Hi all, first time poster and thrilled to have found this forum.
My question is how does one prove AA/CC? I have his phone records from the last 5 months showing they’ve had 135 conversations including Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Years. (you call people you love on holidays) He wand I only spoke 85 times in the same span and that was simply to say I’m at the store, do you need anything.
She is his ex-fiance/live-in girlfriend. He swears it’s only friendship but has admitted to going to her house frequently. I suppose her neighbors could be subpoenaed if they witnessed his truck there. During every bout of marriage counseling her name came up and he swore he’d stop talking to her. It’s not every woman I was jealous of, just her.
Anyway, I always knew that she’d be there and that he’d cheat on me with her. She’s a shark and he’s a wuss. Being right doesn’t feel very good, but not surprising.
I’d written her a letter the first year we were married telling her to stop calling our house and to get out of our lives and returned all of her topless photos. Now I’d like to back up my warning with a nice little law suit. Any ideas?
Are you separated from your husband? If not, then I don’t believe you can file an AofA suit.
If you’re still married and living with your spouse, and you suspect an affair, then I suppose you should hire a detective and have him followed. If you catch them in the act, then you could file a suit for CC against the woman, BUT if your husband is still living with you, then how will the suit help your marriage? Plus, if he is having an affair, and you continue to let him live with you, then you are in a sense-condoning the affair.
Sounds like this woman is malicious if she’s openly persuing your husband. BUT he is also allowing it. Filing a suit isn’t going to stop HIS behaviour and may exacerbate it to the point that he DOES leave. If he wants to work on the marriage…TRULY wants to…then HE will have to end it with the ‘girlfriend’. The money you will spend persuing a case/hiring a detective/hiring a lawyer may not be worth it in the end.
We are separated. I can prove the AA with phone records, but not the CC. I don’t have pictures of them in the act, but he was taking clean clothes to work and coming home in a different outfit. He’s admitted to lying to me about being at the gym or working and really being at her house. Although he SWEARS they are just friends. In my mind there is NO legitimate excuse for a married man to be at a single woman’s house and hide it from his wife unless he’s cheating, regardless of whether I can catch them in the act.
p.s. This is not the only mitigating factor in the separation. It’s just one more bag on the Queen Mary. There is no reconciliation possible.
Well…for the CC, you will have to have better proof than circumstantial evidence. A taped admission may help, but I think you have to have solid proof of adultry.
If you choose to persue, keep in mind that this is a LONG process, and it’s costly. If you’re trying to ‘back up’ your past requests that she leave your husband alone with this suit, then go ahead, but it looks like she got what she wanted. Unless she has deep pockets, I don’t see what you will get monetarily out of it. These cases RARELY make it court for a trial. Either the parties settle or the plaintiff drops the case for various reasons. Usually the stress of the whole ordeal makes it not worth it. Sometimes it’s best to just let the guy go. Now, if he’s trying to get alimony from you, then absolutely, get evidence of adultry. That will bar him from support.
Let’s see if I can paint a better picture. From where I sit right now, she did me a favor. I don’t have to have photographic evidence of them sleeping together to know in my heart he violated our marriage contract. There are many, many reasons for us to divorce, adultery is simply the clearest.
Frankly, AofA is just as good to me as CC. It really doesn’t matter. The thing that really grates me is that all the while he was carrying on with her during the day when he should have been working and earning money for the household forced me to work 18 hour days to cover our bills. Then he had the nerve to tell me he was short and needed me to cover his bills. He would take from me more than he actually owed. So everything he earned went to playing or her or I don’t know what. We’re talking about 4K per month he was ultimately stealing from our marriage/house. It’s one thing to be a cheat and I might have gotten over that, but to be a thief…no way.
At the end of the day it’s about business and this vulture reaped the benefits of my labor for a long long time. Now that our marriage is destroyed we have to split our assets, which I contributed 80-90%. I’ve spent the last 6 years trying to set us up to be able to retire someday. Other than the fact that it’s an expensive battle, I’d love to recoup some of what she took from me. I’ll never get my marriage back, but I might get some of the money. Even if I’m awarded 1.00 in damages, it would be worth it. It will financially break her to have to defend herself. That works for me too. Bitter? Maybe a smidgen. Vengeful? Probably.
She’s the kind of person who thinks that because they had a relationship prior to our marriage he is hers and I’m the interloper. He is spineless and has no moral core and thus an easy target for a predator. They are equally guilty, but I can’t sue him for adultery in a no-fault state.
To tell you the truth I don’t understand why people assume they should roll over and take this crap as a lesson learned. Screw that! Yes, it’s partially motivated by revenge, but if it makes me feel the slightest bit better after suffering years of cheating, thievery, lies and humiliation at the hands of these two lowlifes then I’m thinking I’ll go for it.
Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation are two different causes of action which each have different burdens of proof.
Alienation of Affection requires you to prove that you and your spouse were in a loving and healthy marital relationship and but for the malicious actions of a third party, your spouse and yourself would have continued in your harmonious relationship. It is difficult to prove an alienation case on phone records alone.
A criminal conversation suit requires you to prove this woman engaged in sexual intercourse with your husband during the time you were married. To prove this the courts requires you to satisfy two elements, inclination and opportunity. It sounds as if you have a strong argument to prove she and your husband had the inclination to have a sexual relationship (the photos) but the opportunity element is more difficult. Essentially you need proof that they have spend the night together, visited a hotel together for a few hours, or some other more concrete evidence.
Given your situation, I can understand your feelings. Because of the NC rules, you do get screwed in the area of ED. My only advice is to try to prove he is having an affair so that you don’t have to pay him alimony (which is SEEMS he may be able to persue-if you make more money than he does). The threat of a suit may give you levereage in the ED negotiations (if he cares anything about the woman to stand up for her…) You just need to cover all your basis on whatever suit you attempt. A lawyer will unlikely begin the process if you don’t have the back-up in evidence.
I understand revenge and spite (been there done that). Just be sure you’re willing to go through all it takes to persue this type of case.