I want a divorce but my husband says he wants to work it out. I feel like we have been in the “working it out” phase of our marriage for years; however, the only one who made any changes was me. He continues to go to the bar, he spends most of his time after work either in front of the computer or in front of the tv. I have tried to stay together for our kids, but just can’t do it anymore. In the last 3 years, he has received 2 DUIs, which has cost us thousands of dollars and he refuses to stop drinking. He spends money like it grew on trees and everytime I try to talk to him about what we can and cannot afford, his response is the same “I make enough money, I should be able to do what I want.”
3 months ago, he typed up a “divorce agreement” and dated it, so my first question is, can I use this date as the date of separation? I will not agree to his terms, so I will not sign it, nor would I even if I did agree without an attorney.
In this “agreement” he offered child support at 50% of what the on-line calculators show. My response was that we will let the courts decide, I have no intention of arguing with him when we are so far off on our numbers. He also wants to sell the house, but I cannot afford to purchase a house in the area where we live on my income and if we sell the house, I will have to move and my children will have to change schools. We have moved every year from to further his career and income and finally they are going to the same school (except my son, who started high school this year) for the third year in a row. If we sell our house at the appraised value and then take into account realtor fees and closing costs, we may end up owing, so I am not trying to take anything from him, I just want my kids to stay where they are, where we finally feel comfortable enough to let them play outside. My second question is, can the instability that the kids have gone through be grounds to let me keep the house? And if so, can he be required to keep it in his name, even though I will be making the payments, or at least for a specified amount of time to allow me to be able to get a loan in my name?
With each move, he quit his job and took another one in a different state and simply told us that we were moving. With each move, he would insist that I take any job that came along as long as I got paid. We have made close to $100,000 for years, so this was not out of necessity, I think that it was more a matter of control. We have had so many arguments because I wanted a career and as soon as I started to get ahead, we would move again and I would have to start over again. The point is that I have put my earning potential on hold to stay together as a family and support him. Right now, he makes over 90,000 + bonus of 20% and I make $39K, will I be able to receive alimony even though I work? And if so, how is the amount determined in NC? I have used alimoney calculators on the internet to get a rough idea and if they are even close to being correct, my alimony would roughly equal the house payment, so this does give me encouragement that I can afford to stay where I am.
I am not worried about custody, he freely admits and has put into writing that I should have custody.
I have not yet filed for legal separation, but intend to do so within the next month.