Getting back together/What to do?


#1

I meant to ask…if things for some reason do not work out this time would the court order in regards to child support and child custody remain the same? I have full custody and he has supervised visitation.


#2

I think you could postpone the hearing. Have your attorney file for an extension due to possible reconciliation. Hopefully an attorney will respond because I am not sure what the situation would be for the custody but if you reconcile, I think the child support would terminate…I’m not sure. As far as your attorney, she works for you so she will ultimately do what you want to do, but she can also drop you as a client if she can not represent you due to not agreeing with your decision.
I don’t know anything about DVPO’s so hopefully someone else will respond to that.
My personal opinion is that if you are entertaining the possibility that things are not going to work out this time, you shouldn’t stop the proceedings completely until you know. I understand the need to do what is best for your family and I would not ever suggest that someone leave their spouse or suggest that they stay, but what you should realize is that reconciling with someone who has a history of abuse may have consequences that you do not see. The courts may have an issue with this as far as custody goes since he is only allowed supervised visitations on your current court order and your reconciliation could mean that you are allowing him full access to the child. That may put the child in danger in the courts eyes. Also, the year and day separation would start over if you do reconcile, but that is a small thing to the rest of it.
Good luck and keep us posted.


#3

Thanks Stepmother. I do not know what to do. I want our marriage to work so bad. I guess it is I have gotten to the place that I do not trust my own decisions. I worry about what the courts would think if we do try to work it out and then something else happens. My husband would never harm our son.(of course anyone is capable of anything under the right circumstances). It was me that he was verbally abusive to and I left for myself but certainly because I did not want my child to grow up around that junk.

I am not worried about child support for now. If it does terminate than I would be able to make it on my own until it went back to court. It is so hard to decide what to do. I try to give people a second chance and I want my son to grow up with his parents together, but of course in a loving home.

I am certain my attorney would withdraw herself from the case and me as well.

I have already gone against exactly what I asked the courts to help me with. Meaning talking and being around my husband. My son has not been by himself with him. He had supervised visitation due to the fact our son was only 3 months old when all of this started and my husband has a past record of spousal abuse.

I do not want to screw myself and something happen again and then no one wants to help me because they do not believe me.

I just want my family back together and do not know what to do to get it there and make sure it stays together. Of course I know that is the ideal.

I understand what you are saying about not dropping things all together, but how do I know it will work??? I feel it will, but feeling and knowing are very different.

I know I have to make the final decision…but I like having some advice from you and others…you have been on the forum for a while now.

Thanks


#4

I was in your shoes in August. I had full custody, my own place, etc. My husband wanted to call everything off and for us to reconcile. I wanted to do what I felt right for our family, so the kids and I moved back in. 6wks later, I am kicked out, a dvpo is taken out on me for “threatening” him (what a joke), and he now has the kids, the car, everything that I originally had. I have a court date later this month to try to get custody back, but I should have known better than to just jump back into the situation. (oh, by the way, did I mention, he is now engaged??? to someone he had just meant when he booted me out.)

You can keep your court dates, think twice about just cancelling them, you can still try to work things out. What you can do at your court date is offer an agreement, instead of trying to get him w/ this order, ask if he will accept a mutual no-contact order that will keep you having the kids and put some provisions in there, like counseling for you both. But think twice about just giving up what upper hand that u have now, it could very well back fire especially if you have second doubts.


#5

thanks for the advice. I have thought all of those dame things and I think I will wait.

He was engaged to another woman…moved her and her two kids in and then after about a month…said he missed and loved his wife and son and had made a terrible mistake. They had been seeing each other while we were married. That is where the abuse stemmed from.

The woman moved out and now he has had someone go in and re-do the home…even purchased another home so if I did not want to come back to our old house…since she lived there we could stay in the new house.

But you know people do not change over night. I am scared that he will do exactly what your STBX has done. So I guess what I should do is stay exactly where I am now and not consider going back.

If he truly wants us back…he can stay in the house and I stay where I am at and we go from there. I will not allow him to take our 16 month old son by himself…I hate divided families, but I would hate even more to be screwed again.

I really appreciate you guys responding to me. I will keep you all posted,

I would really appreciate a response from an attorney as well.


#6

if I was to get back w/ him my legal ? is would the court order of child custody terminate if I have to leave him again?

Right now I have full custody. My husband is a convicted felon…registered sex offender/not anything to do with children.

He may never receive any type of custody.


#7

Sounds like from your username…you have been abused…correct me if I am wrong…ABUSED BY THE MAN YOU ARE CONSIDERING RECONCILING WITH??? What makes you think he has changed??? He apparently has a HISTORY of abusiveness not just with you but other(s) as well…If he is an ex felon chances are the zebra has not and IS not gonna be able to change his stripes. MY VOTE…Keep your court date…GET THE COUNSELING who knows maybe the counselor CAN change the zebra’s stripes…I hope so for the sake of your family and you…DO NOT PUT YOU OR YOUR CHILD(REN) at RISK…No marriage is worth that…I KNOW>>>> My stbx is also an ex felon who had charges of a.w.a.d.w.w.i.t.k.i.s.i I thought my zebra had changed his stripes… NOT!!! one assault on me was all it took…plus another woman that he has conned into thinking that he is MR. WONDERFUL!!! THANK GOD AND GREYHOUND HE’S GONE!!! If you would like to chat more privately…please send me an email…I am probably not the best person for advice…but I have been there done that and GOT THE TSHIRT!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that God will give you the strength and guidance that you need to make the BEST decision for YOU and YOUR CHILD(ren).
Duke Gal


#8

Thanks DUKE GAL. You are right. I think that is exactly what he has almost done again…Made me think he had changed. The devil hates marriage and will do anything to destroy it. It is a wolf in sheeps clothing. I am going to keep the court date and go thru with everything.

If he really wants things to work he can seel counseling and we can go from there.

Now my concern is that I have gone against the DVPO by talking to him and beeing seen with him. He can be so convincing and he works on my emotions.

I guess I will just have to suck it up and explain to my attorney what I have done and go from there.

I could give another chance and risk losing everything this time. I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. I will emai you so we can talk.


#9

Dear abused2long:

Greetings. You can simply file a Voluntary Dismissal form, but you want to ensure that you are dismissing the case without prejudice. You can find the form on www.nccourts.org - but you need to have your attorney do it as they are currently the counsel of record. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax

ROSEN.COM

The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.


#10

Well I thought I would let you guys know what happened. I went with the advice I received from some of you and my own feelings…I got the divorce and my now ex signed a consent order. He gave up one day with our son and did not fight me on anything…I think he was to broke to do so and really just did not care. It was all a trick to get me to drop everything and look like an idiot.

So I am far better off…and so is our son. So to anyone who is thinking about reconciling w/ someone…you better think long and hard before you just jump right back in. My ex is already back with the other woman…and you know what I do not even care…she can have him and all of his problems. I have a son who I would not trade for anything and peace of mind.

Hope this advice and example will help someone else. Good luck to all of you.

abused no more:)


#11

I have a court date on 2/21 for my divorce, child custody and a DVPO I took out on my husband on 12/24/05. All of the matters are going to be heard on 2/21. What if my husband and I want to seek counseling and try to put our marriage back together? What steps do I take to dismiss the DVPO, the motion to modify custody and the divorce?

I have an attorney, but I now the hell she will give me for even thinking about doing any of this. I left my husband a year ago and things have changed for the better. I have to do what I feel is right for my family.

Any advice???

Thanks