How do I prove adultery?

My wife of 25 years informed me three weeks ago on my birthday that she has been unhappy for 15 of those years and the marriage is over. At that point she said we don’t have to get a divorce we can just go our separate ways. I am not agreeing to those terms. I am a military retiree and she was hoping she would be able to keep my medical benefits. This event coincides with her receiving her social security; she is 63, I’m 57. Also her live in boyfriend, which I discovered she had kicked out shortly before I met her, looked up her number 9 days after her death. This occurred approximately one week before her declaration our marriage is over. The last two weekends she has been going to his home. We wish to try to settle amicably using a mediator. But I am leaving for a week for a previously planned trip. I made the demand our house is neutral territory, we have a 15 year old adopted daughter. But yesterday she was asking what specific days I would be gone. I suspect that she is planning to have come to the house while I’m gone. I would like to have proof of adultery to insure I will not be screwed at the end of this. I was thinking of placing concealed cameras to catch them in the act, but state law appears to give them the expectation of privacy even in our house and even in my bed. If they have expectation of privacy to protect them how do I collect proof of intercourse which is required by law?

Other sources I have discovered on the web suggest proof of adultery is usually a moot point and has minimal effects on the divorce and the terms. Is this true? Thank you for your time.

Adultery only really makes a difference in an alimony claim. If the dependent spouse during the marriage has an extra marital affair, that can act as a complete bar to receiving alimony. On the flip side, if the supporting spouse has an affair it will obligate that spouse to pay alimony. It also may matter if you plan on suing the new boyfriend for alienation of affection.

Before you install cameras or other recorders consult with an attorney to discuss all the possible ramifications. Not only can this violate state/federal wiretapping laws it can also result in tort liability for invasion of privacy.

Thank you for your time and rapid response. We are not rich by any means. The marriage is not salvageable. I guess the best thing is to try to finish it easily as possible. God bless you and thank you again.