Doing the right thing?


#1

I agree that the situation your ex has been creating with grilling the children for information is not right and keeping them from you is not legally correct.
My stepsons tell my husband that they do not want to go to their mother’s but yet they tell their mother that they do not want to come visit us…They love both their parents and feel that each one wants to hear that they are the better parent and the children love them more. I’m not suggesting that your children do not want to stay with you, I’m only relating my situation and how I understand the things that children say.

I will tell you this from situations that I know…a lot of couples do not have “custody” papers. One parent leaves and the other essentially has custody because that’s who the children stay with. It’s by agreement between the parents regardless of whether or not that agreement is spoken.
If you had no custody order in effect and allowed your children to stay with your ex then essentially you gave custody over to him. If you take the children for a weekend and do not return them then I believe that you would be the onethat the courts will see as not following custody.
Getting a restraining order is going to make the situation worse if there is no history of domestic violence. It sounds as though he is a very forceful person but unless there is a history the restraining order may be questioned when your pending custody case comes before a judge. From what I understand and have read, a restraining order will not keep him away from the children, only from you. He would still have visitation rights, as you do now, unless those are taken away by the courts or given up by the parent. If there is a history of domestic violence and child abuse then you should file for emergency custody on those grounds. That would be the only way to keep him from the children.


#2

Please do not just go get them and not bring them back. Go to court and get a decent custody arrangement for at least 50% custody time-- he has no right to keep those kids from you, or to supervise your time with them, you are their mother. It really disturbs me to see parents who try to keep the kids from the other parent, kids need BOTH parents! Unless of course they are being abused or in danger of some sort, and then it is a different matter.


#3

You are not doing yourself any favors by allowing this custody schedule to continue. You are simply setting a precedent of allowing him to have control over the situation. If he is being difficult now, there is no reason to expect that the situation is going to be better if you let it continue for another six months. If you believe your children are being harmed you need to take action and at this point it appears as if your best option would be to file an action for child custody and allow a judge to put a court order for custody in place.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#4

I would love to go ahead and get the ball rolling for a custody case. Only one problem, I do not have the required fees for the ATTORNEY to get it in court. I will have to file in Elizabeth City, NC, and when I went to the courts to try to file something, they told me that I need an attorney before I can do anything. I cannot afford one so I feel like I am stuck. I know that the longer I wait to do anything, the less chance I have in court. It’s so frustrating!!! I have looked into Legal Aid and other options, but the Legal Aid off ice said it may take 6 months or more for them to do anything due to so many people applying. Now what!! I am at a total loss… almost at the end of my perpetual rope… [V]


#5

You do not need an attorney to go to court, you can file yourself. There may be some resources available to you as a pro se party in Elizabeth City and you should call the clerk of court to find out what resources are available. If you do not have the resources to hire an attorney, see if you can get enough money for a one time consultation with an attorney, that may help you find out where to get started.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.787.6361 main fax

Charlotte Office
301 McCullough Drive
Suite 510
Charlotte, NC 28262
Main Phone: (704)307.4600
Main Fax: (704) 9343.0044

Durham & Chapel Hill Office
1829 East Franklin Street
Building 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
(919) 321.0780

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.


#6

My ex has been keeping the kids from me and only allowing me to see them on the weekends under his supervision. (there is NO custody order in effect no is there a pending case involving custody) This is the first weekend that I will be allowed to go off with them by my self. Every time I see the kids they beg me to take them home with me, and say that he drills them about the conversations we have when he isn’t around and tells them that he knows that we have “secrets” that the kids and I keep from him. My children are 8 and 7 and the youngest is 2. I feel that he is harming them emotionally and mentally by doing this to them. I want to get them out of this situation befor any further damage is done. I have posted before to explain why he has the kids (he took them from me after they were only suppose to be visiting him for a weekend). In an effort to reduce stress on the kids and allow them to finish the school year, I decided to let them live with him until the school year was over as to not disrupt any other aspects of their lives. So, with that said, I want to bet them and not bring them back. He will probably make harmful threats to me, so, I will have to request a restraining order also. Am I doing the right and lawful thing?