What is your current custody arrangement? Do you have a court order or agreement?
If you are concerned about your children’s wellbeing and there is substantial evidence that they are not getting the care they need or if there has been a lifestyle change that affects visitations you could certainly go to court for primary physical custody.
I noticed that you put on here that your are having to argue with them to follow your guidelines. This is something that all parents do because normally there are different rules at each parents home. You should sit them down and tell them that whatever rules they have at their mother’s do not apply to your home. When they are with you let them know what the rules are and do not argue about it. I know that this is a difficult time for them and you but do not be more concerned with them liking you than you are about caring for them and them doing what is right. Make them brush their teeth and take baths. Make them go to bed. They are in your home and they should follow your rules.
Is it possible that they are only telling you this to try to get out of doing it? Children can learn to play the parents against each other and manipulate the situation. The quickest way to stop this is to tell them that things are different and that they are to follow your rules. If their mother chooses not to have rules, that is her decision. After a while they will quit trying to convince you…
Please keep record of all this information. Keep receipts of everything you have paid for. Get a copy of attendence for those activities if you can. Contact the school and make sure they can contact you if there’s an attendence problem. My husband has to do this every year. The ex gives the school her numbers to contact and they end up not being able to reach her…And we’ve had the same “pool shower” argument at our house…
If you can gather enough information to show the court that the current situation is no longer in the best interest of the children, then you may have a chance of winning custody. Be prepared though that this could “boost” your ex into mother mode. I suggest gathering what information you can from the time since your divorce and consult with an attorney.