Health Insurance, House, etc Questions

Hi, I have a few questions…

My wife and I are in the process of separating. We have 1 child between us. I have 2 from a previous marriage. We have never had any joint accounts or anything tying us together except for our son and a house. We have agreed to 50/50 custody (literally) she works 3.5 days a week.I have my son when she works, she has him when she is off. We split all agreed upon costs as far as he goes. I cover his Health Insurance as she has none. Child support is minimal because of custody arrangement and income balance (Roughly…Me: 56.5% Her: 43.5%). She cheated and I am trying to make this as easy and painless as possible, both for me and everyone else that is effected by our life.

Summary is this:

  1. I purchased a house in NC in 2006, PRIOR to getting married in 2008. I used my own money (proceeds from a previous home sale) as a down payment.
    I added her to the deed under pressure from her and her parents it might have been before we got married? I am not sure… The mortgage has ALWAYS been under only me. I paid roughly $275,000.00 in 06. It is now valued at approx. $250,000.00. In our agreement, we agreed that I can stay in the house as long as I want free of any encumbrances from her. Also agreed that, if I am to sell the house I am entitled to my original deposit back and we split any remainder. As it sits now, I will NOT get back my entire deposit. Does this mean she gets nothing if I sell the house? I am still in the house and she has moved out. More so…ASKED to leave… Does me adding her to the deed have ANY effect on this situation?

  2. IS there ANY LAW in North Carolina that requires me to keep her on my health insurance for any length of time?? Or can I drop her today if need be? I was told today there is a law that states I have to keep her on during our separation for 1 year.

  3. With regards to child support. We both worked it out on Worksheet B on the DHHS website and printed it out, and attached a copy to our separation agreement. Will that stand?

  4. Can we make our separation agreement our divorce papers when the time comes if we still agree or is there more to it?

Thanks, sorry for all the questions, just want to make sure we are getting this right.

Per your agreement, yes it means she will get nothing, you may agree to whatever type of division you wish in a separation agreement, and she can release all of her interest in the home to you at any time after you physically separate via quitclaim deed.
There is a law called the doctrine of necessaries, in which you as your wife’s spouse could be held liable for any necessary costs your wife incurs (uninsured medical expenses) for so long as you are married. Further, most plans will not allow you to remove your spouse from coverage unless and until you are divorced, or you can prove she has procured coverage elsewhere.

So long as you both agree on the amount of support, any amount is fine, and no 3rd party will intervene to change it.

You must file for divorce after you have been separated for more than a year (one year and one day). The process is entirely separate from executing an Agreement.

Thanks Erin.

I would never begrudge her any money if I do decide to sell the house. I am actually going to amend the agreement today to say that if I can not recover my initial deposit we will split ay overages after paying off the mortgage 75% to me 25% to her.She put minimal money into it so it’s only right that I give her something. I am just not that kind of person.

Thank you for clarifying the Doctrine of Neccessaries. Again, I would never do that. I will keep her on as long as we keep getting along. Even for years it doesn’t cost me anymore money. It can be a sort of keep your ass in line kind of tool. Not a threat. But it is nice to know I have some sort of fallback for myself.

Thanks for the support info.

Thanks for the divorce info.

Two more questions, am I correct in stating that her affair bars her from receiving alimony? Not that she would want it or need it.

Also, could you generally explain the uncontested divorce process to me start to finish as briefly as possible so not to take up too much of your time… Paperwork , time frame etc…

I TRULY appreciate your help.

Yes, an affair, if proven, is a bar to alimony so long as the supporting spouse did not also have an affair.

The absolute divorce process involves filing a Complaint, Summons, and Domestic Cover Sheet, serving the Defendant, setting a hearing, and preparing a judgment for the judge to sign at the hearing. The process usually takes about 60-90 days. Some counties have DIY clinics which provide detailed instructions and all the forms, we also have all the forms and detailed instructions on our DIY site which you can subscribe to when you are ready to file.
Once you are divorced you can no longer carry your soon to be ex on your health insurance unless it is through COBRA.
I wish you all the best.


Keep a couple of things in mind when drafting a sep agreement:

1.) A sep agreement is a private contract for all practical purposes. Don’t put any temporary arrangements in there if you plan on or foresee the possibility that you may choose to remove them in the future. If she decides that she still wants those provisions in effect, it’ll be nearly impossible to remove them with or without the courts. Courts will rarely turn over a signed sep agreement or even a single provision of one. It is assumed that whatever you agreed to is still a valid circumstance now.

2.) Don’t put anything in that you cannot uphold under reduced circumstances in the future. For example, if you agree to assume children’s college costs, and you end up unemployed for a length of time or are in an accident and on disability, you will still be held liable for those costs. It’s better to have that kind of thing at your discretion, plus when the child becomes an adult, he, in effect, will end up being a 3rd party to that contract (SA). If you do decide to put such a clause in your agreement, qualify it, by specifying what costs it would cover (i.e. are you willing to pay for a full ride to Harvard? or can you only afford a state university?? Can you afford to cover the child through a PhD or will a baccalaureate suffice?..etc.). Spell things out as much as possible. It’ll save you trouble in the long run. The only sure thing in this world is that circumstances change. The more you can find ways to allow for that in your sep agreement, the less likely there is to be long-term conflict.

3.) Decision-making and bills. We currently have a situation where our sep agreement says that all other costs of raising the kids will be paid based upon the percentage difference in income between the two parents. Therefore, if the husband makes 75% and the wife makes 25%, then payments for the son’s soccer team are 75% his responsibility, 25% hers. What has arisen is she wildly goes and signs all the kids up for various activities, trips out of town, applies to private schools that they don’t stand a chance of getting into based upon their GPAs, and buys toys and such literally every week for them, then tells him the amount that he must pay and expects him to pay it, even though up until recently they shared 50/50 custody of the kids. Make sure you retain decision-making ability, so that you’re not on the hook to pay for stuff that is either unnecessary or goes against your ethics for raising a child (semi-violent activities, etc).

We’re currently in a $350+ hole every month because even though he makes a fair amount of money and despite the income ratio being close to 50/50 (it was 75/25 his favor in the beginning), she manages to use the SA to fleece him down to where he hasn’t been able to buy clothing for himself in over 3 years, can’t pay his student loans, and has had to take out a loan to pay for car repairs that he must have for work.* We’re about to go to court to try to maintain shared custody because she is attempting to reduce his custody so that she can get more money. We never thought it would get to this point.

(*FWIW, he has no credit card debt, drives a compact car, and has $800/mth rent, no cable/internet at home, so it’s not like he’s spending a lot.)

Athos, Thanks for the heads up.

  1. Gotcha…

  2. Both parties agree to make NO PROVISIONS or AGREEMENTS for college. Is exactly how we worded it. Neither of us would want to be in hole if we can avoid it.

  3. EVERYTHING is 50/50, I have no problem with that. ANY changes in pre school, and or signing up for extra curricular activities MUST be agreed upon by BOTH parties in writing, and signed in the presence of a notary. Same goes for travel, etc. EVERYTHING must be GAREED upon and signed by both parties in front of a Notary.

Her income has only gone up in the past years, never down. She is in a service based industry and the longer she is there, the bigger her client base gets the more she makes.

Thanks for ALL The Info, Erin and Athos!!! This place is GREAT!!!