I Need Help!

Dear leecruz:


  1. You usually need her permission, or she would have to refinance. If you file with the court, then you can file a motion to get her to sell the house.

  2. Possibly. It just depends on all the facts of your situation.

  3. Yes, you are required to pay for this unless you want your credit to go bad. Is the car only in your name? If so, you can take it away from her.

  4. No, not really. Althouhg, if you have kids, then you may want to call child protective services about the drug use.

  5. Not unless you have a custody or alimony action - otherwise her drug use is just her problem.

  6. No, not likely.

  7. Yes, the bonus would be separate.

If you hire an attorney to assist you, then you will not get taken to the cleaner given the facts you put forth here. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

10925 David Taylor Drive, Suite 100
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

I’m a soldier in the U.S. Army currently serving a tour in Afghanistan. My wife and I are getting divorced. This decision was reached by me after many horrible telephone calls home and years of being used and unhappy. Here are some statistics:

-We’ve been married almost 6 years.
-We have no children together (she has 2 from a previous marriage, but they live with her ex).
-She has never worked during our marriage except for as a stripper (just a few months), but contributed nothing to our finances or debt elimination efforts.
-She has some medical issues (Type I Insulin dependent diabetes with some complications and is bi-polar(diagnosed, not just my opinion)).
-I knew about her diabetes when we got married.
-I’m a Special Forces Medical Sergeant and am quite capable in advising her on health issues and giving recommendations. Despite my best efforts, she has continued a downward spiral healthwise due to drinking alcohol, partying, non-compliance with the recommended diabetic diet, refusal to become educated on her disease and refusal to follow doctor’s recommendations.
-I pay for and have paid for everything since being married. We have a mortgage (home purchased while we were married), 2 car payments (both purchased while we were married), a debt consolidation loan (again, marital)and all manner of monthly bills. I pay all of these.
-She is a terrible homemaker. She does not cook, clean or do anything productive. She is non-supportive (emotionally)of me while serving in a dangerous combat zone and wreaks havoc on my emotions on a day to day basis. Everytime I’ve ever deployed and called home, she’d use that call as an opportunity to stress me the heck out. As if getting shot at and blown up by Improvised Explosive Devices wasn’t bad enough. Then she’ll follow it up with “You’re not the one that’s sick! You volunteered for the Army!” She is a “drama-queen.”
-She has a 17 year old sister living with her to help around the house. I just found out from a friend:when his wife dropped something off at the house,they were smoking marijuana in our house.
-She is too sick to work, but has admitted going to clubs and partying and even invited the aforementioned friend’s wife to go clubbing with her and the underage girl she is contributing to the delinquency of.
-She brought no assetts to the marriage.
-There was no infidelity on either side.
-I get extra pay for being in a combat zone. When we get paid on the 1st and 15th of each month, she’s broke in 2-3 days. When I’m home and making even less money, the money lasts until next payday AND I put money away for savings.

Questions based on this information:

  1. Can I sell the house or do I need her permission? I want us to sever all ties and go our separate ways.
  2. We have not done a separation agreement yet. She told me friend’s wife she is going to “take me to the cleaners.” According to the Army regulation (AR 608-99), I’m required to support her during separation in the amount of $750.60 per month. This is the amount of BAH-II according to the current military allowances chart. Does the state of NC require me to do anything in addition to this?
  3. Her car is in my name and I owe 4 more years on it. The payment is $560.00 per month. Am I required to continue to pay for this car? We have a paid-for car that her parents now use. Can I sell her car (there will be no profit, it has negative equity) and have her use the other car her parents have (also in my name)? Do I have to make arrangements to get the car from her if I decide to sell it or. since it’s registered in my name and the loan is mine alone, can I just take it?
  4. Can I kick her sister out of my house? I don’t want to support this now and future drug user.
  5. Can I have her screened for drug use? Her military health records (maintained on Fort Bragg) display a urinalysis that is positive for marijuana way back in 2002. Perhaps this info will help my case.
  6. Do you think, after our one-year separation, that a judge will give her much alimony? She spends all of our money frivolously each payday, buys drugs with it (not actually proven, but you’ve got to suspect she is) and has been a horrible homemaker. I know that I took her from the trailer-park and gave her a good life, but should I be financially punished for this? I have many family members and friends that will testify that she has caused me heartache and misery these 6 years and that I have helped her with every aspect of her life (even got her a boob-job)and gotten nothing in return.
  7. I’m reenlisting and will receive a bonus. Since we’re separated, that income is mine and not marital, right? It would seem unfair for her to reap the benefits of my future military service when she doesn’t support me now and we won’t be together for the period the reenlistment bonus is based on.

In conclusion, am I going to get “taken to the cleaners?” Everything good in this girl’s life is because of me. Did I screw up by giving a trailer park girl a good standard of living? I’m not trying to be a whiner; I just need some answers. Please help!