My wife is from Philippines. Married last July. Unable to afford her AOS yet, and no SSN because the SSA screwed up her name last year. She has some sort of mental issues, heavy jealousy towards ex wife and the kids (at times). I never understood why she has something against my 11 year old daughter, who is very sensitive.
Last night while the kids were over for a sleep over, my daughter (the two siblings are younger) was complaining about how we moved furniture around to try and make more room for them. Then the wife, who has been on calming meds for a few weeks to help her be less stressed about life, started yelling and insulting her. Then eventually to all the kids. My daughter was crying while being yelled at. Anytime the wife kind of calmed down, I tried to talk to her but wife kept yelling how much she hates us (not the first time she yells this). Kids getting scared (not the first time). I called their mother to come get them, away from their home which should be safe for them. Eventually, the wife grabbed my shirt and ripped it (not the first time) and tossed things around the room, yelling at the kids and me, etc. The kids were in the living room scared, tearing. I could not take them anyway. My car is dead. Even so, I come home to who knows what. So much more stuff and abuse from her (mainly verbally and cleaning up from her destroying things), no friends to call (who would want to take her in anyway) and I ended up calling the police on my wife. She actually told them that I attacked her first, and they ended up questioning my kids. I watched as she was arrested for domestic abuse. The cop said I did the right thing. I do not know. I could come up with 100 other possibilities. But anyway, she is in Wake County Detection right now until tomorrow night. I am thinking logically that we can not be with each other anymore. I can not expose to this any longer. I do not want her home, but I go no idea where she can go. She has no money to even leave the center tomorrow. And to where? Most friends are out and she would rather walk the streets with luggage than stay with someone. At this point, she either stays with someone to get some help to fix all this, or she goes back to her family in the Philippines. I love her, but she has torn this apart. I have tried to help her realize that life with kids can be fun. Life can be fun. But all other Filipinos she talks to make her feel guilty for marrying a man who has no money and kids, and all they do is talking about money and buying things and going to places. My wife, who I call the police on. We should have had coffee this morning together and eat with the kids, but they watched someone yell at them and hit their daddy. When the cop left, he said to take pictures of the scratches on my neck. I had no idea I had any. Just a ripped shirt.
I needed to protect my kids. This has to be a home for them. Been a very hard year since I married her. What kind of a person is going to yell at kids calling the girl a b****? These are kids. I have tried to get the wife to just enjoy life and enjoy kids. She always said she accepted the kids, yet, she always avoids them.
Her last words on the 3m call I got from her today is that she will never forgive me and I will pay. I love her and can not help how alone and scared and hateful she feels where she is right now.It is eating at me away.
They will let her out tomorrow. I do not know what to do. I got no car. Not a job I get paid time off for. Definitely no money for a lawyer. I do not know what to do or how to do it. I just do not want her here, destroying the place and harassing me. She will do all she can to “make sure me and the kids suffer.” She may go for the alimony bit, and I can barely afford rent.
I have wanted to help her to work (because working for so long and then coming to American not able to yet work was boring) and we tried after marriage, but SSA messed up and told us to wait, then they screwed us over. Then trying to save for AOS with rent increases, car repairs, etc proved hard since the fall. I know she been stressed, which is why she started taking some med for high blood pressure and to keep her calm, but she tossed all that down the sink last night.
I do not know what else to say.
You and your wife will need to separate if you no longer want her in the home and no longer believe the marriage can be repaired. If she refuses to find an alternate place to live, then you may have to file an action in court for divorce from bed and board, which would “force” a separation.
For a more information on this issue, check out our detailed article What is a Divorce From Bed and Board?
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
She has been living with friends since that night. I also have a 6 month protection order against her, to help discredit whatever she may do. She also has her trial June 1st.
I got a lot in my mind. I wish she would get help, but even if she does the kids never want to see her again. In court for the protection order, not only did she change her hair color (to rebel against me more), she disclaimed anything that happened that night. Even the wounds I got because had no proof they were taken that night and no (detailed) police report to match. She also had two “witnesses” who were not even there that night, speaking against me how they saw no scratches and I cried, but no tears. I spent 2 unpaid days and money to travel to get downtown those two days (her initial “want a state appointed defense attorney” bit) and then my protection order.
I tried to get a police report to help but it only has basic info. Not what they saw.
I am told I do not need a lawyer on June 1st being I am the victim (I can not even afford a burger. Nor do I have any support and gone to these things alone twice, while she had a whole posse with her). However, I do not know what to do if the public defender needs to speak to me. I do not want my wife in jail, but from what she posts on Facebook and Skype, and how she acted in the court room for 2h, she is clearly playing victim due to her not coping with step children and (my) ex. As a matter of fact, the first works out of her mouth to the judge about what happened the night she got arrested, she was bringing up something the ex did a year ago!!!
I do not want her in jail, but I am not paying for her AOS to stay in America as an ex-wife. That would even be called fraud. I am not wanting to pay for her green card, so she can stay and work and be with other men, knowing I paid for that. I think her only option is to tell VAWA that I am the one to have abused her, and they will fall victim to her lies and give her what she wants. She has no other way to work or earn money (not that any of our jobs these days pay well for adults).
Since she has changed dramatically already, changing her hair, playing victim, lying to the pastor that she has no revenge thoughts about me or speaking low of me, I do not think she will even get help for whatever it is that makes her so angry and jealous and verbally abusive towards me and the kids.
I have no money to hire any attorneys. Please do not suggest it. I need a pro bono one, just in case, but can not find one. Plus, I have a feeling I will need one for divorce. We can not be together. The kids do not feel safe.
One, I am praying she does not go to jail. I just want to see her go home to her family in the Philippines. I will spend the rest of my life worrying about her but I do not want to help her stay her. If she stays, she will fight for me to support her, and I barely have enough for my own kids in support and rent.
Also, I need to make sure I file for divorce in a year first, right? Under my terms, right (which I want to be clean and just done). If she files first, then I have to go to wherever she may stay if she does in the US (like Virginia if she goes with her former employers) and under her terms. I do not want this so now it is a race.
I never wanted to lose her, but I did because of how she treated us for almost a year. My daughter is so angry and two of my kids need to see a therapist.
What help can I get for June 1st, and a potential divorce, especially if she somehow finds a way to stay in this country?
If I do not go June 1st, what would happen to her? Am I pressing charges? If I drop them, will this still all be on her permanent American record (I hope so actually).
I never wanted this to happen, but I had to protect the kids and make them feel safe.
It sounds like the June 1st court date is for the criminal charge against your wife. You are likely needed as the victim. If the police arrested her, then you are not the one that is pressing charges against her unless you went separately to the magistrate’s office and asked to take out criminal charges against your wife. If you are not the complainant on the criminal warrant (i.e. because the police arrested and charged her), then you cannot decide to drop the charges against her.
Assuming the June 1st court date is a criminal court date and you do not go (and assuming you are the victim), then the district attorney (prosecutor), will likely not have enough evidence to convict your wife unless she pleads guilty on her own, and the charges would end up having to be dismissed. Even if charges are dismissed, they still show up on a person’s criminal record.
Nothing about the separation and divorce will be addressed at a criminal court date. You cannot file for absolute divorce until you have been separated for one year. At that time you can file in the county that you reside and have your wife served with the complaint. But at any time, now that you are separated, you can file for equitable distribution (property settlement), postseparation support, alimony, child custody and child support.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.
As far as the divorce goes, is it a race? Unless she goes back (or gets deported) to the Philippines, she will stay in NC or VA (no idea how she can get a green card without me). Is it a race on who files first? I want nothing from her. I want a clean one in a year, as “marital misconduct/abuse.” I will assume she will not come unless she wants to fight for something. She says she will not (always said that) but her actions in court proved otherwise. What happens then if she files first? I will then be obligated under her terms, her reasons? Like if she lived in VA and files there, then I have to go there? I rather the pressure on her for her not to come back to NC. Please tell me if this is now a race to who gets to file first.
So I have to go to the courthouse one day after one year of separation? And when is that day? The day she was arrested, or 24h after that? If this is a race, every minute counts then?
We dated for three years, but I should have ended it year one I guess.
I think she has been reading my posts in another board she is also familiar with and probably has been gearing up to use what people told me against me. Finding ways to combat but I have no proof. I just got a feeling. I am sacred.
Thank you for your info.
It is not necessarily a race to the courthouse for divorce however, such an action must be filed in the county that either spouse resides. So if you do not live in the same county as your spouse, it can be beneficial to file first in the county that you reside so that you can go to court in the county where you live rather than in the county where your spouse lives.
Even if your wife files first, you will still have a chance to respond by filing an answer. Nothing is granted from the judge and no terms are decided by the mere action of filing a complaint. If she files first, you are required to be served with the complaint so you have notice of a court action against you.
You are eligible now to file for equitable distribution, alimony/postseparation support, child custody and child support. After one year of separation, you are entitled to file for absolute divorce. The date of separation is the date that you and your wife no longer lived in the same residence when at least one of you intended that the separation be permanent.
Anna Ayscue
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm Cary • Chapel Hill • Durham • Raleigh • Wake Forest
Rosen Online | Unlimited confidential access to a North Carolina attorney for $199/mo - click here
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service only, a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action. The information posted on this forum is available for public viewing and is not intended to create an attorney client relationship with any individual. These answers are provided for informational purposes only, a person should consult with their own individual legal counsel before taking any action that could affect their legal rights or obligations.