Separation and cheating?

My wife and I separated in October and have been working on a agreement. She is stalling and hasn’t counter offered, everything is the same as if I lived there except I am living somewhere else. My paychecks and everything is still going there and is joint. I have been working with my lawyer but before I talk to him about this next statement I was looking for general information about the laws.

I noticed that a number keep showing up on the cell phone bill, texts and calls all the time since first of November. Like less then 30 days after being together for ten years and two daughters. Well I watched the girls so she could get her haircut and the whole time she talked and texted him this week. So I was getting my girls the next night for over night stay and I had a PI follow her and she went straight to him and they went out drinking and driving then a little fun in a parking lot. I have it all on video and report from PI.

What will it do for me having this besides the sickness in my stomach? I just want to make sure I have my girls as much as possible.

  1. If you can prove (or heavily suppose) that she was having an affair prior to the date of separation then that is a bar to alimony.

  2. I would make sure even right now that you are getting the custody schedule you want… 50%. If you are not aggressive about getting 50% now, it will never happen later.

  3. You should get your own private accounts, and have your pay check directed there. She will flip out, but you have to do it. You should also make sure you no longer have any joint credit cards, yadda yadda.

  4. Use the calculator to come up with your child support number. Make sure you pay child support on time, judges don’t like absent parents.

  5. Be involved with your kids as much as possible: doctors appointments, school functions, homework, activities.

  6. If the affair was going on prior to separation, then the paramour (her boyfriend) could be sued for alienation of affection and/or criminal conversation. Honestly, these suits are extremely expensive to pursue, can be difficult to win, and judgments are hard to collect. It’s best to use this as leverage in equitable distribution.

Her dating will likely not affect her getting time with the children unless this person proves to be a danger to the children.

Is a physical relationship with a 3rd party a bar to alimony if it does not begin until after the date of separation?

No, it is not.

Since I haven’t changed my paychecks yet, is it illegal for me to take money out of a joint money market? There hasn’t been any money put in account since separation but I need some money for my lawyer and I have money in an account.

You are entitled to take all of the funds if you wish, but I would recommend taking half to show your spouse you wish to work in good faith.

To all that has been said here, I would add that it should be possible for you to obtain phone records from BEFORE separation to see if she was seeing this guy before you moved out. Speak with a lawyer and make your moves properly, or risk losing your case. Using a PI was a smart move, stick with that. Now try to work backwards and find some evidence of previous encounters. In a lawsuit you might be able to subpoena some records to further your case, but before doing that I would try to have a stronger confirmation…
Good luck, and I can feel your pain.

Well after waiting and searching I was able to obtain the home phone records, and I now have proof that she was talking to him before our separation. We separated in October and have records of phone calls in August. I have my PI report from December post separation, what is this going to do for me in my divorce?

I have contacted my lawyer with this info and waiting on response but I just like to have a second opinion, always.


The correspondence can be used as evidence from which an inference of infidelity can be made, however it is not conclusive proof.