If he can get an agreement signed by her to the affect that he maintains custody, visitation, child support and any other details that they have worked out, the courts do not have to be involved at all. If they can not agree on custody, child support then the courts would have to decide. There is a sample separation agreement on the home site. Though it does not have children mentioned you can get an idea of what could be put in. Child support, child custody, visitations and all details can be put into a separation agreement. Even down to dates that visitation takes place and what costs, if any, are split between the parents.
Filing for absolute divorce is separate from all these other issues and can be filed after one year one day separation.
It sounds as though you are helping him out with a lot of this as I did my husband while he went through his divorce. I met him a couple months into his separation but I learned alot about it during the year. Read as much as you can on this site to see what types of issues can come up down the road with custody and child support. This way you can suggest he include it in the agreement to save yourselves some confusion and possibly aggrivation down the road.
Example 1: My husband’s ex was supposed to purchase clothes twice a year for the children and then he would reimburse her for 1/2 or up to $250 per child. This did NOT go well the first time it happened. Instead of buying the children what they needed, she made sure that she spend $1000 so that he would have to give her $500. Then she wouldn’t send any of the clothes to us because it didn’t state in the agreement that she was to divide the clothes between the two houses. Since, we have come to the agreement that she buys clothes that stay at her house and we buy clothes that stay at our house.
Example 2: Since he pays her child support, a little over what the guidelines say to, she is expected to cover school lunches, supplies, and afterschool care. We actually split these now also since things weren’t getting bought. She told the boys that she didn’t have the money and they asked us. My husband also splits the child care cost for the summer when the bill is higher.
This may be a different situation with your boyfriend since he has primary custody. We share custody 50/50 with equal time.
Good Luck!
To save money, time and a messy divorce he needs to sit down with ex and discuss everything like child support, visitation, property and anything that has to do with their marriage, write it up as an agreement between both of them have it noterized. Its very important that you don’t interfer because it will make matters worse(trust me I know). Step back and let him handle his business in a good way(but be supportive from a distance) He needs to have a good communication line between himself and the mother of the children because if shes a part of the kids life she will be there forever and its up to the both of you on if its going to be pleasant or misserable. Avoid attorney if you can, If you can think back on all the people who had attorneys involve with Custody and Divorces its more than likley messy but the people that can sit and communicate with sense everything is fine, believe it or not no matter what way you do it the results are somewhat the same but the difference is no attorney good communication, a couple of hundred dollars and everybodys content, or Have a attorney, you hate each other, kids are confuse and you spend thousands of dollars.
If they can work out an Agreement between the two of them, they are free to agree to anything they wish. If he does not want child support from her he does not have to seek it. Costs can vary depending on the complexity of the issues and the property involved. It is always less expensive to do settle matters out of court and I commend you for trying to do so.
Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Voice: 704.307.4600
Main Fax: 704.943.0044
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
My boyfriend has been separated from his wife for an year and they have 2 children that are in his care. He is ready to start divorce proceedings but cost may be an issue. Of course he wants to maintain custody of the children with visitation rights to the mother and he anticipates on moving out of North Carolina in about a year or so after the divorce is finalized. I suggested that he get an attorney and I will help with the cost but we need to have an estimate of what we should expect to pay for representation and his rights. Will child support be a requirement from the mother even if they work out an agreement among themselves.
t.l.evansray