who advised this settlement???
Seems like somebody is greedy…
That’s what I was wondering…why would you agree to pay this to start with?
If you signed an agreement there may not be anything that can be done to change this, unless there was a time limit or amount that was in the agreement also. If it was stated that the alimony was for a specific reason and that has been met then it’s possible, but if it was just stated that you pay X amount regardless of whether it’s child support or alimony and that was agreed to, signed and notorized then you may be stuck with that amount.
Yeah, it was dumb of me to agree to this…and negligent of my lawyer to let me. I wanted out of the marriage and gave her what she wanted. At the time she was living in a high cost area. I gave her the house and she had to make a high payment to stay in it. I didn’t want the kids to have to move out of their home. But she has since sold the house for double what she owed on it and can now afford to pay cash for a new home in NC. Plus she now has an education and a new career.
My salary has not gone up and the payment has always been a stretch for me, but I was happy to pay it to keep the kids in their home and their schools. Now that her cost of living has gone down and her salary has gone up, I was hoping she would let go of the alimony a little earlier than planned. The agreed upon timeframe was five years. It has been three years. But the child support is still well over what I would be required to pay based on the formula and I was hoping that there was a way to reduce it since she isn’t willing to reduce or eliminate the alimony. Yes, she’s being greedy, and it appears I have no recourse. I’ve definitely learned my lesson a lot too late.
I forgot to mention, she is living with a boyfriend currently. I know that changes nothing in the child support department since they are not his children and not his responsibility, but does it change anything in the alimony department?
I thought if you lived with someone of the opposite sex in a relationship, alimony would go away?? Or am I mistaken??
I also, always thought once someone got married, alimony goes away…
Why are these women so greedy? I guess they figure they can’t have their man, so they will have they worth. To me, child support is a no brainer, you should pay for the sake of the kids BUT we as ncp’s should get at least part of the tax credits based on the amount we pay, so if we pay 50%, we get 1/2 the credit and so on. People argue : “well you’d pay for them to eat/live anyways” Well duh, but the real issue is the tax benefits of doing that that most ncp parents do not receive, yet still pay. I pay like 85% of what the state feels is required to support to kids based on our joint incomes (I pay ($1200/month for two kids). I get both as credits alternating years, so i am covered more or less. But think about it, I pay 85% of all costs associated with the kids, I should be entitled to 85% of the tax credits every year. To me, it’s bs that that doesn’t happen. My ex, still can’t manage her money and is stealing from the kids, and not paying their lunch money.
To the original poster, I was in the same boat as you and just wanted her gone. I paid on her vehicle to the tune of ~700 a month in addition to the child support, just to get her out. Now, I am contemplating going for custody, not because of the money, I like my freedom every night etc, but because the kids are getting jacked up by what NC defaults as “the better parent”. I have a penis and testicles and I will always be inferior, even though the ex has broken the law, been in jail, etc. They say “poor poor southern white single mother…” Bull crap!
oh well, sorry for the rant…
Good luck…
Thanks for the input and no problem for the rant. I totally understand your frustration. Yeah, from reading NC statutes it looks like alimony should go away when she lives with someone, but I am unsure of hoiw this affects my situation since the agreement was signed in another state. It makes no mention of cohabitation. It states that the alimony will stop if she gets re-married, which she of course will not do until the alimony is done with.
I pay $1800 a month for two kids. I pay their health insurance premiums on top of that as well as providing for a $250K life insurance policy to be paid to their monther in the event of my death. I also pay $100 per month into their college fund, as does their mother. I get to claim the older child on my taxes until she reaches 18 and the youger child is claimed by their mother until she reaches 18. My parents also give her money because they don’t like seeing the kids in rags and my ex doesn’t feel it is necessary to buy them new clothing. This is all on top of the alimony, which is another $800 per month.
Anyway, that is all really beside the point. My main concern is can I have the original agreement modified in NC or am I stuck with what I signed? Any of the attorneys have advice for me?
Bump…hoping this will catch the eye of one of the attorneys next time they log in.
quote:
[i]Originally posted by sleepyhead[/i] [br]Thanks for the input and no problem for the rant. I totally understand your frustration. Yeah, from reading NC statutes it looks like alimony should go away when she lives with someone, but I am unsure of hoiw this affects my situation since the agreement was signed in another state. It makes no mention of cohabitation. It states that the alimony will stop if she gets re-married, which she of course will not do until the alimony is done with.I pay $1800 a month for two kids. I pay their health insurance premiums on top of that as well as providing for a $250K life insurance policy to be paid to their monther in the event of my death. I also pay $100 per month into their college fund, as does their mother. I get to claim the older child on my taxes until she reaches 18 and the youger child is claimed by their mother until she reaches 18. My parents also give her money because they don’t like seeing the kids in rags and my ex doesn’t feel it is necessary to buy them new clothing. This is all on top of the alimony, which is another $800 per month.
Anyway, that is all really beside the point. My main concern is can I have the original agreement modified in NC or am I stuck with what I signed? Any of the attorneys have advice for me?
WOW [:0] Hopefully, this will also catch the eyes of all those out there who are just wanting out of the marriage no matter the cost. Keep this in mind!
Your parents should stop giving her money and just buy clothing for the children to wear when they come to visit you. I would be willing to bet that they only wear rags around you or their grandparents.
We learned our lesson about clothes especially if I purchased them. They wear something new to her house and we never see it again, and then when they come over they are dressed like vagrants. The oldest one has started to understand this and he wears the same outfit home that he wears over. The deal with the taxes is the same with her also. Their original separation she wanted to claim the oldest and let him claim the youngest but in their final agreement it was switched, so that she will have 3 more years of claiming one child. Yes, they each claim one child, but they also have joint custody 50/50 with equal time but even with this he pays $500 per month in CS, health insurance, gives them lunch money on their weeks with us, pays 1/2 the healthcare/dental co-pays and medications, and covers 1/2 of the cost for the sitter in the summertime.
The life insurance policy could to be put into trust in the event of your death for the children when they reach a certain age rather than paying it out to your ex. This way at least she will not benefit from your death…
bumping up above all of the spam…
Does anyone know if the attorneys check in here anymore? Just wondering if I should give up or continue to check back now and then.
I would definitely do as StepMother says and make that life insurance policy go into a trust. That is how I have mine too. I don’t trust the ex with money one bit.
Continue to check back. Periodically, one of the attorneys will get on here and answer 50 or so posts at a time and will be on for several days in a row. Then it will go for a month or so with no attorney posts. You must keep in mind that they are working attorneys so doing your own research, consulting your own attorney, and answers from the other members on this site is sometimes the quickest way to get an idea of where you stand. It shouldn’t cost very much to consult a NC attorney on this. That way they could hear the entire story and see the paperwork. They should be able to let you know if it’s worth pursuing.
Thanks to both of you for your advice. As far as the life insurance, it is stated in the settlement agreement that the life insurance be left in my ex-wife’s name until such time that I no longer owe her alimony, then it may be put in the kids’ names until the child support obligation is finished. My attorney never discussed this with me and I didn’t think of it before mediation, so when it was brought up I guess I was caught off-gaurd and agreed to it.
I definitely will consult with an attorney in person, but I am in the middle of a move and a job change currently, so I thought I’d seek some advice on the internet first. I totally understand that the attorneys who answer here are working and busy (probably an understatement)…just wondered if I could expect and answer eventually. Thanks again!
Hmmm…I see that Janet dropped by, but I didn’t get an answer. Hopefully, she’ll see it if I bump it up again.
Thanks in advance Janet!
Dear sleepyhead:
Greetings. Are you paying by agreement (contract) or court order?
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
Hi Janet. Thanks for your response. I am paying by agreement (reached during mediation).
bump
When you “bump” it - you bump it backwards, not forward. I answer the oldest posts first and yes we read this every day.
Next, I cannot advise on an agreement that was entered to in another state, as the situs is likely still that state - which means that you would have to apply the law of the old state. If it was by court order, register it here. Good luck.
Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm
4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax
301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax
1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax
The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.
My final settlement, which we arrived at through mediation (in another state, but we are both now NC residents), states that if I seek to reduce the amount of child support I pay, I will have to make up the difference in alimony. I pay much more in child support than the required amount (based on the formula for child support in NC) and my ex now has a higher income than she did when we divorced. The alimony was intended for her to get an education and get her career started, which she has done. I am having trouble making ends meet, but she will not drop the alimony, so my only option is to seek a reduction in child support. My question is, if I do this, will I be required to uphold the original agreement and make up the difference in alimony or can this be altered as well?
Thank you for any advice you can give me!