Marrying For Money


#1

I am in almost the same situation, but not divorced. We keep separate checking accounts and my wife has most of the money but lied to me about how we were going to pay for her last car. I got stuck with the payments while the money in our CD stayed put until recently she took it out without my knowledge and is spending it friviously. I am near backruptcy and she refuses to talk about this debt and tells me to sell my old car that I have had for almost 20 years and had long before we got married. She has lied many time about money to me and now I really watch my back when it comes to money with her.
She really seemed to love me to start with and then after the kids came along she seems to not care at all. Not even helping me to the hospital for emergency surgery. I had to walk down the street and get a neighbor to take me to Duke.
I don’t want a divorce so I learned to deal with it and really watch my money. I have worked with a banker friend of ours and found a way that I can make my payments without filing bankruptcy. But she better be happy with her car because I will not buy her another one!

Love is a thing of the past! It is all about the money now and what a man can do for a woman. Just look at the divorce cases that seem so lopsided in favor of the women. They usually get the kids, house, car and you still have to pay for all of that and your own place.

It really sucks, but that is life or should I say marriage.

Trying to get prepared


#2

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My heart goes out to you friend. It sounds like your life is a living hell. I’m no lawyer, but my advise would be to keep everything you can separate from your wife. No joint accounts, no joint titles, no joint loans. As for your old car, it may be the one thing you could keep in a divorce, so hang tough.

I don’t know about your situation, but someone told me they had read a study which indicated that nice guys can’t get along in certain relationships. It seems crazy, but some women seem to lose respect for their husband when he starts taking over the majority of the work in a relationship. Instead of seeing their husband as helping them with what should be their responsibilities, they view their husbands as weak, and spineless. At lot of the time, the only way I could get the respect of my wife was to be downright demeaning. But that isn’t my nature, so I kept backsliding. Your wife may be trying to see just how far she can push you, so you may have to push back a little.

I hope that you can find happiness, be it in or out of the marriage.


#3

There has been times when she pushes real hard. She threatened to kick me out because I wasn’t working fast enough to find us a new house.

The last time she did this I really stood up to her and she backed down. One of our neighbors dogs had killed her kitten that she wanted to keep. Well I am really allergic to cats and didn’t want her to have one at all, especially in the house. When she said she was going to get another car I told her that she wasn’t. She then told me that she was and I need to pack my bags. I then got a very demanding tone of voice and told her she wasn’t. She said what are you going to do if I get one. I told her that I would get rid of it and I meant it.

It is very silly to kick your husband out over a cat when I am allergic to them. I figured she was just trying to see how far whe could push me.

I am gathering info. now to help me avoid a divorce and to be able to have something left if it does happen.

Trying to get prepared


#4

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GS:

It seem obvious to me that you do need to toughen up. Being tough doesn’t mean any physical means, or even much cussing. Once my wife said she was going to clean the house (she refusing my offer to do this together), and she spent the day talking on the phone. Next morning I noticed hardly anything had been touched, so I told her “You haven’t even vacuumed the damn floors!” In the threatened lawsuit against me this amounted to “Has consistently verbally abused the Plantiff and has called the Plantiff profane and obscene names.”

You are right in collecting records, keeping a diary or whatever in case you need it to prove your case. Try to hold a little money back (I realize this will be hard) for a legal war chest. Legal fees mount up very fast. Hang it there. You may turn this thing around.


#5

Sad, sad state of affairs all of this. I would suggest if you have put input into this discussion, that you try to refrain from carrying your bitterness into any new relationships, and refrain from demonizing women. Also, avoid the “my sad story” scenario in any new relationships you embark on. Choose carefully, carefully, and try to find as many forums as you can to assess the heart and intent of the women you are dealing with. Best of luck to both!

Mialmasoul La Morena


#6

So sorry to hear about your story. I do feel the men in this forum are somewhat biased and bitter. I have a different situation where I will be the one paying him off because he was unable to work on keeping his marriage vows. I hope you can find a nicer woman in your future - not all women are vicious and uncaring. I have found lately that successful women end up getting the short end of the stick. Happy holidays - good luck to you.


#7
quote:
Originally posted by Twiceloser
How can anyone marry someone mainly for their money? My first wife was a on/off childhood sweetheart who I was madly in love with. I left for college, starting dating others, when all of sudden she was madly in love with me. She tricked me into marrying her, which I didn't mind because I still loved her. Then many years and two children later, I discover that she was, and probably had been unfaithful for some time. During our parting, she tells me that she never loved me, but married me on the advice of her mother. Her mother told her that I was a nice guy, most likely would be very successful, and she probably would never have to work. This turned out to be true. As you can imagine, I was totally crushed. Having the two children was all that prevented me from going totally nuts. I was able to recover enough to start dating again in less than six months, even though at first I was scared to death.

Several years later, after dating several very nice, and maybe a couple of not-so-nice women, I found a fantastic woman with whom I shared several common interest. I was successful in business, and she had a well paying job, so money didn’t seem to be any problem. After a few months, she suggested we get married, and I could retire with us living on her income. I did asked her to marry me, but of course wouldn’t hear of living off of her income, so drew up a Prenuptial Agreement saying we would share the everyday expenses, I would cover all the expenses of the home (mine and paid for), and if we parted each would keep their own possessions. Warning Sign - She had no objection to retaining our possessions, but did have some objection to sharing expenses. Another warning sign was that she lingered for several minutes while reading the financial statement which was part of the Prenuptial Agreement.

Getting her to pay even part of her share was like pulling eye teeth, but as long as she contributed something I tried to keep the peace. She worked all the time, which left me with half of the housework and all of the cooking, which I didn’t mind because I was helping her get ahead.

A few months ago she purchased a home behind my back, which she later told me was an investment. I discovered later that she was furnishing her new home a piece at the time from our home. When I tried to put a stop to her underhanded dealings, she moved out. I don’t have a clue as to why she pulled this stunt. She tried to make up, if I would move into her home. I have a home which is paid for. Now, dispite having said hundreds of times that she didn’t marry me for my money, she hired a lawyer in an attempt to get it. I’ve probably spend $3,000 so far defending myself, and spend much of my time digging up old financial data her lawyer demands. Worse than that, even after months I have no interest in meeting someone new. It’s like being snakebite twice, so I fear going outdoors anymore.

It seems evident to me, that twice I committed my heart and soul to women who only wanted money. To me that’s almost like being a prostitute. I’ve never wanted anything that wasn’t mine. Can someone help me understand where I went wrong? I love being married, and don’t cherish the thought of living my last years alone, but the thought of this happening a third time scares me to death.


I’m so sorry you experienced this heartache twice. But if it helps, women get hurt too. I’ve spent the past year communicating with a NC man while I’m here in TX. He’s “disappeared” now after talking about marrying me and children and countless other heartfelt things. I feel so hurt, discarded and betrayed. Some women are golddiggers and I hate that because I all I want is to love and care for a husband and create a family. I hope all the best for you and again, sorry you got hurt.


#8

WorriedinTX, you are SO right. Women get hurt just like this every day. Money is SO important to my ex that you wouldn’t believe it! He’s with an out of state girlfriend now who has money and she’s dropping big bucks on him on a daily basis. I feel sorry for her spending all her money on a man that is 7 hours away, but it’s her choice. At some point she will realize what he is all about and hopefully come to her senses. Twiceloser, I’m sorry for what you are going through and what you have gone through with these women. I hope things work out for you and you find a decent woman to share your life with.


#9

Oh my!! You get what you deserve!! Leave married men alone! And to all you married men who are with another woman, if you are so unhappy get a divorce FIRST! Why put your wife and children through the heartache of an affair? If you are a wife and have been cheated on…YOU deserve better! He’ll continue to do it if you continue to take his sorry butt back!

“You dont know what you have until its GONE!!!”

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I’m so sorry you experienced this heartache twice. But if it helps, women get hurt too. I’ve spent the past year communicating with a NC man while I’m here in TX. He’s “disappeared” now after talking about marrying me and children and countless other heartfelt things. I feel so hurt, discarded and betrayed. Some women are golddiggers and I hate that because I all I want is to love and care for a husband and create a family. I hope all the best for you and again, sorry you got hurt.
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#10

Momof2lo, I LOVED your post! Yes, you get what you deserve when you mess with a married man! It is NO fun to be cheated on and you never ever get over it even if you agree to let him back in. It’s ALWAYS in the back of your mind and I do mean ALWAYS. You can forgive, but your heart will not let you forget. What kills me is this woman that is 7 hours away from my ex knows full well that he’s STILL legally married to me, but does that stop her from “jetting” into town and spending days on end with my ex? Does it stop either one of them from parading in front of me at my daughter’s basketball games? Nope…sure doesn’t…sad I tell ya.


#11
How can anyone marry someone mainly for their money? My first wife was a on/off childhood sweetheart who I was madly in love with. I left for college, starting dating others, when all of sudden she was madly in love with me. She tricked me into marrying her, which I didn't mind because I still loved her. Then many years and two children later, I discover that she was, and probably had been unfaithful for some time. During our parting, she tells me that she never loved me, but married me on the advice of her mother. Her mother told her that I was a nice guy, most likely would be very successful, and she probably would never have to work. This turned out to be true. As you can imagine, I was totally crushed. Having the two children was all that prevented me from going totally nuts. I was able to recover enough to start dating again in less than six months, even though at first I was scared to death.

Several years later, after dating several very nice, and maybe a couple of not-so-nice women, I found a fantastic woman with whom I shared several common interest. I was successful in business, and she had a well paying job, so money didn’t seem to be any problem. After a few months, she suggested we get married, and I could retire with us living on her income. I did asked her to marry me, but of course wouldn’t hear of living off of her income, so drew up a Prenuptial Agreement saying we would share the everyday expenses, I would cover all the expenses of the home (mine and paid for), and if we parted each would keep their own possessions. Warning Sign - She had no objection to retaining our possessions, but did have some objection to sharing expenses. Another warning sign was that she lingered for several minutes while reading the financial statement which was part of the Prenuptial Agreement.

Getting her to pay even part of her share was like pulling eye teeth, but as long as she contributed something I tried to keep the peace. She worked all the time, which left me with half of the housework and all of the cooking, which I didn’t mind because I was helping her get ahead.

A few months ago she purchased a home behind my back, which she later told me was an investment. I discovered later that she was furnishing her new home a piece at the time from our home. When I tried to put a stop to her underhanded dealings, she moved out. I don’t have a clue as to why she pulled this stunt. She tried to make up, if I would move into her home. I have a home which is paid for. Now, dispite having said hundreds of times that she didn’t marry me for my money, she hired a lawyer in an attempt to get it. I’ve probably spend $3,000 so far defending myself, and spend much of my time digging up old financial data her lawyer demands. Worse than that, even after months I have no interest in meeting someone new. It’s like being snakebite twice, so I fear going outdoors anymore.

It seems evident to me, that twice I committed my heart and soul to women who only wanted money. To me that’s almost like being a prostitute. I’ve never wanted anything that wasn’t mine. Can someone help me understand where I went wrong? I love being married, and don’t cherish the thought of living my last years alone, but the thought of this happening a third time scares me to death.