Financial irresponsibility


#1

What makes you think it is irresponsible for her to keep some money for herself? Have your regular household bills and payments like house & car payments been affected because she was keeping a large portion of money to spend on herself? Or are you more upset that she was spending money you did not know about, regardless of whether it affected your ability to maintain your household and whether it was a lot of money or a relatively small amount?
Either way, the only way for divorce in NC is uninterrupted separation for 1 year and 1 day.


#2

I believe there is more to this than you understand, Yes everything
gets paid, we both work full time and make a significant amount of
money, but all of my income (for 3 years) has been set aside to support her and her daughter (previous marriage) and our household and her family in South America, from the beginning of the relationship. If she needs money she takes it from the joint account, she buys things she needs from the joint account, she even sends money to her family from the joint account. ( I give her money every month to send home)
She would never allow for me to set aside several hundred dollars a month, behind her back and spend it as I please. And she has refused all attempts on my part to set up any kind of family or financial budget for the household.
Do not misunderstand me, I would not have a problem with her having money on her own, but it feels so dishonest to have all my money helping to support her and her family and our household and then find out she has been withholding a substantial part of her check for her own personal use. if we had discussed before hand an agreement for her to keep a portion of her money, and I a portion of mine, then this would not even be an issue.
I am aware of the “1 year” rule, I was asking if this could be used as a legal reason for separation.
In essence, she can do as she pleases and I feel taken advantage of and I can do nothing but sit and take this ?


#3
quote:
[i]Originally posted by ivyalmighty[/i] [br]What makes you think it is irresponsible for her to keep some money for herself? Have your regular household bills and payments like house & car payments been affected because she was keeping a large portion of money to spend on herself? Or are you more upset that she was spending money you did not know about, regardless of whether it affected your ability to maintain your household and whether it was a lot of money or a relatively small amount? Either way, the only way for divorce in NC is uninterrupted separation for 1 year and 1 day.

Do you consider it being Responsible to hide financial assets from your spouse ? do you consider it being Responsible to hide anything in a truly deceptive manner, from you family or spouse ?
Just wondering what your definition of “Marriage” is…
Separate but we are living together ? I might as well be single,
if my spouse can do as she pleases right ? What is the purpose of Marriage if you are just going to do what you want to do regardless of the consequences to your partner.
Maybe I have the concept of Marriage all wrong…
I don’t know…


#4

I think you are asking about this:

“What fault grounds can be used to file for divorce from bed and board?
The complainant seeking a divorce from bed and board must establish at least one of the six fault grounds enumerated in the statute: abandonment, malicious turning out of doors, cruel or barbarous treatment, indignities, excessive use of alcohol or drugs rendering the condition of the other spouse intolerable, or adultery. Further, the complainant must allege that he or she did not provoke the other spouse’s misconduct. The right to jury trial in an action for divorce from bed and board is governed by the statutory provision permitting a jury to make the factual findings on issues of fault.”

This is used to force one spouse from the marital home. Your situation is not one of the reason posted. In NC there is no such thing as “legal separation”. You are separated the day that you begin living separate and apart from your spouse with the intention of divorce. After the one year one day time frame you can file for divorce. NC is a no fault state.
On a more personal note…something to think about…the more I read on this forum of a spouse leaving, or kicking the other out, taking all the money and bank accounts along with the house, furniture and kids…I can’t blame ANYONE for protecting their own future or putting aside a “nest egg” of their own. I’m not saying that it’s right not to let your spouse know but lets be realistic about this. If you wife had told you, “Honey, I’m putting several hundred $'s in the bank every month just in case something happens to us”…what would your reaction be? Maybe she was being as you say “deceptive” but there are a lot of people on this forum that would say that she’s only doing what they wished they had done…
I don’t personally keep anything from my husband but I know that if I wanted to put aside money for that very reason, with him being divorced once already, he would understand. I’m just don’t agree that this is a reason to divorce someone…or maybe I don’t have a clear understanding of “Until death do us part”.


#5

I can only speak from the experiences in my life, and the experiences of my friends and family.
I know that I have been in a relationship where money was controlled by my spouse to the point of my loose change (dollar bills, quarters, times) being taken from my purse every night when I got home. I know this made me feel like I wanted to hide money so that I could enjoy a small bit of freedom and buy a gatorade or a pair of socks without being yelled at.

You say that she is from South America… it may be possible that she comes from a background where she was raised so that she was not “allowed” to express her wishes and buy “wants” instead of only the “needs” for herself. It could be that she is used to living with having to hide her desires and whether you would react in anger or not, she is simply conditioned to having to sneak around to satisfy her wishes. It makes you view her in a new light, but if I were you I would try to view this with compassion: What makes her feel the need to hide things from you? She must feel very unsafe and uncertain about something (and I am NOT in ANY WAY implying that it is YOU who she feels afraid of) that has happened to her before in life, and this is her way of trying to avoid the same situation. Could it be that her previous marriage caused her to be distrustful of getting her financial needs met? Her childhood?
Just remember to have compassion. I am funny too, after the physical and psychological abuse I endured in my first marriage. I feel very guilty spending any money on myself, even for things like shampoo and especially for things like a good pair of $50 shoes. It is not my new husband’s fault, it is simply the baggage I’m left with from going without food, heat, and companionship in the past.


#6

I am not certain from your question if you are asking if you would be granted a divorce based on these circumstances, or if you can initiate one based on these issues.

You do not needs fault for a divorce in North Carolina. The only grounds for divorce is separation for a year and a day. If you wish to get divorced you will need to begin a separation. Please let me know if this does not answer your question.

Helena M. Nevicosi
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#7

Is there any grounds for Separation / Divorce for
financial Irresponsibility in a marriage.
I just discovered that my wife has had a separate account for over a year that she has been keeping with a portion of her paycheck, to do as she wishes without my knowledge. and I believe that she has been intentionally deceptive in this regard, to prevent my knowledge of these funds and the account. such deception being “shredding documents” and “shredding banking statements” and “hiding her pay statement” to prevent me from finding out what she is doing.
What can I do if I want out, because obviously now I do not trust her
in this relationship
Thank you.