Urgent issue-child support, alimony in sep. agrmnt


Don’t know about the alimony but I do know a little about cs. My x and I had an uncontested divorce and we worked cs out ourselves. She and I agreed on a very low amount b/c at that time I did not have a real good paying job. She did however get angry with me at one point and so she brought our case up to DSS. This is when the governement steped in. They did not change the amount of cs we had agreed upon but my payments started going through them to get to her.

Your x however, does not seem like she will be one to settle with you willingly. She cannot just make up an amount for you to pay for cs, if she does then you actually have to agree to it. Either go to the CS calculator on the home page of this site, or go to nddhacts01.dhhs.state.nc.us/hom … kSheet.jsp
if you live in NC. This site gives you all of the information you need to know and it is the worksheets that the social workers use. This will give you an idea of what you should be paying. If your x tries to get you to agree to more it would then be your choice. Either sign her papers or talk with a social worker. You typically can try to resolve things with your childs social worker. If you and your x do not agree and the social worker cannot help you out, then you will need to go to court.

Hope this helps!

I would HIGHLY advise you to get your OWN lawyer. Don’t use hers because of course he/she will not have YOUR interest at heart. You should NEVER EVER EVER sign something unless you are willing to live with indefinitely. You can always decide on higher or lower CS between yourself. If you can’t decide, then the calculator is used. If she still doesn’t agree, then you must take it to court.

DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING WITHOUT COUNSEL! I can’t stress it enough. If you read enough threads here, you will see that many DID sign and they regretted it later. I have several friends that did the same. It’s much harder (and costlier) to alter an agreement later, and it will most likely have to be done in court.

Thanks for the replies.
I have now obtained another proposal after relating to my spouse that we can and should settle between ourselves instead of her referring to the law. She proposed an agreement much better, but I wonder if I am gullible to leave out the conditions regarding alimony in case of cohabitation and if I am naive thinking that if I agree to lowered alimony and raised child support she will not have access to the CS anyway and therefore not loose anything on this decrease of Alimony for increased CS


IN GENERAL (don’t know if it’s required), alimony ceases when you marry, die or co-habitate unless specifically outlined otherwise. Whereas child support must be recalculated from time to time. If your STBX gets stubborn, then she very well may say, yes, lets up the child support, and if you want it changed, YOU will have to take it to court.

My gut is to go by the child support guidelines. Whatever else you’re willing to pay her-do it as Spousal support. It is TAXABLE to her and a WRITE OFF for you-keep that in mind. Money is money whether it’s CS or alimony. She uses it as she sees fit. The difference is one ends when the child is 18, the other can end at any time given certain circumstances.

In general, you can put in your agreement anything you WANT as far as dating, co-habitating, alimony, bills etc. If you both signed, it’s a binding contract. If one fails on their end to uphold, they can be issue a show cause for breach of contract. BE VERY CAREFUL what you agree to. I would most DEFINITELY define the spousal support to cease if marriage or co-habitation occurs. My feeling is that it may happen and that is why she doesn’t want to address it.

Sounds like she is calling all the shots and you’re just going along. HER lawyer will not be looking after YOU, only HER. Remember that. DON’T SIGN ANYTHING YOU’RE NOT WILLING TO LIVE WITH. I can’t stress that enough.

There can be stipulations made on alimony for cohabiting as far as I know. Hopefully and attorney will respond.
The amount of child support is based on the salary of the two parents, the number of overnights with each parent and insurance, daycare costs paid. If what she is asking for is a great deal more that the guidelines say you should be paying, then I would NOT sign. Child support can be re-evaluated every 3 years or if there is a substantial change of circumstances. If you agree to an amount then that’s what you will be paying until you can arrange to file a modification and that could take quite a while to go through the system.
I have to agree with needinganswers though. Get your own attorney even if it’s just a consult. Do NOT sign anything that you don’t actually agree with and do NOT sign anything that you can’t live with a year from now. What happens a year from now, you get divorced, are paying her alimony and she has a boyfriend move in. She doesn’t marry him because that will mean the end of alimony so since you are paying an unjust amount of child support and paying alimony, essentially, they are both living off of you. I believe that she is telling you this that you are not allowed to negotiate amounts so that you will pay her what she wants. This is not a law because the courts can decide what the amount and duration of alimony would be and if alimony is even entitled. (A proven affair can mean that the spouse is not entitled to alimony.)
A separation agreement is just that. An Agreement between you and your STBX. You and your STBX are allowed to include anything and any conditions in a separation agreement that you want. It doesn’t mean that the other person will sign/agree to those. If you don’t agree, it can be amended to reflect what you will agree to. My husband had his separation agreement drawn up 6 times before his ex would sign. If you do not agree, it will need to be decided in court. My husband’s ex tried everything she could to get him to agree to an amount because if it went to court she knew that she would not be entitled to that amount. If he agreed to it though, he would have been legally bound to pay her. Document everything and DO NOT SIGN until you have your own attorney look it over. Decide what YOU want out of this or what you are willing to live with.
Read the post on here by sleepyhead…

Dear voize:

Of course that is incorrect. Get your own attorney and they can help you negotiate what is right and what can be paid.

By the way, if someone receives alimony starts cohabitating, alimony should immediately end - but that needs to be specifically laid out in a separation agreement. Thank you.

Janet L. Fritts
Attorney with Rosen Law Firm

4101 Lake Boone Trail, Suite 500
Raleigh, North Carolina 27607
919.787.6668 main phone
919.256.1665 direct fax

301 McCullough Drive Suite 510
Charlotte, North Carolina 28262
704.644.2831 main voice
704.307.4595 main fax

1829 East Franklin Street, Bldg 600
Chapel Hill, NC 27514
919.321.0780 main phone
919.787.6668 main fax


The response posted above is based upon the limited factual information made available and is not intended as a full and complete response to the question. The only reliable manner to obtain complete and adequate legal advice is to consult with an attorney, fully explain your situation, and allow the attorney sufficient opportunity to research the applicable law and facts required to render an accurate opinion. The basic information provided above is intended as a public service but a full discussion with an attorney should be undertaken before taking any action.

I would like to ask whether or not the alimony in Separation Agreement can be conditions? My spouse says we are not allowed to set any conditions regarding such things as reduced alimony when cohabitating. She also claims we are not allowed to make private agreements regarding the totals of money I will pay in child support and alimony. Instead she says she will hire an attorney(being “her” attorney - of course) and have him or her come up with a sum and then she will let me know. And I can not do anything but sign or go to court since - according to my spouse - we are not allowed to make private decisions regarding support and alimony.

Is this true