Not sure what to do

My wife of 11 years decided to separate.We have 2 small children (6 & 3) and a house(and other joint bills). She has been staying with a friend for 3 months and comes over Monday through Friday to keep the 3 year old and picks the 6 year old up from school.In this time she has had the kids 3 or 4 Friday nights to give me a break .She showers here and eats here,and has continued to pay bills,and we have had a couple of family nights ,but she he has not stayed the night here for 3 months and really has not indicated what her intentions are. The topic of counseling has been brought up by myself , to which she says will do no good. We have discussed a separation agreement but up till now felt it was not necessary.She has dated during this time , which was not mutually agreed upon. I have been very patient with her (too patient I’ve been told) but we do have 2 kids and 11 years invested.I am seriously contemplating separate checking accounts and changing the locks.I really don’t know what to do!

I would advise against changing the locks at this point as it does not appear that you and your wife are actually separated. Her presence in the house during the day constitutes a “holding out” to the public that you are still living as husband and wife. The discussions surrounding counselling also indicate that there is not yet the intention on one party’s part to remain separate permanently.

Thank you for answering. I really have been torn on exactly what course I should take , mainly because I don’t want this to become ugly for the children. So, If we are not “technically” separated , then could her dating activity be seen as some sort of infidelity? Also, if we aren’t separated, and this was to continue as-is , then we could be in limbo until she or I decide to cut ties for a year if divorce was to enter into any decision…correct? I am not “out for blood” but this is beginning to become ridiculous.

It depends, if you (or your wife) are not living separate and apart with the intention of remaining separated permanently and she is having sex with someone else her behavior could be used as a bar to alimony.