First right of refusal

I have had primary custody (temporary) for the last 4 1/2 yrs. We have been divorced for 3 1/2 of these years. We are finally finishing up the ED and child custody issues. My ex has asked for first right. I find this to be very intrusive to our lives and it is a last ditch effort for him to control my life and keep tabs on me. I have asked him numerous times if he would like to watch the kids while I was working, needing childcare, etc. He rarely will do this. My question is this. How often is this granted? Are there stipulations to this? I can understand it if I am out all night and do not come home until morning. I don’t find this reasonable for ever time I run to the store or run errands or something of the sort. Quite often my father is over visiting us and I may run an errand while he watches the kids (10yrs old). They do not always want to get dressed and come with me. My ex also lives 25 min away and has had his lisence revoked for various reasons. We do not have a cooperative coparenting situation as it is. He refuses to help take the children to tutoring, activities, etc. Like I stated, I feel this is a way for him to keep control over me. He has accused me of “never being home with the children”, which is absolutely untrue and his sister lives behind my home and keeps an eye on when my lights are on and who is over. She will drive by to see if my car is here and then report to him. I feel as though I am spied on constantly. My ex will quiz the children when he calls and ask "is mommy home?’ Where is she? Who is there? I find this to be a very intrusive request. If my kids want to stay the night with their grandparent, I feel they should be allowed to. My mom lives in a different state and comes to see them for a month or two at a time. I don’t see why it is an issue if they stay with them while I am out. There is far too muc room for abuse if he indeed is awarded this right. Can you give any advice to me?

The judge isn’t likely to order you to call him every time you go to the store to ask if he would like to watch the kids.

How does it work if they want to spend the night with a grandparent. Do I have to let my ex
watch them instead of enjoying time with a grandparent? My mom visits from out of state
and enjoys having them overnight when she comes down.

Usually Right of First Refusal has a time limit associated with it. For example: You must offer Right of First Refusal if you are unable to care for the minor children for longer than 8 hours.

It’s not about him getting first right if you go to check the mailbox. It’s meant for extended periods of time (usually hours, but I’ve seen some cases where overnights are allowed). Your parents do not make Right of First Refusal exempt. They are still 3rd party entities and for the purposes of the law – babysitters.

Right of First Refusal is a very common clause to include in custody issues.

How does this work if they want to spend the night at their grandparents home? My mom comes down from Mi and loves to have them stay the night with her on occasion. She lives in my dad’s home while he is gone. They also like to stay the night with their grandpa on occasion. This will take away from their usual activies and quality time.