Wife admitted to having sex with someone 4 weeks ago. It’s complicated, but this is the same guy she had an affair with 15 years ago (in another state). During that affair, she became pregnant. We reconciled and I have raised the child as my own (my name is on the birth certificate) and the sperm donor has had no role whatsoever, nor does my daughter know any of this. A year ago, my wife and the sperm donor rekindled a relationship, only via text and Snapchat (as far as I know)…until a month ago when she took off to Tennessee to spend a weekend with him. Upon her return she told me that they had sex.
I intend to separate after we’ve done some mutually agreed upon counseling (both individual and joint) so we can sort out our issues. I can forgive her but I do not want to remain married to her. She will end up with half of my military pension…I understand that and frankly, I don’t hate her and want to do the right thing by her. Child custody and support will need to be worked out and that’s probably a separate topic for discussion given I’m the legal father but the sperm donor may decide to assert some sort of parental rights…not sure…
So my question right now has to do with alimony. I don’t believe I should have to provide any spousal support based on the damage she has done to our marital relationship. So how much time do I have for initiating separation before she can claim condonation?
I really don’t know how I’m going to make all this work financially. I want to keep the marital residence but losing half of my pension will put a strain on my finances.
There is no set period of time to determine when an affair becomes condoned - it is determined on a case-by-case basis.
With the information you provided, the fact that you learned of the act of illicit sexual behavior and immediately entered counseling to workout the issues and to eventually separate, this would likely show that you did not condone the affair. And as such, if you are the supporting spouse and your wife is the dependent spouse, she would not be entitled to alimony since she is the one that committed the act of illicit sexual behavior.
But if you did not act on the information that your wife committed an act of illicit sexual behavior for several months or more and continued to go about the normal and routine duties of being husband and wife (sharing in household obligations, sharing in payment of expenses, etc.) as if nothing had happened, then that might be considered condonation.
We offer two free Webinars, Divorce Legal and 50 Divorce Tips in 50 Minutes, that you may find very helpful as you begin the separation and divorce process. These webinars will give you lots of information about alimony, property division, custody, and child support, and they are presented multiple times a week.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
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Thank you Anna - this is very helpful. I’ll take a look at the webinars.