I had a 5 year relationship with someone else while married. I have the following email from my stbx a month after he found out. We stayed together for 3 months after he found out and we separated because I wanted to end things due to emotional abuse. He still did not want to separate. Note that at the time we were going through counseling and actually had sex twice while trying to work it out. He’s even asked to have sex with me several times during our separation period in the last 6 months and I would not. Does this help to prove that there should be no alimony to him (i was the supporting spouse)? Also does it help to prove any marital misconduct on his part around the abuse that would counter-act any alimony claim?
“…as soon as you admitted to it, I felt like I could begin to put this behind us. I know you don’t believe this either, but I do forgive you. I honestly forgive you. I forgive you becasue i know that if i had been half the husband you deserved and wanted none of this would have ever happened. I know in my heart that I drove you to it. And I understand why you did it. I really do. I don’t know what I can do to convince you of this. I guess it’ll just take some time for you to see that I truly do forgive you. I know you are scared that I’m just saying all these things becasuse that’s what you want to hear. It’s not. I’m saying these things because after all these years I want to change, I need to change. I thing that you are right, I had to hit rock bottom before I could see the light. I have seen the light and now realize that nothing in my life means more to me and is more important to me than you and the children. I’ve said it before, but it’s still true. I have never told you the things I’ve said the past few weeks or ever admitted to my hurtful ways. And i have never before started to something about changing my destructive and harmful ways…most of all I’m sorry for the night I pushed you down and locked you out of the bedroom and said all those horrible things…I see now that hte very things I love about you are the things that you no longer show mea nd that I need to stop trying to control you before we can start the healing process and you can share those things with me again. I love you for you. I do. I know you’ve put up a wall around you to keep me from hurting you anymore. YOu didn’t do anything to deserve this; none of this is your fault. You tried so hard and i wouldn’t listen and for that I will forever be sorry, but if you take a chance on me, on us, I promise that i will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you more than I ever have. No matter what happens, know that”