Do i leave or stay?

I’m in a relationship where I have asked for a divorce. The response is , she will not leave, will not sign anything as far as separation agreement. I’ve had enough of my situation. I will go into details if necessary. Right now just need some guidance.
I’d like to seperate and divorce. I’d like to keep the house and for her to leave. We are a split family. I have one son of my own. She has two sons and a daughter. All kids are 17 and above. Her oldest son is in prison and his girlfriend, who is pregnant, is now living with us…blah blah blah. I did not adopt her children.

My information follows:

The only incurred debt is the house, in which I bought. She is on the deed since I bought it after we were married.
I will soon be retiring from 20 years of military service, retirement benefits to begin at age 65,I am 44.
She is currently unemployeed, again, for the third time in our relationship.
My current employment is of 13 years.

I’d like to keep my home if possible.
My main concern is suffering a financial loss, set back and foreclosure.
What are my options?

How long have you been married? There are issues with that regarding your military retirement. It’s unfortunate that she will not sign a SA nor leave the house. If she will not voluntarily sign a SA, then your only option regarding property is to file for equitable distribution. The only way you can file for ED is to be physically separated, which will likely mean you will have to move out of the house. You can file for a Motion for Interim Distribution as a part of your ED asking that STBX pay the mortgage and keep the payments caught up. As part of the final ED you can seek that she refinance the home into her sole and separate name thereby removing you from the mortgage (or vice versa), or in the alternative, that the home be sold.

We have been married 4 years. Both have been to counseling several times. She is an extremely manipulative woman. She enjoys taking advantage of others and benefits. I have stopped contributing my 401k plan…just over 30k. I am in the air national guard …with 19 years of service. I can either choose to retire or continue my service. I’d like to continue my service without interruption and any hand outs to this woman. So, with the last reply I am considering moving out and paying rent, along with paying the mortgage until I can file for ED or an interim ED. I will not be able to do that for very long. I have considered foreclosure. If I put the house up for sale , I am most positive she will see to it that no one finds interest.

Please advise,

If you leave and seek interim distribution of the house to be listed for sale, and she impedes the sale in a direct way, you can have her charged with contempt since she would be defying a court order. You could try having the possession of the house given to you to be listed for sale, with her having to vacate, in your motion for interim distribution. You can explain to the judge that you are worried she will not cooperate with the realtor to sell the home.

Thank you for your response,

How soon after I move out can I file for an interim ED? Also, how long does it take to get action? It will be hard for me to up keep two households. Recently she has commented about going through my emails and text messages as well…isn’t this an invasion of privacy? There is no trust in the relationship…I keep hearing she is going to change…but now this comment! Worried

It will have to be calendared to go before a judge and how long that will take will vary, and will depend on the docket for your particular county. I would say that an average wait would be 30-60 days. You should contact the clerk’s office for more information for your county. You can file for interim ED as soon as you move out.

Thank you for your response.

I value the information given. It is a difficult decision to have to leave my home for which I have put a lot of my own money into. However, I feel it is the right thing to do for my own sanity. Recently, through and investigation, I found out my wife had taken a refund check of over $400.00, forged my name, signed it and used an out dated power of attorney that expired in May 2011. This has me dazzled. Should I seek counsel? I’d like to move my things out, but afraid of controversy. There seems to never be a time when she or someone is not here at the house making it difficult to just move out.

Thanks for all of your prompt responses…


Forging a check would be a criminal matter, so you would need to pursue that separately. You may need to leave the house without taking all of your furniture, etc., and have your things distributed to you later as a part of equitable distribution if you cannot get the time away from the other spouse to move out your possessions.