Im not sure what to do


#1

Ive been married 20 years to my wife. Since she is now going through menopause, Ive been accused of cheating, (ive never cheated on her) She has begged me to hit her so she can call 911 (ive never laid a hand on her) and now she wants a divorce. Ive been a house husband since the children where born (we both agreed to this 18 years ago) I do all the cleaning cooking, laundry, I run my children where they need to be dailey. Its not that Ive never worked, I did own a store at one time and made a very nice living. They sold the building my store was in so I had to close. Then my main support was ebay to help with the bills. Now that has stopped for me since the recession. Her main reasons for divorce are, I dont have any money, that Im having an affair (which is not true I have never cheated on her) and she is telling me I have got to leave our home… I love my wife and my family, and Ive tried so hard to keep us together, but I see it is a no win situation. Her mother and sister are now harassing me to leave the home also.

I dont have alot of money to retain a lawyer. Right now besides taking care of the house, I work part time at walmart (the only job I could find in Mebane) I make 7.00 an hour. My wife on the other hand makes 70,000 a year. Ive given my whole life to make this woman happy and now I have to leave with nothing. My question is what are my rights…do I have to leave the house? and where does it go from here? Ive lived without sex with her for almost two years (her choice) and I still love her and stayed even without the affection. I need help Im so confused over this whole divorce issue, I never thought I would ever go through this, especially at 50… so all answers would be appreciated. Ive never felt so alone and like such a loser. :frowning:


#2

You are the dependant spouse. Do NOT leave the house. You are going to be entitled to alimony and if you are the main caregiver of the kids you are the one that should have custody. How old are the children?

Btw- you are NOT a loser! Is there any possibility that SHE is cheating? Usually the one doing the most accusing isn’t innocent.

Wait for Erin to answer but make no moves like leaving house. You really need an attorney.


#3

Ditto. Do NOT leave the house. You are not required to leave. If she wants the separation, then let her be the one to separate.

FWIW, what she is doing is emotional abuse. Begging you to hit her, constant accusations of infidelity, etc. Do not fall for it, do not accept that kind of treatment from her. You are not a loser. You are someone who made the decision jointly with your spouse that someone needed to be at home with the kids and another person would take responsibility for the income. You did make attempts to assist with money and the bills.

Yes, you are entitled to alimony simply because she makes more than you do and has been the supporting spouse for a while now.


#4

the oldest is 18 still in school living under our roof, the second will be 15.

I think the reason she is accussing me of cheating is trying to get me removed quicker from the house…

We both have friends of the opposite sex.

My friend lives 500 miles away (this is the person she is accussing me of being with) she is married also, and the only thing we do is talk on the phone, email recipes, and recently were are now talk about what is happening in my life.

Her husband and her has stayed in my home, .Her husband and her have loaned my family money to help my family with bills. They opened thier house to me for to see if I could find work up north to support my family, with my wife’s blessing. Now she keeps saying that I had sex with her while I was staying in her home with her husband and children…It hurts me to see the woman I love say such horrible things about a family that has done nothing but try to help us. This is not how my wife use to be. She even lied last week and said my oldest told her that I banged (exact word my wife used)my friend 6 times…I got so mad, that when my oldest came home …we both confronted my wife who in turn said oh I guess I must of dreamed it then.

Now for my wife’s friend… My wifes best friend is a man who she claims is gay. He lives 2 towns over, never have I or the children been invited to go with them if they go out to dinner. The get together at least once or twice a month. when she is with him she don’t answer her cell phone, she is gone right after work and sometimes don’t get home until after 12:00am…she also has a secret email that I found out about recently…Since she has been accussing me of cheating is when I started thinking maybe she is doing something wrong. But my heart does not want to believe this.

I found out by accident that her mother is actually in town and I feel today might be the day something is going to happen. Im at wits end, Im stressed to the point I cant eat. I never know what to expect. And my wife has turned into a person I no longer recognize.


#5

She wants you to be cheating so she doesn’t have to give you alimony. I suggest you let your friend know that you need some distance right now until all this is figured out. Life is all about perception and if it can look like an affair maybe its better to have space. As for wifes friend, I am suspicious about the secretcy. I would be trying to get some proof.

She wants you to hit her so she can have you arrested and that will get you out of the house.

What a mess! I’m so sorry!


#6

Do not leave the home! You will lose the right to return to the home once you leave.
You need to speak with an attorney to discuss your situation and to develop a strategy moving forward. Based on the facts you list you are entitled to receive alimony from your spouse, however it can take a few months to get in front of a judge in order to be awarded post-separation support (a form of temporary alimony).
You may also be entitled to have your wife reimburse you for some of your attorney’s fees.


#7

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