwashed by the Ex. They will have to live the rest of their lives with this and it will not be easy for them.
Phil
Dear susanao:
Greetings. Yes, you can “civilly” and “amicably” retain an attorney that can help you collaborate on a solution. No, I have no advice for you on how to get him to agree with you, but I am sure that you will find a resolution that works for your children to have access to both of you. Thank you.
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
I am in the process of leaving my marriage and I am having difficulty coming to terms with the whole custody issue. I am at battles with my spouse about who my children should be with. I really don’t want to do anything legally because i know that it is a long process and it can get dirty sometimes. is there any way that i can go about this in civil way? I want to get him to agree that the children should stay with me. any advise.
waiting for happiness!!